


a match made for heaven

by daedalusdavinci



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Asexuality Spectrum, Bad Matchmaking, Body Horror, Curses, Greyromantic Character, M/M, autistic/adhd characters, ill add more as more things come up, warning: au is self indulgent as all hell. im doing this for me.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 77,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daedalusdavinci/pseuds/daedalusdavinci
Summary: It could be argued that Dirk Strider has been cursed since the day of his Choosing, when lightning struck through his Heart and marked him forever more a disciple of what was, in his opinion, undoubtedly the worst fucking aspect. But, if you weren't feeling so dramatic about it, you could say Dirk has been cursed ever since he almost died.Forever indebted to his patron god, Dirk is sick and tired of ruining people's lives playing matchmaker. In order to win his freedom, he just has to set up one last couple. Easy enough; he's been doing it for years. Except, Dirk's never had to set up a *god* with someone before, and this one seems to have a lot more interest in driving him insane than falling in love.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dirk Strider, Roxy Lalonde & Dirk Strider, i lied im adding this one bc if it doesnt become crucial ill never forgive myself, there are others but they are not as important to the story and i dont want to clog their tags!!
Comments: 202
Kudos: 270





	1. Chapter 1

Once again, Dirk had slept in and missed his work shift. The light from the clock on the nightstand seemed to shine directly into Dirk's eyes, searing "4:35 pm" into his brain. It felt like karma, for sleeping so ridiculously late.

Faintly, the sound of metal clanging could be heard from the shop below, where Horuss undoubtedly covered both of their shifts at once. It was far from the first time Dirk had pushed himself to the limit, staying up for days at a time, and then crashed hard and slept the day away. No doubt, Horuss was used to it.

That really didn't make him feel even remotely better about it, though.

His bedroom was dark, except for the digital clock and a small sliver of sunlight that managed to sneak in past the curtains. His blankets were warm and his mattress was comfortable. More than anything, he didn't want to get up and face the world. He must have slept for at least fourteen hours, but he was so _tired_.

But, he couldn't leave Horuss alone in the shop all day. And, he promised Roxy he'd meet her in two and a half hours for dinner.

With a heavy, reluctant sigh, he dragged himself out of bed to get ready for the day. He didn't have the time to take two hours to shower and get dressed, but he did anyway. Looking good was a priority, always. He threw a jacket, his wallet, and his rocketboard into a voidbox (or pouch, more accurately, but they'd all agreed box sounded cooler) and stuffed it into the pocket of his pants, for when he'd inevitably need to make a mad dash for the restaurant. Then, he headed downstairs to see what last minute things he could help with before he left.

The previous owner of the shop had had stupid deep pockets. The building itself was what must've been modern for the time it was built, a hundred some-odd years ago, and it had held up stunningly well; especially considering it was a machine shop. The amount of explosions the three occupants of the building had set off since moving in were countless and yet the walls had hardly a smudge. The floors had never once dented, no matter how many pounds of machinery were dropped or dragged across them. Dirk didn't have much of an expensive taste, but even he had to admit the craftsmanship on it was insane. Horuss, the upper-middle class douchebag that he was, was practically ready to slip a ring on the delicate spirals and designs of the sign that hung out front, proudly announcing the name of the place: Darkleer's Mechanization Emporium. 

Dumbest name ever. 

But, it was beautiful. Glossy, bronze architecture and numerous smokestacks gave it a distinctly steampunk feel. Everything from the door knocker to the stair rail seemed to be ornately carved and finished, and far more expensive than anything Dirk could usually hope to afford. Despite the fact that it was only a small, narrow, two story building, the inside seemed to feel as big as a grand ballroom, to the point where Dirk sometimes wondered if magic really was at work. The heat from the forges in the back kept the bedrooms above warm and toasty in the winter, and in the summer, ventilation shafts could be opened to keep a nice breeze going. Every day, Dirk couldn’t believe how lucky they’d gotten with the place. Gods bless Horuss’s weird grandpa and his generosity, he guessed. 

The staircase that led up to the living quarters was located in the back, tucked subtly away behind well-placed shelving where customers were unlikely to find it. The fires in the forge greeted Dirk when he descended, giving the room a warm glow and glinting off of the subtle engravings of gears in the walls. He ran through the wide, arched entryway from the forge to the front room, where they usually dealt with all of their customers. Horuss stood at the front desk- a beautifully carved piece of dark oak that somehow resisted any kind of stain, no matter how many times Dirk forgot coasters existed- visibly sweating as he talked to one of their regulars.

Not that that was unusual for Horuss. He was sweating most of the time. But this time it was definitely worse than usual. When the rag Horuss used to wipe his forehead was so damp it only smeared the sweat around, it was always a bad sign.

The source of his discomfort? One Tavros Nitram, shifting awkwardly back and forth on metal legs. Between Tavros's extreme anxiety and low-class status, and Horuss's social blundering and constant classist remarks, it was quite possibly _the_ worst-case scenario to walk back in on. Not to mention, with Tavros's older brother…

As Dirk jogged up, he was sure Tavros had never looked so grateful to see him before. "Dirk! Um, I mean. Uh. Hi, Dirk." 

"It seems," Horuss blurted at him suddenly, "Rufioh has decided not to continue coming in, and to pursue help from an alternative shop." 

Ah. That explained why Horuss looked so distressed- damn near hysterical, if Dirk wanted to go so far as to say so- and he didn't. It also explained why Tavros seemed afraid to step up too close to the desk, as though he was thinking about making a break for the door any second now.

He hadn't even said a word yet, and already, he felt like he was handling a bomb he had to diffuse. The last thing he needed to do was join in on the panic party. So, he nodded, as though Horuss had just told him something as mundane as, _I left coffee on your desk for you_. Folding his arms, he leaned his hip against the desk and directed his attention first and foremost to their very unnerved customer. "Cool. If you want, I can write up some recommendations of other places nearby that'll take care of his biotech for him and send you home with that today. In the meantime, you in for a regular check, or just stopping by to drop the news?"

Horuss wiped at his forehead again. Dirk was sure he had things that he wanted to say, but he refused to look at him long enough to give him the room to say it.

Tavros, less skilled at tactful manipulation, glanced at Horuss nervously. “Um, yeah. Uh, the regular check, I mean. If that’s okay. Or, uh, I could just leave?”

“Nah, man, it’s cool,” he reassured him. “C’mon, I’ll look you over.” He didn’t have a ton of time, but if he was late because of this, he was sure Roxy would understand. He made a gesture for Tavros to follow and led him over to one of the workbenches, grabbing up some tools. “I hella slept in, so I’ve gotta start pulling my weight around here. You had any issues with it recently, notice anything off, any soreness, clicking, whatever?”

Tavros shook his head, sitting down at the bench so Dirk could start poking and prodding at his legs, making sure everything was in perfect working order. “No. Uh, I think everything has been, um, hunky dory?”

“Sick. This should be quick then. Gotta check everything just to make sure; wouldn’t want your leg giving out out of nowhere.”

He kept conversation light to keep Tavros distracted and calm, asking him about his progress with his magic. It was one of his favorite subjects, besides his older brother, but that was kind of… Bluh. Even Dirk didn’t think he could play it smooth with that one. Tavros looked up to his patron god more than most, though he seemed to struggle a lot with getting a handle on the magic. Breath could be finicky, at times, but Tavros stayed hopeful and determined. His dream was to be able to fly one day, just like Rufioh. 

…

_Bluh._

At least Tavros was right and there wasn’t anything wrong with his legs. After a quick check, he was all ready to be sent on his way again. Dirk scribbled him out a list of nearby machine shops that might be willing to deal in prosthesis and biotech for relatively cheap and sent him on his way.

There weren’t a _ton_ of machine shops that dealt in biotech, actually. It was kind of a small field. If Rufioh wanted to avoid them, he’d have to go out of town for it for sure, and it’d probably be a bit pricier, just taking the travel money into account. But, he tried his best to find things as close as he could. ...Hopefully, things would work out for him. He couldn’t blame Rufioh for not wanting to come back, but gods, biotech could be so fucking finicky. He only hoped whoever he went to would be able to handle Horuss’s handiwork.

Speaking of, he could hear Horuss clanging away in the back, no doubt taking out his feelings on some poor piece of metal. He was already pushing his deadline for leaving, but Roxy would understand, right? Both for and against his better judgement, he popped his head through the archway to look for Horuss.

It took him a few takes to actually see him. Dark, wispy haze drifted off of Horuss’s skin, like his sweat had turned black and evaporated. Or, Dirk might have thought so, if he couldn’t see the droplets flicking everywhere with each powerful stroke of Horuss’s hammer. If it was any other time, he might’ve taken a moment to appreciate the way his muscles rippled and tensed with every strike, slick, dark skin reflecting the firelight. But, this was very much not the time. If Horuss was starting to go Void, things were very, very bad. He just wasn’t sure if it was the lock-himself-up-in-his-room-and-reinvent bad or the dangerous-muscles-can-be-used-dangerously bad yet. He wasn’t sure which one would be worse. Either way, he didn’t think he could just leave Horuss like this.

He shot Roxy a quick message, letting her know he’d be late, before stepping inside to go check out Horuss’s handiwork. He could flatten any metal in seconds flat, and when he got a grip on his magic long enough, he was amazing at imbuing it with the metal. But, he pretty much never got a grip on his magic long enough. While Horuss had enough enthusiasm around his aspect to rival Tavros, he was absolutely _awful_ at controlling it. More often than not, when his magical abilities made an appearance, it was a result of him getting too upset. It was explosive, dangerous, and powerful, and once made his entire room disappear for almost a month. It’d been right there the whole time, but Dirk and Roxy had walked past it a hundred times without ever seeing it. Dirk figured he had a right to be a little concerned.

“I think you’re bending the metal too far,” Dirk observed. 

Horuss paused, and examined the metal. “It seems so.” He flipped it over and started hammering again.

Daring to reach out, Dirk ran his fingers across Horuss’s shoulder, swiping through the Void like it might come away on his fingers. It felt cold. Ice cold. “Dude, are you gonna be good here on your own? Because like, I promised Roxy I’d meet her tonight, but if we’re not gonna be able to find the shop when we get back, I can cancel. I’m sure she’ll get it. Kinda nice, being able to sleep in your own house and shit.”

Dirk counted the strikes- one, two, three, four- before Horuss finally set the tools down, pulling his goggles up and off to rest on top of his head instead. Horuss sighed, looking forlornly down at the metal he’d bent into and right out of shape again. “I’ll… be fine. I wouldn’t want to hold your horses up here.”

Terribly reassuring. Especially seeing how Horuss’s Void hadn’t started to dissipate even slightly. “Again, it’s fine, so long as I have somewhere to put my horses up, period. Kind of a stretch, by the way.”

He sighed, even heavier this time; more defeated. “I’m just being foalish.”

“After everything that happened, I’m pretty sure you’ve got a right to be a little upset. Like, dude. That wasn’t any kind of small, sleep on it and get over it kind of deal. People got hurt.”

He shook his head. His ponytail, and sweat, flicked. “Perhaps. But it was some time ago.”

“So what?”

He didn’t reply right away. The metal in front of him had cooled, so he picked up the tongs again to put it back in the fire. Dirk watched him silently, waiting him out. With time, he would crack. He always did. The pause lengthened on and on and the silence built until it must’ve been unbearable for him. Dirk stood by patiently, until finally, the Void around Horuss darkened even more as he finally admitted what was on his mind. “He should’ve picked me.”

“How the hell do you know he picked anybody? Because the way I understand it, Damara’s having fuckall to do with him anymore.” 

Pink text flickered across his shades, where only he could see it.

TG: where ru?? the waiter dude keeps comin by n askin me if im doin ok n like i dont have an answer 4 u homie plz move along

TG: distri pls theyre givin me pity looks

Fortunately, the Void began to fade. When it rolled up off of his shoulders it just disappeared, rather than continuing to build and puddle. “I see,” he said, softly, and far too thoughtfully for Dirk’s liking.

That all too familiar feeling, pink and white-hot in his chest, flared. _No. Absolutely not_ , Dirk thought, sharply.

Before _she_ could get anymore carried away, he decided that that was good enough of a response from Horuss, for now. He could get Roxy to try and talk him out of harassing his ex later or something. “I’m gonna go meet Roxy before she gets kicked out and loses our reservation or whatever. If you start doing the whole deep nothing and endless blackness thing again, like, call me? Seriously. Do not pull the shop into the Deeps,” he warned. 

“I would like to think I have a little more control than that,” Horuss said, indignantly. (He so fucking didn’t.)

Dirk rolled his eyes behind his shades and dug his rocketboard out of the voidbox. Again, he could fight with Horuss about this shit when he got back. “Later, Broation Broldblood.” He missed the way Horuss preened at the term, already out the door and kick-starting his board. 

TG: dirky how longs this gonna take bc theyre startin 2 pushhhh

TT: I’m on my way.

TG: o thank the gods

The restaurant was closer to Roxy’s work than his, but with the rocketboard, the travel time was cut in half, and then in half again. 

Roxy had picked a place outside, off to one side and tucked away in a corner. Few tables surrounded it, and most of those were empty. Back there, no one would be able to hear them, and more importantly, Dirk wouldn’t be able to hear anyone. His curse had ruined enough nights out that they’d more or less gotten this kind of thing down to a science.

But she wasn’t alone. Another man was sitting with her, elbows resting on the table so he could lean all the more into her space. Dirk recognized him as that guy who was always hanging around the arcade, flirting shamelessly with the workers just because they couldn’t tell him to fuck off while on duty. Roxy was smiling, but the second he set down, her eyes found his across the patio. A warning light flashed in his head.

Quickly, he went around the fence to the end of the patio where Roxy and the creep he’d heard countless horror stories about sat, hopping the fence there to join them.

“Dirk! Finally!” Roxy twisted in her chair to look at him, flashing him a bright grin.

He stood just behind her and to the side, hand coming to rest casually (read: protectively) on the back of her chair. “Sup.”

“So you’re the date.” The man’s smile was confident, his slouch relaxed and casual as he leaned back in his- Dirk’s- chair, hooking an arm over the back of it. He looked like one of those guys who still thought the fifties was the best thing since sliced bread, with a plain white shirt tucked into dark jeans, a belt that was just stupid blingy, and slicked back, black hair. A cigarette hung from his mouth, unlit, like he just thought it made him look cooler or something. Expensive rings glinted on his fingers, and the earrings couldn’t have been cheap either. He wasn’t _bad_ looking- his sleeves were rolled up to accentuate toned biceps, perfectly tanned. He had a nice jawline, one that, had his vibes not been so rancid, Dirk might’ve otherwise enjoyed running his fingers along. Two scars on his forehead cut through an eyebrow, which he arched as he gave Dirk a once-over. Dirk couldn’t tell if he felt a similar aesthetic appreciation or if he saw him as a threat. Maybe both.

“This is Cronus.” Roxy gestured to Mr Born-in-the-Wrong-Time-Period, and then elbowed Dirk in the stomach, teasing, “He’s been keeping me company, since you were so fuckin’ late.”

“Appreciate the chair-warming. I’m sure my ass will be just fuckin’ toasty now,” he deadpanned.

“We were starting to think you’d stood her up. What are you, thirty minutes late?” Cronus asked, looking to Roxy sympathetically.

She rocked a hand from side to side, shrugging like it was nothing. “Eh. It was p’ bad. But, you’re here now!”

“If _I_ had the honor of taking out such a lovely lady, I know I’d _never_ take a single moment for granted. I’d be there for every minute I could. But hey…” He waved a hand, like, what can you do. It was quite possibly the most obvious, _Hey baby, why don’t you ditch this loser and hang with a_ real _man_ , he’d ever fucking seen. This guy had some serious balls. 

“Aw, I’m sure you’ll find someone eventually,” Roxy reassured him, giving his hand a small pat. Bam, shot down.

He didn’t give up so easily, though, giving her one hell of a puppy-eyes look. “You really think so?”

“Yeah! Totally. You’re supe’s sweet. Any girl would be lucky to have you.” 

“I dunno.” He twisted one of his rings around his finger, looking away. “I just feel like no one really gets me, y’know? All the chicks around here are just fuckin’ crazy. They don’t appreciate some softhearted guy like me. They just chase after all the douchebags. No one wants a sweet guy these days.” He sounded so put out, but with the way his eyes kept flickering to Roxy, it was clear he was expecting her to refute him.

Roxy looked like she was trying really, really hard not to laugh. She cleared her throat and nodded as seriously as she could with the corners of her mouth twitching up. “Man, that really sucks. Maybe you just gotta start talking to different girls! You know, reach a different crowd. There’s gotta be _someone_ out there for you. I mean, you’re so nice, and affectionate, and you play guitar… Some very lucky girl out there is gonna _love_ you. Maybe if you tried a music class, or a new bar.” He could practically hear the unspoken, _Or your dreams!_

He loved Roxy so much.

But the warmth in his chest changed, going from the familiar and comfortable love of a family member to that searing pink, beating the stamp of his aspect into his chest. His blood ran cold. He tried to think as hard as he could in his patron’s direction, _No. Absolutely not. Pick_ literally _anyone else._

Cronus, apparently oblivious to anything except what he believed to be his own sex appeal, seemed to be going for bashful, but he wasn’t playing it very well. “Shucks, doll. You flatter me, but…” He sighed, deeply, and took her hand in his own. “A man can only take his heart being broken so many times. Every time I find a gal I think I can get along with, it feels like…” His eyes darted to Dirk, meaningfully. “They’re always taken.”

Electricity sparked in his veins, and before he could stop himself, his mouth was moving of its own accord. “She’s my sister.”

Cronus’s mouth dropped open, looking between them. He quickly fumbled to recover. “Oh! Of course. I just meant-”

“Oops! Did I not tell you DiStri was my bro? My b’.” Roxy grinned sheepishly at him, before shooting Dirk a look. He didn’t have a chance to figure out what it meant before it was gone again.

The searing feeling was only getting stronger, building in his chest. It felt like lightning was arcing through his body, pulling on his limbs like some kind of gruesome puppet show. The message was crystal clear in his head: stay still, be quiet, and get out of the way. In a few moments, Cronus would undoubtedly try to ask Roxy out, given that the only thing that had been holding him back so far was the thought that _they_ were dating. Dirk would excuse himself, so Cronus and Roxy could eat dinner together instead, and bam, match made. Just what his patron wanted.

“You know…” Cronus said, leaning forward on the table again. Dirk thought he might have been flexing, trying to make his muscles appear even bigger than they actually were to impress Roxy. “My patron god is Hope. Creativity, belief, and all that. You could say it’s where I got my angelic good looks from.”

Roxy snorted. “You mean devilish?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s angelic. Anyway, when I was a kid, he came to me and gave me this mark.” He tapped the twin scars just above his eyebrow. "He _chose_ me. And, ever since, I can usually get a good feel for when something's gonna work out. And, you and me…” He took Roxy’s hands in his again, looking her in the eyes.

"This is cool and all," Dirk cut in, abruptly, "but we actually have to go, like, now."

The heat in his chest tipped suddenly from just intense into straight up painful, burning its way through his lungs. It took everything in him not to flinch. He couldn’t back down, though. Over the years, he’d set up countless horrible pairings and seen things go south for so many people. But lately, his willingness to go along with it was getting more and more sparse. While _maybe_ Cronus wasn’t as much as a horrible douche as every single story he’d ever heard about him implied, he wasn’t willing to risk it again. Roxy was where he drew the line.

"What?" Roxy and Cronus both looked up at him in surprise.

"Hey, buddy-" Cronus started, irritated.

"Horuss is voiding out the shop again," he told Roxy.

"Oh shit,” she swore, and stood up fast enough that the chair screeched as it scraped against the ground. Then she punched him in the shoulder. “Why didn’t you say so earlier! What the fuck! C’mon!” 

“Wait-”

“Sorry Cro gotta go!” Roxy called over her shoulder, already jumping the fence and dragging Dirk after her. He had to move fast to keep from tripping over it and falling on his face, fumbling for his voidbox to grab out his rocketboard again before Cronus could get in anymore words edgewise. Roxy seemed to have similar ideas, because she kept running even while he fumbled, dragging him away from the restaurant until he got it out and threw it down. She hopped on, and he jumped up right after her, wrapping his arms around her just in time for her to kickstart it and go shooting off.

The pain in his chest was nigh unbearable, but somehow, he managed to hold tight to Roxy as they sped through the town. Arcs of lightning ripped through his Heart again and again, pulsing with the beat. He pressed his face into his sister’s shoulder and tried to breathe normally.

Roxy only waited a minute before speaking up. “Okay, so why’d we _really_ leave? Because I mean, I’m not complaining, but there’s absolutely no way you just left Horuss alone while he was voiding out.” She didn’t try to look back at him, focused on keeping the board steady and steering it towards home, but her arm folded over his, making sure he stayed in place.

He steeled himself, forcing any pain out of his voice before he said, “Heart.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“Yeah.”

She took a minute or two to process that, which honestly, he was grateful for. It gave him time to try and get the pain under control. It still burned, but as they got further and further away from the restaurant, it felt less and less like he was being stabbed, setting into something more like a particularly bad case of heartburn. Ha. Heartburn.

“Gross,” she said, finally.

Dirk snorted into her shoulder.

“But doesn’t ignoring Heart just fuck you up? Like, you _have_ to make her matches. That was the deal, right? You can’t get in the way, or put it off, or fuck it up after you make it. You just have to keep doing whatever the hell she wants, pulling all the strings on everyone. You push people together; you keep them together. That’s how it works. We already tried every way to get out of it.”

“Yeah, but like I’m gonna keep fucking doing this shit. Look, we both know Heart has no fucking idea what she’s doing. More often than not, her decisions are made based on fleeting interactions, hope, and duct tape. People get _hurt_ from this kind of stupid, mindless manipulation. And I’m fucking done strapping people together.”

“Okay, and how the fuck are you gonna get out of it?”

“Obviously, another god.” It’d been something he’d been thinking about for a while, honestly. He was sure it was his only option. “I can’t break it myself. I already tried that. There’s no way any other mortal is going to be able to remove it, and Heart’s sure as fuck not going to do it. I need godly intervention, of the non-Heart kind.”

“Who?”

“The god of freedom, obviously.” Freedom, change, and wind. Admittedly, Dirk's knowledge about that particular god was limited to very surface level, even-a-five-year-old-could-tell-you-that kind of knowledge, and also what Tavros had told him. But, if he wanted freedom from a curse, Breath was his best chance.

“Of course. Obviously.” He couldn’t see her, but he could hear the eyeroll in her voice. “How do you know he’s even gonna be able to break it? What if it’s like, against the godly Geneva?”

“What other choice do I have?”

“Setting me up with a creepy, sleazeball niceguy, I guess.” She sighed. “Okay. I guess we’re headed for Breath’s place, then. Uh. Horuss isn’t actually voiding out, right?”

"It's possible, but unlikely. However, he may now harbor the delusion that even though Rufioh will no longer be seeing us for tune-ups because of how fucking bad everything between them is, he still has a chance with him."

"Dirky, oh my god." She sighed again, nearly whining, "I'm going to have to set him straight, aren't I?"

"Pretty please?"

"You're so lucky you're my favorite sibling."

"You mean you're lucky I'm your only sibling."

She managed to laugh despite the situation, and the wind caught it, whipping it away from her mouth as they zipped through the city.

There were twelve official temples of the gods just outside the city limits, each one specially designed to try and channel that particular god's energy. In order to cut down traffic, and make everything slightly more inconvenient, they were spread out and randomly located. Breath's was easily one of the furthest away, maybe as a part of the whole worldly detachment thing, or maybe just because he was a douche. The temple was cut straight into a cliff-face of one of the mountains a couple miles out, and the only way in was a small, rather dangerous path along the edge.

Or, if you had a rocketboard, you could just fly in. 

Roxy dropped him off just inside the mouth of the cave, watching him hop down from the board. "I know you gotta do this yourself, but I'll be right outside. If you need anything, holler. Got it?"

"Got it," he promised. 

“Don’t you go letting your pride get in the way of help, Dirk Strider, because if you die in there, I _will_ burn all of your puppets and fertilize your grave,” she warned him gravely.

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am. No dying on the mission.” He gave her a mock salute.

“That’s what I like to hear.” She snorted at him, and rocketed off.

Dirk watched her disappear, before taking a slow breath, and turning to face the back of the cave. 

The inside of the temple reminded Dirk of a sponge. The dark, bluish rock that the cave was formed out of was porous and full of holes of various sizes. Wind whistled through them, carrying a soft, haunting tune and a slight chill with it. Little pools and rivers of inky black liquid gathered in the holes of the ground, trickling from one into the next and spiraling around the temple in a pattern as nonsensical as the flow of wind. He had to watch his step carefully to avoid putting his foot in one, and even more carefully to avoid the yellow salamanders that called this temple their home.

In the back of the cave, an organ sat illuminated by the glow of blue, bioluminescent mushrooms that sprouted from the walls in clumps. Supposedly, mages of Breath learned how to play in order to contact their god. Legend had it that when they ascended high enough, they could play the whole temple, just as Breath had so long ago.

The official temples weren’t really used often. There were enough smaller temples in the city that it was just simpler and more convenient to go a block over and pray for a little relationship advice from Blood or whatever. The gods’ primary temples were a more direct way of communicating and more likely to catch their attention, but there was a more difficult process of contacting the gods. Usually, visits to these temples were saved for important occasions specific to the House or for emergencies. Playing that organ would be Dirk’s best bet at getting Breath’s complete and total attention.

The hard part would be convincing him that his case was worth bothering him over. 

The wind seemed to sing in his ears as he stepped over pitch rivers, whispering warnings to him and urging him to turn back. It pushed against his chest, but he pushed back harder. The burning in his Heart forced him onward, knowing that this might be his only chance.

Finally, his last footstep echoed softly through the temple. The ivory keys of the organ felt smooth under his fingertips, somehow void of any dust. It was bigger than he’d originally thought, towering up above him, with four levels of keys and two panels of knobs on either side. Intricate swirls were engraved in the wood, inlaid with something that seemed to glow just faintly. There was no sheet music; nothing to help him figure out what to play. 

He took a deep breath, popping the knuckles on each hand and trying to recall what faint memories he had of playing. Then, he poked out Chopsticks, trying to think godly thoughts.

The sudden blast of wind nearly knocked him right off his feet. He stumbled back, trying to catch himself, and stepped right into one of the black pools of liquid. Cold and vaguely slimy, it soaked right into his sock, seeping in and filling his shoe. Cringing, he yanked his now-pitch black foot out, planting it back on solid ground with an uncomfortable squelch.

“Do _not_ play Chopsticks on the sacred organ!” Between him and the organ, a miniature tornado whipped ink into the air, but somehow managed to refrain from splashing it everywhere. Instead, it stayed contained within the tornado, which had taken on the vague form of a man, using the ink to silhouette his form. Dirk didn’t consider himself a short man, but the guy in front of him was huge, at least nine feet tall. He had the body of a professional weightlifter, so thick with muscle Dirk was sure he could crush his skull between his tiddies if he wanted to. He couldn’t really make out any facial features, but the god’s eyes sparked and flashed like miniature lightning storms. The air smelled like burning ozone.

Breath was even bigger than Heart, the only other god he'd ever glimpsed the form of before. He'd heard stories about Hope and Void, of course, but Breath somehow seemed different. He wasn't so abstract and confusing to look at, even with the darkness of his form. He was pretty humanoid, too. In some ways, he reminded Dirk more of a nature spirit than a god, but if anything, that was just worse. Nature spirits were notoriously finicky and far from fond of mortals, and from what he’d heard, Breath was trickier than the worst of them. Either way, angering him couldn't have been a good idea.

With that clearly in mind, Dirk went blazing on ahead to fuck everything up anyway. “Why not? It’s easy, it’s a classic, and you get the idea in seconds.”

“And _everyone_ plays it,” the god groaned, dropping his head back dramatically. “I am _so_ sick of Chopsticks. Play like, Country Roads, or the Ghostbusters theme! _Anything_ else.”

"Heart and Soul?" Dirk suggested innocently.

“I’m going to smite you.” Terrifying words from a famously fickle god, but it was so deadpan, Dirk didn't bristle. The god still looked far from amused, but his head tilted, and the lightning storms narrowed. “You’re not even one of mine. If you were, you would be _way_ better at playing.”

“Hey, don’t insult my mad musical talent. My mommy says I'm the best player around."

"At what? Fischer Price's Baby's First Keyboard?" The god made a sound like snort, lifting a giant hand. It hovered just over Dirk’s chest, waiting.

"Actually, it was a xylophone, but they're basically the same thing, right?" Dirk raised an eyebrow at the hand, but he didn’t step back. Partially because there was a pool behind him that had already stained one shoe, and he wasn’t actually too eager to lose the other. And, partially because gods could do whatever they wanted. Besides, he was pretty sure he knew what Breath was doing. Heart had done it herself on a few occasions.

"No?! What the fuck." The god sounded horrified. But his hand still pressed against Dirk’s chest, going through procedure even as he screwed with him as easily as an old friend, rather than an ancient and powerful immortal being.

In that second, though, everything went sideways. The pain lessened as the god’s cold aura crept in. Heart’s power distanced and Dirk’s lungs suddenly felt free, gasping in fresh air. He could breathe again. The fiery pain of Heart was replaced with the cool, refreshing air of Breath. He’d forgotten what that felt like, to walk around without any strings wrapped around his Heart.

It was only for a second. Then all the pain came crashing back in and Breath whipped his hand away like he'd been burned. His whole body crackled with shock, the static making Dirk's hair stand on end. "Holy shit! Your Heart-"

The pain wasn't any worse than before, but now that he remembered what freedom felt like, it was almost suffocating. An insane part of him wanted to grab Breath's hand and drag it back, make him touch him again. He wanted that freedom so bad that in that split second, he felt like he would've done anything for it. Somehow, he managed to say, "Yeah, I know."

"Why are you _here_?" He gestured emphatically, as though Dirk was insane. "What the fuck are you doing, walking around like that?! If you don't do something, you're going to fall apart!"

"I'm a mage of Heart. Splintering is an occupational hazard."

"Not like _this_." He shook his head, sounding disgusted. "It feels like…" He reached out, and hesitated, like he was thinking over whether or not he really wanted to touch Dirk again. "It feels controlled. Powerful." All of the jokes and banter were gone as the metaphorical wind blew in a new direction. Even with Breath’s features lost in the inky black, Dirk still could judge his emotions just fine from the way he moved and sounded, somewhere between stunned, horrified, and confused.

“Courtesy of Heart herself,” he agreed, stuffing his hands into his pockets so Breath couldn’t see the tension in his hands. The pain made it hard to focus, but he had to push through it. 

“What did you _do_?” It might have been his imagination, but Breath almost sounded impressed.

“I fucked up some spell, nearly destroyed my soul, and sold it to Heart in exchange for my life.” He shrugged, as though it was nothing at all. “I’ve been fucking up people’s lives for her personal amusement ever since.”

“Her stupid match-making thing?” he guessed.

“Bingo.”

Breath scratched at his jaw, thinking that over. “It definitely sounds like her. She probably thinks it’s fun and you are just being unappreciative or whatever of her clearly awesome judgement in pairing up people who looked at each other one time. I don’t know why she thinks she has authority on relationships! She’s not _Blood_.” 

“Yeah, that was pretty much the impression I got. She’s seriously fucking up the relationships of everyone around me at this point with her random ideas of what would work. But, if I stop…”

“Your Heart splinters again,” Breath finished, nodding thoughtfully. “So, you think I can break the bond, because I’m the god of freedom or whatever. Right?”

“Right.”

“Well, hey! I’m honored you thought of me.”

He hated to ask. “But…?”

“My realm of control is a lot more limited when it comes to gods.” He spread his hands and shrugged, like, _Godly Geneva, what can you do_. “I can’t really just whip out the old hammer and smash the chains, you know? If gods just went around fucking up each other’s shit all the time, we would probably just end up in another war. Which would mean a lot of you dying. No one wants that!”

Dirk raised an eyebrow. “But you _can_ do _something_.”

The god pinched his thumb and forefinger together. “A little. Chances are, Heart isn’t going to just give you up. But, she may be willing to change the deal and let you pay off your debt some other way! I can back you while you bargain and try to help out with whatever new deal you strike.”

“Free of charge?” Dirk asked, because he was already stuck paying off _one_ debt. No use in making it two. Plus, with what he'd heard about Breath's penchant for tricks, he figured he had to ask.

“We will see what your new deal is. But, I’ll back you out of the goodness of my heart,” he said, putting a hand over his chest dramatically. “Also, because match-making is super annoying! I'm so sick of it.”

Dirk nodded reasonably. “I can respect that.”

“So, are you taking my assistance, Dirk Strider?” Breath asked, holding out a giant hand to him.

Dirk eyed his hand for a moment. It could be a trick. He could end up wrapped up in another bullshit godly deal. But, also, he had to wonder what choices he really had left, at this point.

He reached out and took the hand. “Yes."

Breath fucking joy buzzed him. 

Dirk yanked his hand back in surprise as the god cackled. Waving a hand through the air, some of the ink broke off from his body to form another miniature tornado, this one in the shape of war horn. “I will see you in the boardroom, then!” Breath said cheerfully, before grabbing the horn in both hands and blowing it as hard as he could. 

The horn itself made no sound, but the holes in the cave crowed as wind rushed through them all at once, sending Dirk flying back across the cave. He had no chance of catching himself this time. His feet cleared the ground and all he could do was grab at nothing, watching the god clutch his stomach and laugh. Light streaming in from the mouth of the cave glinted off of his shades and he realized he was going to soar straight off of the edge.

Pink and red flashed at the corner of his vision before someone grabbed him. His stomach flipped as he suddenly changed directions from down to sideways. Roxy’s terrified face stared down at his own, her fingers white where she clutched him to herself. “Dirk, holy shit! What did you _do_?!”

Suddenly, Dirk remembered to breathe again. He grabbed Roxy’s shoulders and she carefully let him down to stand on the rocketboard, though she still clung to him just as tight. “I think I got a sponsor. We have to go to Heart’s temple.”


	2. Chapter 2

The last time Dirk had actually been in Heart’s official temple, it hadn’t been his decision. He’d been sixteen at the time, and also, unconscious. He could hardly remember any of what happened anymore- just small snippets here and there. (Jade screaming, Roxy crying, Heart’s worried face, and so, so much pain.) Still, he remembered the temple itself pretty clearly.

The temple was in the middle of fucking nowhere, out in the thickest part of the woods. Like Breath’s, it was far from the city, and also like Breath’s, it was a cave.

Heart’s cave, however, was only inaccessible in that it was a nightmare to find the damn thing from above the trees. Fortunately, it was getting dark quickly, so they could spot it by the torchlight that illuminated the canopy, turning the closest trees a vaguely lighter green than the pitch blackness that surrounded them. Once they ducked below the canopy, it was a cinch to find the cave, clearly marked by the torches outside of the entrance, behind the waterfall.

They dismounted just outside the cave, Roxy tucking her hoverboard under her arm. “Okay. You ready for this?” she asked him. He’d never know how she always managed to find his eyes behind his shades, but she met them seriously, squeezing his shoulder.

“Got it in the bag,” Dirk assured her, though he didn’t feel anywhere near that confident.

She probably knew he was full of shit, but she nodded anyway, leaning in and kissing his forehead. “You’re gonna kill it. But, if it kills  _ you _ \- which it totally won’t! I’ll be right here. Just yell.”

“Will do.” He ruffled her hair, offering her a rare, sincere smile. “I’ll see you in fifteen, RoLal.”

“Yeah, you fuckin better. Now get.” She kicked his leg, playfully.

Dirk snorted, but followed instructions, heading into the cave of his nightmares.

Heart’s temple fit the traditional idea of a cave much better than Breath’s, with craggy rocks and stalactites and ‘mites, with just enough cleared away to make a path. Torches that never seemed to go out lit the way deeper and deeper into the rock. After a few twists and turns, the tunnel opened up into a small cavern.

In the main room, a mixture of candles and torches illuminated the drawings that covered the walls, each one personalized to whoever looked at them. They reflected the things they loved most; their innermost desires. The floor was covered in pelts, so soft he couldn’t even feel the sharp rock that had to be just underneath. In the far corner of the room, a large hearth crackled and popped gently, and the smoke filtered up through a hole Dirk could never seem to find the other end of outside of the cave. Nearby, a giant panther snored away in a pile of pelts, its purr vibrating through the whole cavern.

Unlike Breath’s temple, it was warm and cozy, like home. Not Dirk’s home, but Home, as an abstract feeling and concept. Legend had it that once this had been Heart’s home, where she sat for days at a time with no sound except that of the waterfall, turning her focus in upon herself until she achieved perfect understanding of what made each person themselves.

As a mage of Heart, he’d been trained in how to contact his patron since the day of his Choosing. It wasn’t something a person ever forgot. The low table in the middle of the room, already set with a cup, saucer, and small spoon at each place, was bitterly familiar, even after so many years.

But first, and most importantly, he crossed the room to pet the panther. It was nowhere near part of the ritual, but every mage of Heart knew that it might as well be. Pounce always got upset if he wasn’t greeted, and Heart tended to hold that against them. After getting an approving and sleepy sniff and lick, he proceeded on to the hearth.

The kettle that hung in the fire was always hot, but never hurt to touch. He took it off of its hook and to its place at the table, just across from the tea box. Then he sat down on one of the cushions to start preparing the tea. He didn’t really care for tea and rarely ever drank it. However, his hands moved almost of their own accord, going through the motions like he did it every day. The cup at the empty spot across from his was poured first, and then his own. He dropped two sugar cubes in Heart’s and just a dollop of honey, stirring until the honey disappeared from the spoon. There was none for his own. 

Something soft flicked gently at his ear, but he didn’t turn to look. He only waited, patiently, sitting straight with his hands folded in his lap as Heart padded softly past him to her spot at the table.

Heart had a few different forms that she switched between, depending on how she was feeling, but most of the time she chose that of a huge, human sized cat. Sitting straight on her own cushion, she sat just as tall as Dirk, if not a little taller. The way she held herself was poised and regal, her white fur clear of dirt, but he knew how sharp her claws were and how many needle-like teeth hid in that maw of hers. Her fur might be clean now, but he knew her well enough to know she was far from above getting down in it. Like this form, the whole regal thing was just one of her many personas she played out. He tried not to take it too seriously when green eyes regarded him icily, studying the way he held himself and what he revealed of himself. Still, he’d always hated the way he felt like she could see straight through him, reading him like a book no matter how guarded he was. It was like she could just smell it on him.

But whatever she smelt on him, it couldn’t have been bad enough that she deemed him unworthy of attention, because she leant down to lap at her tea. With that small sign of approval, Dirk lifted his own cup to drink. He sipped from his tea in silence, trying to get a read on Heart’s body language without looking too much like that was what he was doing. While she was an excellent actor, he  _ knew _ cats. While she could read him, he could read her too, with her Self constantly reflected in every form she took. Her tail flicked, idly, and every now and then she shifted like she was keeping a lot of energy buried just below the surface. It was subtle, but she was excited. He didn’t expect she got all that many visits out here, and certainly not from him. 

As they finished their tea, she looked to him, waiting for him to set the scene of the day. He would decide the setting, and she would pick the character she wanted to play. It always went that way.

Suddenly, his plan seemed much less thought out, and much more misguided. He had no idea what to say to her. The words stuck in his throat and all he could do was sit still and try not to let on how much he was fumbling. Heart only watched him, tail flicking idly as she eyed him with a hidden sparkle in her eyes, like she was thinking about how much fun they could have if he chose the right thing. Or how much fun she could have if he chose the wrong one.

Finally, he said, “I’ve come to renegotiate our contract.”

It was incredible, how he could see a cat’s mood fall so suddenly and drastically, tail going still, shoulders dropping, ears folding back. Heart shifted, the cat form melting away to take on that of something much more human, but not quite, still some strange, in-between hybrid, all too reminiscent of some of the anthro art he’d seen online. She wore an oversized trench coat that matched her eyes, olive green in color. Her sleeves puddled over her hands when she placed them on the table, kneeling on her cushion like she had half a mind to climb right up onto the table. Her eyes were wide as she asked, distressed, “What do you mean? Is there something wrong?”

While she was practically strung through with energy, he felt frozen, rooted to the spot. His voice stayed calm and steady, and he worked hard to keep his face clear of all emotions. “Yeah, actually. I’m not doing this anymore. I’m not going to keep setting up people just because you think they would be cute together.”

“What? Why! There are so many purrfect couples out there, just waiting to be set up! We were making people so happy. I thought this would be fun fur you.” While she might’ve been a cat and not a dog, her puppy eyes were still pretty damn good. When she pouted at him, her ears drooping, something in his gut twisted.

Still, he pressed, “We weren’t, and it’s not. We’re ruining people’s lives. You can’t just set people up- you can’t make  _ me _ set people up just based on random circumstantial evidence. Horuss-”

She sat back on her cushion and crossed her arms, her tail flicking as she looked off to the side with a frown. “Look, just because not every relationship works out doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still try! People don’t stop dating just because of one bad relationship. Doesn’t everyone deserve a chance at happiness?”

“This isn’t making people happy,” Dirk insisted. He moved his teacup and saucer out of the way, leaning his own arms on the table. “I know that you think you’re doing what’s best for people, and that’s your choice to keep doing that. But I don’t want any part in it anymore. Let me go.”

“Love does make people happy!” she protested. “Relationships can be beautiful, and wonderful, and-”

“Can be. But they’re not always. And when you push and force them…” He waved a hand.

“We’re not  _ forcing _ anything. All we do is give them a little nudge! It wouldn’t work if there weren’t already feelings there.”

“Sometimes feelings should be ignored.”

She already looked so upset, seeming to shrink back in on herself as he berated the very things she believed in the most. But at that, she could only stare at him, wide-eyed with horror.

Dirk only shrugged. “Just because we feel something doesn’t mean we should act on it. Sometimes feelings are stupid, misguided, and illogical, and are best forgotten about.”

“Why do you  _ hate _ your own magic so much, Dirk?” She leaned on the table again, hands pressing against the edge as she quirked her head at him. But her voice just sounded sad.

A different kind of heat flared in his chest, irritated and embarrassed. “Because it almost  _ killed _ me,” he said, sharply. That should have been the end of it, there. Any human would’ve shied away at that point, dancing around a subject that heavy.

But Heart only shook her head. “You resented it long before then.”

He wished, so badly, that Heart couldn’t read him so well. He wished that his aspect was absolutely  _ anything _ else, and he wished that she didn’t know he felt that way. Roxy never had to deal with Void knowing that she thought he was slimy and gross. Jane never had to worry about Life knowing that she wasn’t really all that interested in her aspect. Jade never had to worry about anything at all, because Space was cool as fuck. It wasn’t fair. Nothing at all about his patronage was fair, nor had it ever been, from the moment of his Choosing, onward. This stupid curse was just the cherry on top of it all.

“I want to renegotiate our contract,” he repeated, straightening up. “I’m not playing matchmaker anymore. I refuse to be a puppet for your inane desires.”

Heart eyed him, sizing him up like she was trying to decide how to approach this. Her tail flicked back and forth in a way that made him feel like he might just be her next catch. Then, she reached out, placing her hand on his chest.

The feeling of sharp heat searing its way through his chest only intensified. Usually, it didn’t hurt, but given the lightning that was already striking through his heart on repeat, it took everything in him to keep a straight face, biting the inside of his cheek so hard that it started to bleed. He’d never thought he’d miss a god before, but he would’ve given anything for Breath’s cooling touch to replace it.

When she pulled her hand away, it lessened considerably, and he could breathe normally again.

The god folded her arms, settling back on her cushion again. Her tail swept around her, her ears pointed upward defiantly. “No.”

It was honestly expected, but he still found himself asking, “No?”

“No. You need to learn the valmew of your aspect. You will learn how to use it correctly, and safely. You’re in no position to negotiate, anyway!  _ You _ came to  _ me _ . You asked fur this yourself,” she said stubbornly.

“Bullshit. I was dragged in, un-fucking-conscious, and you took my limp fucking hand and made me sign a waiver that I in no way ever fucking agreed to. I deserve a chance to renegotiate.”

“I did not! You agreed to it after you woke up.”

“Bull _ shit _ . Absolute fucking bullshit.”

“Technically!”

Heart bristled, her hackles raising all at once and her eyes going slit-pupiled. She hissed at the newcomer, baring razor-sharp teeth. Even Dirk nearly jumped, only just managing to reel his surprise in at the last second.

Breath’s grin was so wide Dirk could make it out even in the inky blackness of his face. He continued, “You revived him with the assumption that there would be a negotiation and put him in a position where he had no choice but to accept! Those are not very fair terms, you have to admit.”

“What the  _ fuck _ are you doing here?” Heart demanded, jumping up to her feet. With the way her ears folded flat against her head, and the way her teeth stayed bared, Dirk got the immediate, distinct impression that she was far from pleased with the company.

He didn’t like how delighted Breath sounded when he said, “I was invited! Dirk figured you would try and pull some shit, so I offered to mediate.”

The glare Heart shot him sent new bursts of lightning striking through his chest, tripling the pain. He bit his tongue trying to hold back any noise, but he still flinched hard, grabbing the edge of the table and pressing his opposite hand to his chest as he nearly doubled over. It crowded out his thoughts, leaving him struggling just to think straight. His mouth tasted like iron and his ears rang. He wasn’t sure which one of the gods he hated more- Breath, or Heart. Maybe it was the pain, but for the first time, he wondered if he’d made some kind of mistake. Maybe he should’ve left Breath out of it.

“This is  _ purrivate _ ,” Heart snapped.

“Actually! As the god of freedom and stuff, I think this totally concerns me. You’ve got strings wrapped pretty tightly around him, there, and given that he’s trying to bargain his way out of them, this is super my domain.” Personally, Dirk thought Breath had no right to sound so damn cheerful about it, as though he thought refereeing this was going to be an absolute fucking blast. Especially when, immediately upon arrival, he’d chucked Dirk  _ violently _ under the bus.

“He’s  _ my _ disciple! And he agreed to it!” Heart protested, her tail flicking angrily as she gestured at him. “It’s not entrapment if he’s willing!”

“Ah! But as we have already established, he wasn’t really given a choice!” Breath waggled a finger at her. “I think it’s only fair that he gets to at  _ least _ renegotiate the terms of his payment. Don’t you? You don’t have to give up his servitude completely, but you should give him a chance to engage with you on his own terms that he agrees to! He would probably resist you less that way. And, you get a chance to think of new things he could do for you.”

That manipulative bastard. While on a good day, Dirk might have admired him for it, right then he only really felt resentment. Pain clouded his thinking and it took everything in him just to keep breathing. He channeled every curse he knew in Breath’s direction, but it was hard to even string them together in a way that would make sense. He wished Breath would just  _ touch _ him, just the smallest touch, so he could feel just a little bit of that cold, refreshing energy. He wanted to remember what it was like to breathe again. The longer the pain endured, the more he thought he might not be able to anymore.

Heart glared at the other god, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she sat down again with a little huff, tail still wagging dangerously to and fro.

Finally, Dirk felt Breath’s hand, cold as the wind at the top of a mountain, touch his shoulder. The cold whipped through him, chasing out the pain and filling his lungs again. It didn’t get rid of all of the heat, but it was enough. Dirk sucked in a deep breath, uncurling his fingers from the edge of the table and straightening back up. Breath sat next to him on the ground, shrunk down to a more appropriate size of an abnormally large human, rather than a giant. The god’s eyes sparked with amusement as he looked at Dirk, and he could swear that he was grinning at him. He didn’t remove his hand and the pain didn’t increase again.

Dirk took back every single fuck word he’d thought in the Breath’s direction. In that moment, with Breath’s aura pushing back the heat that surrounded his Heart, he could have leaned over and sucked the wind dick that he may or may not have had. Officially better than Heart now, for sure.

Across from them, Heart leaned her elbows on the table, steepling her fingers. Her hackles had smoothed down again, but Dirk didn’t like how big her pupils had blown, or the way her tail still swept back and forth behind her. He felt like prey, caught in the spotlight of the cat’s eyes. “Okay,” she said, finally. “I’ll renegotiate.” 

“Yes!” Breath shook his shoulder, with an  _ unfortunate _ amount of force.

Somehow, Dirk managed to not be knocked clean over, or look as embarrassed as he felt about that. “Excellent.”

“I will allow you to pay off your debt to me with the completion of one task. After that, I promise I’ll never call on you again, assuming that you don’t back your dumb butt into another big problem you need me to bail you out of.” She held up her hand in solemn promise, but her eyes glinted with glee in a way that only made him feel more nervous.

It was  _ almost _ perfect. Just one task, and he’d be free, forever. He’d never have to set up anyone ever again. “What’s the task?” he asked.

Heart’s face split in a wide grin. He didn’t dare look at Breath, eyes fixed on his patron’s as he waited for her condition. “You have to set up one last couple.”

Actually, that was kind of predictable. Of course, she’d give him some couple that he didn’t want to set up, or that would never work out, or one final OTP before she let him go for good. “Who?”

Heart’s eyes flickered to Breath, and she pointed a claw his way, winking at him.

Suddenly, it felt like all the air in the room had gone suffocatingly still. Until that moment, Dirk had never realized just how much airflow existed at all times, and with it gone, everything felt unreal and stuffy. It was hard to breathe, even with Breath’s support, and fear seized him as his lungs struggled. “No,” said Breath. “You wouldn’t.”

She cackled. “Oh, I would! Dirk, to gain your freedom, you have to find, set up, and get John to  _ confess _ his love for someone.”

The smell of burning ozone became intoxicating as Breath’s whole body crackled with lightning, only barely avoiding Dirk. “You can’t do that! That’s not fair!”

“Oh, yes, it is! You want him to be free,  _ you let him be _ . It’s all on you.” Heart’s grin was downright predatory, all deadly sharp glee like a cat with a mouse caught beneath its paw. “That’s my final offer.”

Dirk felt frozen, unable to help or stop anything that was going on around him. His hair seemed to stand on end as Breath crackled with energy, and Dirk didn’t dare move for fear that it might somehow transfer to him. His mind scrambled to try and understand the fight going on under his nose, that  _ he’d _ inadvertently invited, because he didn’t know how he could stop it if he didn’t know what was going on. The name “John” seemed to burn its way into his brain like a death sentence. Something had gone horribly wrong.

Beside him, Breath still protested, “That’s not a real task! You can’t ask him to do that! It’s impossible!”

“Is it?” she challenged, folding her hands under her chin smugly.

“I do  _ not _ fall in  _ love _ !” Thunder boomed on the last word as lightning exploded out from Breath in every direction.

Time froze. His body didn’t even register the pain, but all of his muscles locked at once, forcefully. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t feel. His mind shut down before his body even hit the ground.

When Dirk woke up again, his entire body felt sore, like he’d just been punched so hard the shock vibrated all the way out to the tips of his fingers. He felt light-headed, like he’d taken one hit more than he was ready for. Yet, despite the rest of him feeling like he’d been served up and fried, his Heart felt perfectly fine. For the second time that day, he found himself lying on his back in bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling as he tried to figure out why the hell he was back here.

Roxy’s face was suddenly in his field of vision. “Dirk!”

He said something really intelligent, like, “Hrmng.”

“You’re awake.” She sighed in relief, sinking back into his office chair, which she’d apparently rolled up to his bedside. “How do you feel?”

It took him a second to find his voice, working his jaw slowly. He lifted a hand and rubbed his eyes. “Like I got punched into next week.”

“Sorry.” A new, decidedly sheepish voice.

Dirk’s spine protested when he tried to prop himself up more to see the source of it, making him grit his teeth. His arms felt shaky and his head spun, so he let go, letting himself fall back down on the pillows. Oh hey, extras. He was propped up now. Roxy offered him a small smile when he looked at her, and he reached out to take her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

Sitting at the foot of his bed was a man that couldn’t have been much older than he or Roxy, wringing his hands anxiously. He was definitely shorter than Dirk, and maybe even shorter than Roxy. He had that kind of heavyset stature that made Dirk think he had to be deceptively strong, built like a professional weightlifter, rather than all toned muscle. With the round cheeks, upturned eyebrows, and skin so tan it almost seemed to glow golden, he had a sort of fae-like cuteness to him that made Dirk immediately suspect of any kind of deals he might try to offer. His black hair was wild and windswept, sticking up in near every direction like he’d been caught in a tornado and barely escaped with his life. He stole a sideways glance at Dirk, before looking away again, chewing at the side of his thumb. He had a  _ terrible _ overbite, and his glasses were thick and blocky, putting a weird nerdy twist on the otherwise pretty hot nature spirit look he had going on.

“Breath,” Dirk guessed.

"Nice sponsor ya got there, Dirky." Roxy elbowed him, which sure was a fucking trick, when she was still holding his hand. "Dragged you out of the cave, totally fuckin’  _ unconscious _ . He caught me up on the way back here. You’ve gotta stop sleeping in Heart’s temple, dude.”

"I didn't mean to!" the god protested. It was incredible, how much  _ less _ formidable he seemed now. Before, his towering form had just  _ screamed  _ barely restrained chaos. Now, he just kind of looked like the result of a nature spirit going full bookworm.

It was all coming back to him now, though. Breath’s aura anchoring him, Heart’s new deal, the way Breath had completely lost his shit. He let go of Roxy’s hand to rub his face, trying to decide which question he wanted to ask first. “Since you noscoped me before I could even accept, does this mean the deal I was  _ that _ close to making is now void with no chance of renegotiation?” 

At least Breath had the decency to look guilty. “Well, technically, you didn’t  _ not _ accept. So, I would say it is probably still... uh, up in the air.” Roxy snorted, and Breath gave a very sheepish smile. It faded quickly, though. “Heart put the offer out. It’s up to you to decide which path you want to take. I’m  _ sure _ -” he glanced up, pointedly- “she’ll follow through either way.”

So, Breath was still willing to vouch for his chance at freedom, even after the way he’d reacted to the deal Heart had offered. Interesting.

Before he had the chance to ask anything else, Breath surprised him with a question of his own. "Do you feel okay? Like, no burning, throbbing, floating particles or hallucinations?"

"I mean, I don't feel fantastic, but..." He examined his hand for any kind of shake, before trying again to sit up. To his delight, he managed it, and without feeling too unsteady. His head still felt like it was buzzing with leftover energy, but he decided, "I'll live.”

Breath sighed. "I guess that's good. How's the Heart?"

"Weirdly fine, actually."

At that, he perked up a little. "It doesn't hurt?"

"Not even a little."

"Nice!" Roxy whooped, punching her fist into the air. "Somethin' good came out of that shitshow after all!"

"So she accepted! That's good! Kind of. Maybe you can filibuster it? Like, keep pretending to be working on it as long as possible so she doesn't give you other dumb tasks." It only took a minute of Dirk’s scrutiny before Breath started to squirm. So much for a big, scary god. 

“Something tells me filibustering isn’t going to cut it. You said this task would be impossible,” Dirk said.

“Yeah. You told me DiStri wouldn’t be able to do it, whatever the fuck it is,” Roxy said, propping her elbow on the arm of her chair and setting her chin on her fist, frowning at Breath.

“Well…” Breath fidgeted, picking at the hem of his shirt. 

“You wanna tell me what the fuck happened back there?” Dirk already had a pretty good idea of what Heart wanted him to do. But he wanted to hear it from him.

Breath shifted around and pulled his feet up, like he just couldn’t quite get comfortable. His thigh bumped against Dirk’s foot and Dirk kicked him lightly for procrastinating. Breath just snorted. He folded his hands in his lap and sighed. “Heart and I don’t really… see eye to eye. I  _ might _ have actually made things worse, by helping! She’s all about attachments and introspection and stuff like that, and I am really not. She thinks I am super immature and dumb, and I think she is super nosy and pushy! She’s  _ always _ trying to set me up with people, and she never takes no for an answer! I hate her whole matchmaker thing. She always thinks she knows what other people like and stuff even when that’s super not her thing anyways and it gets really annoying.”

“So, you agreed to help Dirk to get your lil’ dig in,” Roxy said.

“I mean. Yeah, basically. I thought it would be fun! I do my thing and free someone, and Heart eats shit. It was supposed to be great!” He threw his hands up.

“But she was a step ahead of you.” Honestly, Dirk was just a little impressed with Heart. Sure, she’d definitely fucked him over here just to get under Breath’s skin, but it was conniving, petty, and clever. All things he valued.

“Ugh. Yeah.” He puffed out a sigh and put his elbows on his knees, holding his face in his hands in a way that made his cheeks squish. Not particularly godly. But Heart liked to roleplay and Void would do anything for pony minifigures, so whatever. 

“So, really, not only did you almost kill me, and almost blow my chance at settling a deal, you also completely ruined my chance at getting a fair one at all because you were so blinded by your own need to be petty you failed to see it coming from the opposite direction,” Dirk said.

Breath pouted.

“Hol’ up. What did Heart  _ do _ ?” Roxy asked, looking between them.

There was a second where Dirk and Breath had a silent standoff. Dirk raised an eyebrow at him, and after a moment of squinting back, Breath sighed. It really shouldn’t have been as easy as it was to mess with a god. “The only way Dirk can get his freedom is if he sets me up with someone and it like, works.”

Roxy sucked in her breath, grimacing. “Yikes.”

“It’s  _ impossible _ . Heart has been trying for millennia! She knows there’s no way he can do it. I don’t  _ do _ the whole falling in love thing. He’s just screwed, and she planned it that way on purpose!”

“Then what’ve you got to lose?” Dirk asked.

“What?”

“If you don’t fall in love, what’ve you got to lose in helping me? Maybe if I try hard enough, she’ll finally realize it’s not going to happen and give up. Plus, I think you fuckin’ owe me, dude. I feel like I snorted a line of crack right now because of you and your shocky blowup fest and if you walk out on this, you’re dooming me to an eternity of servitude, or death. You felt it.” He tapped his own chest. “You know what’s at stake here, maybe better than anyone.”

Breath chewed his lip, unable to make eye contact. He kept fidgeting, wringing his hands, popping his knuckles, pinching his palm. But he was thinking about it.

Dirk leaned forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. “What are you so afraid of?”

Breath’s eyes were unlike any other he’d ever seen. They reminded him of storm clouds, grey and dark. He could see the tension in his jaw when it set. Already, he was figuring out exactly how this god worked. When Dirk held out his hand, John took it, and his grip was even more crushing than Horuss’s. “Fine. This is never going to work, though.”

“Never underestimate a Strider,” he said.

Breath scoffed. Then, he dissipated, seemingly vanishing into thin air. 

After a beat, Roxy whistled, low and impressed. “You talk to your patron like that?”

“Fuck no. We roleplay aristocats and sip tea while talking about the fake cat economy and rising milk prices,” Dirk said.

She snorted. Slouching lower in her chair, she kicked her feet up on the bed, crossing her legs. “Right. Still, you got balls.”

He lifted her legs enough that he could slip past them, lying back against the pillows before letting them drop over his stomach. “Sometimes boys need somebody to step up and put them in their place.”

Roxy’s hand slapped against her mouth, failing completely to stifle her guffaw. “You are fuckin’ terrible, Dirky. Oh man, he’s gonna end up killing you one day.”

“Yeah? Think I’ll take him over Heart. At least with him I’ll go out blasted to pieces or something cool like that.”

“Haha, like fuck. Heart would slice you to ribbons. He’d probably embarrass you to death. It’s  _ Breath _ , dude. Oh man, I bet he’s gonna prank the  _ shit _ out of you, esp’ now that you went and challenged him like that.”

“...Fuck.”

Roxy laughed, swinging her feet down and standing up. She offered a hand out to him, grinning wide. “You wanna get some food, now?”

He took her hand, letting her pull him to his feet. “Please. I haven’t eaten shit.”

“Lmao, I know.”


	3. Chapter 3

It felt like he’d already been to so many goddamn temples in the last twenty-four hours, and yet here he was again, rocketing through the night air on his way to another. Roxy had gone to bed, so it was just him this time, running on his own bad sleep schedule and hectic thoughts. His jacket didn’t feel thick enough to totally keep out the cold wind that whipped past him, and as he breathed it in, he thought about the wild card that’d been keeping him up all night.

John. The god of the wind’s name was John. He liked Ghostbusters. He had a bad overbite. He was fidgety, and terrifyingly strong. His touch was as cold as night air that caressed Dirk’s cheek, and his eyes were stormy grey. He liked pranks and had an easier time screwing with people than holding a real conversation.

According to him, he didn’t fall in love. And, hey, maybe that was true. It wouldn’t be the first time Heart was so caught up in her own way of thinking that she failed to recognize that of others’. If anyone knew whether or not he could fall in love, it would definitely be the man himself. But it was significantly harder to prove that something  _ didn’t _ exist.

If anyone besides John would know, it would definitely be Blood.

Blood’s temple was thankfully one of the closest to the city, probably because of his long history with being much more involved with mortals than other gods. Supposedly he was one of the most frequently seen of the gods, and a lot more responsive to mortal needs, so Dirk wasn’t  _ too _ worried about getting his attention. Even if he had no goddamn idea how to summon him.

It took him a while to find the fucking temple. He actually flew right over it and got almost a mile out before he realized he needed to turn back. The place was only just on the outskirts, out where buildings started to give way to plant life, train tracks, and roads out of the city. What few buildings there were were mostly factories and plants that pumped smoke into the air and were too loud to have anywhere further into the city. It never made any sense to him that a god’s temple would be in the goddamn packing district of all places. It would have made more sense for it to be in the middle of a neighborhood, with people trying to live as close as they could to the most accessible god around. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the temple looked like it’d been fucking condemned. It didn’t look like a temple at all. It was just some abandoned, shitty little building, old and worn down, with thick chains covering the double doors that led in. To make the whole design even worse, the chains didn’t even actually keep anyone out. The doors swung inward, so Dirk only had to duck under them to get in. He wondered how the hell this even qualified as a god’s temple. 

The inside of the temple reminded him of some dinky old bar, with wooden floors, cracked leather booths, and polished glasses lining the back wall. To his surprise, despite how rundown it seemed, it was totally spotless. Cluttered, but clean. None of the glasses on the back wall matched, but every single one was polished clean. Photographs lined the walls, varying from framed black and white photos to new, printed ones, stuck on with tape. Drawings were tacked up, too, and little crafts sat on shelves. Offerings had been left on tables, candles left lit, and flowers were still fresh in their vases. Weapons of various kinds hung on the walls; some dull with use, some still shining. A fire crackled softly in a brick hearth, burning low so the coals glowed red. It looked as though someone had gone through just recently, despite the condemned appearance outside.

In some strange way, it reminded him of Heart’s temple; far from sparkling, but  _ loved _ , so thoroughly. The difference was, this wasn’t some kind of personal oasis, upkept by a single careful owner. This was something preserved by hundreds and hundreds of people, coming in and out over thousands of years, carefully sweeping, changing out the flowers, tending to the fire, leaving tokens of their lives behind so that the building became…  _ this _ . Some, strange medley of thousands of lives all overlapping, telling a story that Dirk could sit here forever trying to decipher.

For a few minutes, he just stared in stunned silence. He didn’t dare touch anything that could be an offering in a god’s temple, but it’d never been so tempting before. There was just so  _ much _ stuff, and Dirk turned in a slow circle, taking it all in: the sword buried in the floor, the stack of letters neatly banded together that sat on the bar top, the fluffy beanbag in front of the fire that looked so much newer than most of the others, the chair that looked like it’d been repaired again, and again, and again. It’d been so obvious what to do in Heart’s temple, or Breath’s, but here, he had no idea. There was nothing that screamed Blood, nothing that told him he should pour a glass, or play pool, or take a nap. More than a temple to Blood, it seemed like… a place for his disciples, maybe? 

Maybe there was a back room that made more sense. Like, a little, proper shrine, out of the way of all of this. But the curtain that he thought led to the back just led to another room filled with even more trinkets. Checking the cupboards yielded a similarly disappointing result, as did the wine bottles, boxes, and cups.

He sighed, tugging out a chair and plopping down in it. Honestly, it felt insulting that after everything he’d been through today,  _ Blood _ was the god that stumped him. It had to be Blood’s temple. The place  _ felt _ magic, in this weird, intense, warm way- not like Heart’s, where it felt like a sudden shock that told him,  _ This is it, this is home, this is  _ me _ , _ but where it felt like this big, heavy warmth flowed through his veins and sat at the tips of his fingers, as though he only had to reach out to feel… everything he needed, or cared about. But he couldn’t fucking tap into it. He just had no damn clue how to summon this fucker. There was  _ nothing _ here.

The minutes ticked by as he sat in that chair, puzzling over how to grab the attention of the most accessible god in the world. He messaged Jade, but only got silence from her end. Probably asleep. Roxy definitely was. He doubted Jane or Horuss would know. Internet searches never answered shit when it came to the gods.

“Damn it.” Dirk dragged his fingers through his hair, leaning back with a heavy sigh. He glanced around the room again, but nothing came to him. With a heavier sigh still, he pulled out the voidbox, rooting through it for some spare parts to fiddle with while he thought it over. He twisted wires, screwed nuts into place, and pinched his finger in mechanics that snapped shut faster than he expected, falling into the familiar, mindless pattern of fiddling with metal. He thought over the different items in the room, what was more prominent, what stuck out, what vibes the room carried, but nothing came to him. So, he fiddled, taking the restless energy out on wires.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before he heard someone sigh, deep and affected, and he wasn’t proud of the way he jumped.

The man who leaned against the bar could only be Blood. He wore a cloak with the hood pulled so low, Dirk could only make out his eyes in the shadow. They glowed a vibrant red, like fresh blood. He was covered in chains, some old and rusty, some new and shining, draped across his body and shackled to his wrists and ankles. Where Dirk could see his skin, cuts opened up across it, oozing liquid in a rainbow of colors that dripped slowly to the ground. While the cuts closed only a minute or two after they opened, the arrow shaft lodged in his chest continued to drip without end. But, despite all of that, his form was somehow the most human of any other god he’d ever seen or heard of. He was big, sure, but not in that larger-than-life way most other gods seemed to favor, and still within the scope of reasonable human height. Even with most of his face in shadow, his body had the same kind of exhausted sag to it as a retail worker coming home after a twelve-hour shift.

Dirk looked at the parts he’d been messing with, and then back at Blood, wondering if he’d somehow accidentally summoned him.

Blood answered the question before he could even ask it. “Okay. You’ve been sitting here for like, an entire hour and a half. Oh, sorry, an hour and  _ twenty-three _ minutes! My bad! Thanks Dave, I really care  _ so much _ about the  _ exact amount of time _ that this guy has spent loitering in my fucking temple! That was so important! Those seven little minutes made all the fucking difference, you’re right. Let me just fucking restart all of this so I can get it  _ preci _ \- Shut up! Mind’s fucking unborn mother, I’m going to  _ shove your rotting fucking arm up your ass if you don’t let me take this call right now _ .”

Dirk blinked.

Blood sighed, and his chains clinked as he stopped his angry flailing and folded his arms again. “Sorry. Other gods can’t  _ mind their business today _ ,” he said, by way of explanation, with a pointed glare at the ceiling.

He nodded.

Blood pinched what Dirk could only assume was the bridge of his nose, hidden under the hood. “Okay. Restart. None of that happened.  _ Why _ have you been sitting in my temple for an hour and  _ twenty-three minutes _ doing absolutely jackshit?”

“Do your disciples usually just wait you out, or what?” Dirk asked, sweeping his trinkets back into the voidbox.

“What? No! Why would they wait me out? That’s so counterintuitive. That’d take forever, and you could always just summon me immediately by-” Blood paused, and stared at him. “Oh my gods. You couldn’t figure it out. You couldn’t figure it out! You just sat here, the whole time, because you had no idea how to summon me! What the fuck! Who  _ sent _ you, why are you  _ here _ if you don’t even have the slightest damn clue how to summon me? Who just rolls up to a temple that isn’t theirs that they- Hang on, never mind. This is your  _ third temple _ ?”

Listening to Blood talk was truly an experience unlike any other. For a guy who looked like he should’ve been dying, he sure had a lot of energy. It wouldn’t have been a total exaggeration to say that the god had no idea what an inside voice was. Even his  _ body language _ was loud. He talked with big, sweeping gestures, which his chains seemed to do nothing to prohibit, shrugging, slumping, swaying, rocking on his feet. He might have even given John a run for his money in the expressive department. Dirk wondered, absently, if this was where the phrase, “wearing your heart on your sleeve” came from. He just  _ kept going _ , too, steamrolling on like no tomorrow. He might’ve actually talked more than Dirk did.

“Your ties to Heart and Breath are super strong right now, but one of them is like,  _ freshly _ strengthened, so you must have only really met him recently, and judging by the way they’re muddled, you talked to both of them at the same time. You’re a mage of Heart, so that’s like, not super shocking, but Breath…  _ likes  _ you, which is weird.” When he said it, his fingers moved through the air, plucking on invisible strings that brought each one sharply to mind. Heart’s glowing eyes and pocketful of knives, Breath’s cool touch and stupid, knockoff Little Monsters shirt. Blood squinted at Dirk. “What the fuck. What are you  _ doing _ ?”

He did his best to shake the images from his mind, and  _ not _ get too hung up on the little fact Karkat had tossed his way. He got to his feet and pocketed his voidbox. “I’ve got a deal with Heart I have to try and break.”

“Yeah, I can feel  _ that _ . Fucking Deeps, she’s really got a grip on you. Seems like she’s actually tied herself  _ to _ your Heart.”

Right. Bonds. Blood was all about bonds. Dirk usually thought of it as just, like, relationships, but he supposed maybe this fell into his wheelhouse too. ...Maybe he should have come to Blood, instead of Breath. Heart actually  _ liked _ him, and something told him he’d be a lot less underhanded than the god of fucking trickery. But, hindsight is twenty-twenty.

He said, “She has. She’s got me playing matchmaker to pay her back for saving my life or whatever, and I have to find someone Breath will fall in love with.”

Blood blinked. Then he started to laugh, pressing his head into one of his hands. His laugh was as loud as his voice, rough and rumbling deep from within his chest. His shoulders shook and his chains clinked as he leaned back against the bar, holding his stomach. “Oh my- Holy shit. Oh, fuck, I can see it. That’s so fucking petty. She really pulled that shit on him? And on you? Fuck. She’s just never going to give it a rest! Time’s decaying brain, I’ve told her he’s never going to go for anyone she pushes on him. It’s useless!”

Useless was really one of those words he’d been hoping Blood wouldn’t use. Maybe, like, difficult, or crazy. He could deal with those. But useless? He pressed, “I mean, okay, sure, he won’t ever date anyone Heart sets him up with. I get that. I can respect it. Stick it to the man, or whatever. But he  _ does _ fall in love sometimes, right? How doomed am I, here? Give it to me straight, doc. What’s the verdict?”

“Pretty fucking doomed. Like, it’s not a definite, but I wouldn’t bet any money on your success. She really fucking gave you a whopper with this one. But he  _ does _ love people, sometimes.” Blood sighed, pressing two fingers into his temple. “It’s pretty rare, but not unheard of. There is a  _ small chance _ you could actually pull this off. But the hard part isn’t going to be finding someone he likes- it’s going to be getting him to  _ realize  _ it, and acknowledge it. Breath somehow actually manages to be maybe the most emotionally constipated of any of these dunderheads, and that’s saying something, because Time and Light are  _ right _ there. That trio is the collective defending champion in the moron Olympics. If they entered a competition for emotionally stifled bullshit, they’d win, every single fucking time, without fail. No contest!”

“I can handle it,” he said.

Blood looked him over for a moment, before snorting and folding his arms. “Yeah, sure. Maybe you can. Why the hell not.”

A real vote of confidence, there, but whatever. He had his answer. There was a  _ possibility _ he could pull this off, and that was all he needed. “You got any advice on where to start?”

Blood glanced up at the ceiling, mulling that over. “I can’t give you too much help on this because you’re really supposed to be doing it on your own. But this task is basically impossible, so I doubt she will or has any  _ right _ to throw a fit over you asking for a little godly help.” He sighed and rolled his shoulders, chains clanking together. He steepled his fingers, dipping them towards Dirk. “Alright. So, the best way to set up a relationship that  _ actually works _ is by trying to find someone the target would be  _ friends _ with. The strongest relationships tend to be ones where the people involved are good friends. With Breath, you’re gonna need something strong. Otherwise, he’s going to be convinced that they’re just good buddies or whatever and it’s not  _ actually _ romantic feelings! Because he’s an idiot, and that’s what he  _ always _ does. I mean, he’s going to think that anyway, but it’ll at least make it harder for him to deny when you start skullfucking him about it.

“So, with that out of the way. How do you set up a friendship? Find a person with interests similar to his, who can put up with his shit, and relate to him, all that good shit. I figure you have enough brains to know what the fuck a friend is and how a person finds friends. You’ve got them. And if you can’t figure it out, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to drill it into your thick skull. What you really need to worry about, then, is learning about Breath. You can’t find people he’ll be friends with if you don’t even know  _ him _ . Ask him questions, ask his friends questions, spend time with him.” Blood waved a hand. “I’m sure you’ll figure him out. You’re a fucking mage of Heart, and he’s not exactly  _ complex _ . In fact, he’s probably the most simple-minded moron I’ve ever fucking met, and Time’s brain is  _ literally _ rotting away.”

“Who are his friends?” Dirk asked.

“His strongest bonds are with Light and Time, who are, coincidentally, also the most  _ insufferable _ gods out there, besides him. He’s also pretty tight with Mind, but she won’t help you. She gets really hung up about impartiality with these things. Goes into her whole rules complex. Light and Time  _ might _ help you, depending on whether or not it’s in the stars or-”

“And here I thought you didn’t want me bugging you while you took a call.”

“FUCK!” Dirk jumped, but his reaction was absolutely  _ nothing _ compared to Blood’s, who whipped around so fast he tripped on his chains and fell flat on his ass, splattering- well, blood, everywhere. The god clawed at the bar top to drag himself back up to his feet, swearing loudly at the two gods that stood just behind it. Multicolored liquid gushed onto the floor as the room temperature cranked up several notches, suddenly stifling. “You fucking  _ bastards _ , you shitheaded cocksuckers, pathetic fucking excuses for gods, unborn  _ slime _ from the Dark Mothers, you should’ve stayed the fuck in her freaky fucking clutch instead of clawing your  _ disgusting _ way out. Fuck you, and fuck  _ you _ , for inviting your shitty omniscient asses down here, what gives you the  _ right _ . This is  _ my _ temple, you do not get to fucking come down whenever the hell you feel like and desecrate all over this  _ sacred place _ with your retched vibes, you pretentious ass snogglers. I will have your  _ dicks _ on a goddamn  _ platter _ for this-” 

The two seemed totally unphased by Blood’s rage, leaning on the bar with their chins propped up on a fist each, mirroring each other so perfectly it was almost disturbing. Even though Blood was angry enough that even  _ Dirk _ felt uneasy, the twins looked perfectly relaxed, as though this was something that happened every day. There was no doubt they were twins. Their mannerisms were too similar; their emotions kept ever-so-carefully in check, but their body language relaxed and casual. They had the same body type, not particularly tall, not particularly short, not particularly thin, not particularly fat. Their faces looked similar, too, when he could make them out. Plus, he'd heard stories about the twin gods born from the Deeps with power over the past, present, and future. 

Time was literally rotting. Blood had said he was, but it was one thing to hear that and another to see the way his skin dried and stretched thinly across his face, or the way his hair, so blonde it looked white, fell out in clumps, or watch his fingernails curl up and fall off. He looked deathly pale, wearing clothes that belonged far, far in the past, tattered and dirtied beyond easy recognition, stained with blood. The only thing that didn’t seem affected was the blindfold tied around his head, which stayed a perfect pitch-black no matter what, secured tightly in place. As Dirk watched, he rotted to almost nothing, before time seemed to reverse, and he reformed, turning back into a healthy young man in a clean, loose linen shirt and trousers. Freckles were scattered across his skin and countless scars connected them all, marring what otherwise would have been a very handsome face. A pair of giant, dark wings sprouted from his back, folded in close to his shoulders like a large, feathery cloak. He was hard to look at, not just because of how disgusting the rot was, but also because of the way ghostly images of him seemed to move in his place, tapping their fingers on the bartop, picking up a ghostly letter stack and looking it over, bumping Light.

Light seemed to be made entirely of crystal, cut angular and sharp in the shape of Time’s twin. She reminded him of an early video game rendering, still blocky and all edges. Inside, fog swirled, thick and white, and if Dirk looked hard enough, he could swear he saw things moving in it. Shadows and pinpricks of light flickered at the corner of his eye, urging him in, insisting that he look closer, but he got the feeling that if he did, he'd lose more than he gained. She had two pairs of arms, with the second pair folded on the bar top just behind the first. Her eyes were like little suns, and she had  _ tons _ of them, smaller and packed together where most people would have eye sockets. They crept up towards her hairline, so that her bangs dimmed some of the light. The firelight reflected off of and through her, shining the occasional rainbow through the room, or blinding him, making her just as difficult to look at as Time. He was only just spared from being completely blinded by the dark, velvet robe she wore, which reminded him a bit of a more fashionable wizard’s robe. Roxy would have  _ loved _ it.

He couldn’t tell where Light was looking, but she couldn't have been talking to anyone but him when she said, “You summon him by praying. That’s all. Just think really strongly in his direction, and he’ll come running.”

Dirk slapped his palm into his forehead before he’d even thought the gesture through.  _ Idiot _ .

The corners of Light’s mouth curled upward and her eyes seemed to glitter. “ _ Fortunately _ for you, it seems the stars are aligned according to the fifth position, and Mercury is  _ very _ nice today.”

“Fuck you,” Blood spat, finally cutting off his spew of insults and jabbing his finger at her. “Who the  _ fuck _ do you think you are-”

Time didn’t move, but one of his ghostly alternates did, grabbing Blood’s finger and yanking his hand in. Despite being practically bones at the moment, and also some weird ghost, he managed to pull the god off balance, tugging his hand in and pressing what could  _ generously _ be called a kiss to the back of it, given he didn't really have lips left to kiss with. Somehow, Dirk managed not to cringe while watching it. “Always nice to see you too, dude.”

“Eugh!!” Blood pulled a face, yanking his hand back so quickly the ghost’s arm snapped off and came with it. He pried it off and threw it on the ground, and it disappeared, along with that particular ghost. “Don’t  _ do _ that!”

Time huffed out a small, amused breath. Light cracked one of her little smirks. Dirk could only watch, silently, not wanting to be the idiot who inserted himself in a conversation between gods as dangerous as the twins and as easily angered as Blood. They seemed like a dangerous combination and he hadn’t gotten a good enough read on the group yet to decide how much they actually got along.

Light said, “We  _ think _ we’re here to help. Unless, of course, you  _ enjoy _ Breath’s endless denial?”

Blood seemed ready to lay in on them again, but then he paused, looking at Light more critically. “Wait. Are you saying this is actually going to work?”

Rather than answer, she winked at him, which was not a thing Dirk would’ve thought she could have done. She didn’t really have  _ eyes _ , in the sense that most people did. It was more like half of the lights on her face suddenly winked out, and then flicked back on. Watching it had to be up there on the list of strangest things he’d ever seen, right up there with everything about Time, period.

“Great, okay.” Blood sighed, rubbing at his cheek tiredly. “Whatever, we’ll talk about this later. Time and Light, Dirk Strider. Dirk, the two biggest idiots ever to earn the title of gods, and the ones in charge of your fate. Be nice, or don’t, I don’t really actually give a shit either way. They’re tools.”

“You flatter us,” Time said. He finally moved, lifting his head and taking Light's hand. They both flickered, reappearing in front of the bar. He leaned an elbow on Light’s shoulder, and Light offered a hand out to Dirk. 

Dirk looked at Blood, but Blood only crossed his arms and leaned against the bar, apparently just an onlooker in this shitshow now. He didn’t look particularly pleased, but Dirk was starting to think he never was. The air was no longer sweltering, so he couldn’t have been that mad, at least. But it still didn’t make Dirk feel any better about the two gods standing in front of him.

He’d met a fair amount of gods in the last few hours. But, unlike Breath or Blood, he couldn’t get a read on these two. Maybe it was just the way Time’s flesh sloughed off his bones freaking him out, or the serious Shining twins vibes they put off, but he got the feeling they didn’t particularly care whether or not they helped him, so long as the result was entertaining. They’d hardly said a word to him so far, already offering their hand like they knew exactly what was going to happen and didn’t care for beating around the bush. Which, he supposed might’ve been true.

Time and Light were the twin gods of fate. On their own, Time had authority over the passage of time, and Light, knowledge and fortune, but together they could map out and manipulate the timelines. Light was Time’s eyes, and Time her loyal knight, carrying out her orders. From what he’d heard, they weren’t too bad on their own, but together, they were nearly always bad news. Most recorded moments in history where both of them appeared to someone tended to immediately be followed by something big, scary, and deadly.

As he hesitated, Time raised a pale eyebrow over his blindfold, and Light said, “You seek knowledge. Do you want to know who Breath is, or not?”

Dirk eyed her hand. The fog stopped in her palm. Her fingers seemed to be solid crystal, and the firelight reflected in them. “What’s in it for you?” he asked, forcing himself to make eye contact with those blinding suns again.

She smiled. “Helping a friend.”

Dirk studied her expression, but found nothing. She didn’t elaborate further, and Time’s skull grinned at him through his paper-thin skin. He didn’t see any other choice. Taking a quiet breath, he took her hand.

Light felt cold and sharp, in the way that cut straight down to his bone. She was like a knife, honed to perfection over the years, that knew all the right places to stab, cutting out the imperfections and letting warm sunlight wash over what had been hidden under. Time felt like running the last lap of a twenty-mile marathon through the snow, knowing that the finish line was  _ just _ over that last hill, worn to exhaustion but still pushing forward anyway. He was cold to the point of heat, worked to the point of rest. They felt like being pushed to the limit, beaten to the point of breaking, but finding what would make it all worth it. What  _ had _ to make it all worth it.

It was overwhelming. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, or move, or blink, but at the same time he felt the urge to run, scream, hit them and shove them away. His body ached and his mind felt so full. More than anything, he wanted to fall and not get back up again. He’d meet his end early, tie up his line all neatly, and move on. He’d learn what was beyond this. The greatest knowledge.

Heat flared in his chest, searing and harsh, pink and vibrant, burning its way through his lungs with sharp lightning strikes. He gasped in a breath and opened his eyes. He had no memory of closing them.

Dirk was sitting on the fur beanbag in front of the fire. As he watched, a log cracked and slipped, hitting the coals and sending up a shower of sparks. He felt comfortably warm, if a little tired, and stifled a yawn as he started to push himself up. 

The gods sat together in one of the booths, the twins on either side of Blood, who dwarfed them by comparison. Light seemed to be playing a game of chess against herself, but the chessboard was in the shape of a cube and floated a few inches above the table. She had her cheek propped up on a fist, one arm braced on the table, one gesturing idly as she talked, and one tapping a chess piece against one of the edges of the cube. Blood was slumped back against the seat, fiddling with something in his hands and scowling, by the look of his eyes and the angry tone of his voice. Time had twisted in the booth to lean back against Blood and kick his feet up on the table, and while he was still enough that he could have been a corpse, his ghostly alternates moved and fidgeted, fiddling with Blood’s chains, picking at the cracked leather of the bench, poking at Light’s chess pieces and earning an absentminded swat from her.

The way they sat together, arguing about something Dirk couldn’t make out, the familiarity between them was too apparent for them to be anything but friends. He supposed it would make sense, that Blood of all people would somehow be able to befriend the scariest gods Dirk had ever met. Though, Dirk would pay big money for the story behind that one, because this temple, and what Dirk had grasped of Blood’s personality, could not possibly fit in less with what Dirk knew of the twins.

As Dirk approached them, only Blood looked up, or reacted at all. “You’re awake,” he said, seeming surprised, or impressed. Dirk couldn’t tell.

“Yeah. What the fuck was that?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning a hip against the table. One of Time’s ghostly alternates nudged him with a shoe that was falling apart before his eyes and it felt surprisingly solid. He chose to ignore it, if only because he had no idea how to react to  _ Time _ kicking him.

“Good question! Why don’t we ask Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber, over here,” Blood said, waving a hand at Light, like,  _ Take it away _ .

“Mortals aren’t really equipped to handle more than one godly aura at a time,” she said, without looking up from her chess game. “So, that, in tandem with our gift, was a bit too much for your system. You’ve been out for-”

“Four hours, eight minutes, forty-nine seconds,” Time cut in. 

“Yes.”

Blood sighed.

Dirk managed not to gape, somehow. He’d been here for over five hours. Roxy was going to  _ kill _ him. ...If she found out. But she was asleep. So, therefore, everything was fine. Then the other part of what she’d said processed, and he asked, “Your gift?”

“What are his hobbies?” Time asked. “His favorite color? His take on Shrek Retold as a cinematic masterpiece and gift to this universe?”

It took him a second to get it, but it clicked. Without even trying, information about Breath- John, came to the surface of his mind, called upon as easily as though he’d learned it himself. His favorite movie, things he liked about human culture, actors he’d confessed to finding attractive. A lot of deeper, more personal stuff was missing, and there was nothing on his relationships with other people, but it was a good baseline. “Damn.”

Time shot him a fingergun. “You’re welcome.”

“You’ll have to put together the rest on your own, but that should be enough to get the ball rolling.” Light slid her rook across the cube. “Blood wasn’t  _ completely _ wrong. He is pretty simple, and you are a mage of Heart. You’ll get it soon enough.”

“Hey! What the fuck do you mean, completely? That’s the entirety of what I said!” He elbowed her, glaring her way. “How is any of that garbage even going to help him? Wouldn’t it be better if he learned on his own?”

“It’s just icebreaker shit. I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she said dismissively, pushing a pawn forward.

Blood looked like he was going to say something else, but Time flicked his hood, about where Dirk approximated Blood’s ear to be. He whipped his head towards Time and whapped him upside the head. Though, it was light, judging by the way Time’s skull didn’t go flying clean off. “Keep your shitty, maggot-infested fingers to yourself, or I’m pushing you to the floor.” 

Time ignored him. “He’s gonna keep bitching until we go through this part, so. Basically, between the three of us, and like, Mind, we know everything there is to know about Breath. Blood is only ever going to bitch about him, because Blood bitches about everyone, so you’re not gonna get anything super helpful out of him there. So I’m gonna run you through the Breath tutorial for dummies real quick, and then Light is going to tell me that I’m stupid and do it the “right way” or whatever-” he made air quotes- “and then you’ll go home and spend the next several hours constructing a masterplan, only you actually won’t, and you’ll get so into your machines you’ll forget all about it until Roxy comes downstairs in the morning and asks you how it went.”

Dirk couldn’t speak for the gods, but, yeah, that sounded about how his night would end up going. Disappointing, but unsurprising.

“Don’t give mortals play-by-plays of their lives,” Light said distractedly.

Two of Time’s alternates waved her off. “Anyway, Breath tutorial for dipshits trying to get him dicked down. Numero uno, he’s going to prank the shit out of you. Be ready for that. Prank him back if you dare, but I wouldn’t really recommend it. His revenge schemes are nasty. Numero dos, don’t offer him cake. Ever. Just don’t do it. You should probably invest in some of the worst movies you can find. We already gave you a list. Pop that shit in the VCR or whatever and you’ll manage to pin him down for a good two hours at least. He’s a sucker for it. He likes hanging out with people who are kind of shitheads and roll with his punches, and aren’t afraid to punch him right back, but he doesn’t like straight up assholes. Try finding a girl who’ll beat him up. That’s my advice, which I can give, because I’m not Blood and I don’t really know dickshit about relationships.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Blood scoffed.

Light pulled her queen off of the bottom of the board, placing it on the top instead. “I wouldn’t advise pranking him back, per se, but it wouldn’t hurt to screw with him a little in return. Judging by the company he keeps, I can only assume he has some kind of masochistic desire to be fucked with on a semi-regular basis. But you knew that already.” She looked up at Dirk, briefly, and he nodded. She looked back at her chess cube. “He is kind of a dick, but he cares a lot, deeply, about a great many things. I understand we may be giving you the impression of otherwise, but he can be very sweet. He  _ wants _ to care. You’ll have to teach him how to. I don’t imagine you believe you’re up to the task. And you won’t be. But you’ll work it through eventually. You may want to strangle him by the time you do, but isn’t that what friendship is all about? My advice is to let him tell you what he thinks he’d like and let him try it, even if you think he’s definitely wrong. His taste sucks. You know this. Try to remember it.”

“I feel like I should be taking notes or something, here, in case I forget all this shit. I mean, thank you, but it is like a  _ shitton _ of information to suddenly have dumped inside my skull with little-to-no actual warning,” Dirk said. “Can you guys even be doing this? Or is John going to get super pissed at you guys for just giving me all this information and spilling all his dirty secrets or whatever?”

“He knows his name?” Time twisted to look over at Light, sitting up more.

“Yes. He might care a little, but it’s inconsequential. We kept the juicy bits to ourselves, so he won’t have anything to be really mad about.”

“Yeah, okay.  _ Why _ are you guys doing this again? Not that I’m ungrateful or anything, but I feel like it can be deduced why I don’t exactly trust like that. Is there going to be some sort of twist deal here, where you were giving me the info out of the kindness of your hearts,  _ but _ , since you were so nice, I should really pay you back by doing all this other shit, and it’s also not really optional? Because that feels like a thing that could happen. No offense. I’m sure you guys are super trustworthy and merciful. But, y’know. Kind of already have one shitty deal on my plate, here.”

“There’s no twist,” Light said.

“I know, it sounds fake as shit,” Blood agreed. “But they are  _ actually _ sincere about this. Which is weird for them. I keep watching to see if they’re going to suddenly get sick and start puking omens everywhere or something. I don’t think honesty and sincerity have ever been introduced to their systems before. Their bodies might not be able to handle it. They could have a serious reaction to the stuff.”

Light and Time elbowed him at the same time.

“Ow! Fucking Deeps.” He swatted at them both. “Gods. But seriously though, they’re legit. They’re actually doing it for him. I can feel the care in their bonds and shit. So, I guess, if anything, they’ll heckle him for something in return?”

“Now that’s an idea,” Time mused.

Light nodded thoughtfully. “Excellent advice, Blood. I believe we’ll have to take that one under consideration.”

Blood sighed, deeply. “Do you see what I have to deal with?”

Dirk still felt a little uneasy, getting unprompted help from two of the most powerful gods. But, for better or for worse, he trusted Blood to tell him the truth, here. He said, “Legally, I don’t think I can openly sympathize without being sniped where I stand.”

Light winked.

“Damn.”

“We should all get moving. One of Blood’s disciples is going to be here in thirteen minutes,” Time said, letting his feet slip off the table and sitting up.

“Right.” Light looked at her cube and sighed, before waving her hand over it. It disappeared. “I wish you luck with John, Dirk.”

Dirk nodded, pulling his voidbox out of his pocket to start rooting for his rocketboard. “Thanks. And thanks for the help. All of you.”

“Anything to get that asshole to shut up about how he’s so detached from love,” Blood huffed.

Time huffed a soft breath, elbowing Blood in the side. “Aight. Get moving, kid. She’ll catch you first.”

“Right.” Dirk tossed down his board, jumping on and kickstarting it. With one last salute to the gods, he flew out of the weirdest damn temple he’d ever seen, headed back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have concept art of the gods now! so far ive drawn blood, light, time, and breath. kachow https://daedalusdavinci.tumblr.com/post/611511467281465344/concept-art-for-the-new-au-im-writing-its-called


	4. Chapter 4

Despite John's promise that he would help Dirk, days went by with no sign of the trickster god. There was no sign of any god at all, actually. With no lingering pain in his Heart or any trace of magic fucking up his life, he’d almost say it felt like his life had gone back to normal. He managed several days of consecutive punctuality at work, he got lunch with Roxy without anything going sideways, and even managed to talk Horuss out of texting Rufioh. Everything proceeded without issue. It was as though gods had never flipped his life upside down.

But Heart’s presence had been hanging over Dirk’s head from the time he was sixteen, on, and he didn’t trust that she was done fucking with him for one second. He waited on tenterhooks for something to happen and for his Heart to erupt in pain again, sure it was only a matter of time. He couldn’t just laze around and wait for her to get bored and kick his ass into gear. He needed to track John down. But whenever he tried hitting up one of his temples in the city, all he got was radio silence in reply. He needed to summon John again, somehow. The temples were a no-go. He could fly all the way out to John’s primary temple again and try poking out some good old “Twinkle Twinkle” until he got pissed enough to put in an appearance, but he had a feeling there was an easier way.

Something Time had said stuck in his mind. He could summon Blood just by thinking about him, so who was to say he couldn’t do the same thing with other gods? Maybe they just chose not to listen. But if he could catch Breath’s attention and lure him out…

Horuss looked at him weird as he struggled up the stairs with his arms loaded full of DVDs and grocery bags, but wisely, decided not to ask. He turned back to his work without offering to help, and Dirk somehow managed to make it up the stairs without dropping anything.

Locked away in his room, Dirk began constructing his own version of a shrine to the wind god. He piled up blankets and pillows on his bed and emptied bags of assorted candy into one of two bowls, saving the other for popcorn. The new DVDs were stacked by his TV, with the most obnoxious one he could think of popped in the player. 

As the movie played, Dirk tried to keep Breath clearly in his mind. He thought of cold breezes, the exhilaration of free-falling, the wind whipping past him as he rocketed through the sky. He formed an image of everything that made Breath in his mind and held onto it, drawing on it and reeling him in. It was supposed to be impossible to hold onto air, but Dirk had felt Breath before, and he was sure he could do it again.

But the movie dragged on as two morons dragged a corpse through a beach house and Dirk began to have his doubts. It wasn’t hard to think about Breath- he did that all the damn time- but it was hard to stay focused on his Self when he was being distracted by this shitty movie. He had to wonder how the hell Breath could even like this stuff. Dirk sank lower into the pillows with a sigh, pressing his fingers into his temple.

He wondered if Breath was actually a step ahead of him and hiding just to watch him suffer through these stupid movies. Hell, Breath would probably think that was hilarious, keeping him just hopeful enough that he might show so he’d keep watching dumb movies by himself. It was probably way more appealing than actually revealing himself. Ugh, fuck.

Begrudgingly defeated, Dirk grabbed for the remote to switch the movie off. He was just thinking about what a total bust this was when a powerful static shock zapped his fingertips, making him whip his hand back away from the remote in shock.

John, sitting next to him in his human form, grabbed up the remote before Dirk could recover. “Hey! This is the good part.” He whapped Dirk upside the head with the remote.

“Ow, dude,” Dirk protested, grabbing the back of his head. “The fuck? You weren’t even watching.”

“Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there,” he said, waggling it at Dirk. He tossed the remote out of Dirk’s reach on the bed and stole the popcorn out of his lap, sitting back to watch the movie.

Rather than argue any further, Dirk just sighed. He sent a silent thanks to Time and Light, picking up one of the candy bars and tearing the wrapping open. As ridiculous as the advice had originally seemed, he’d successfully managed to wrangle one slippery god into his room to snack on popcorn and watch some of the worst movies Dirk had ever heard of. It had been farfetched, but it’d fucking worked, so John could steal as much food as he felt like. He’d gotten it for him, anyway.

“So where the fuck-” Dirk’s eyes widened behind his shades as Breath’s hand slapped over his mouth, cutting off the rest of his sentence.

For a moment, John didn’t seem quite so human anymore. His eyes were dark behind his dorky frames and they sparked dangerously. The air pressure had increased to the point where it felt difficult to breathe, like Roxy’s fattest cat had taken up real estate on his chest. Dirk wasn’t sure he could speak if he wanted to. “No commentating,” he said, before letting him go again. He sat back and returned his attention to the TV.

Dirk stared at him, stunned silent. All he could think was,  _ Holy shit. Okay. _ He guessed he was watching Weekend at Bernie’s, then. 

John flat out refused to let him speak until the end of the movie. Every time he tried, John’s eyes would flash and his ears would pop, and he ultimately decided it would just be better to keep quiet. It wasn’t until the credits rolled that John started to stretch and yawn, and Dirk took that as a sign that it was okay to make noise now.

“Am I permitted to speak with his Majesty?” Dirk deadpanned.

“Hmm. I suppose,” John said, stretching his arms up above his head and sliding low in his seat. His shirt rode up so high, he looked a lot less kingly and a lot more like a dumbass.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Dirk asked. “You said you were going to help. That means being around to help. Not fucking off to gods know where.”

“I am helping! If you can’t find me, you can’t complete your task, and technically, that’s not your fault! Therefore, Heart can’t punish you, and everything is fine. We all win.” John gestured with one hand as he spoke, reaching for the remote with the other.

Dirk poked him in the exposed bit of his side, causing the god to yelp and curl in on himself. “We went over this already. That’s not the plan.”

“Jeez. You sound like some young mastermind in an action movie who thinks he is going to save the world just because he knows a little bit of chemistry and gets As in his middle school classes.” John rolled his eyes, snatching up the remote and exiting the movie to the menu.

“Look, if we want this shit to work, we need to actually put in some effort. To make a convincing case, we need evidence. To get evidence, I need you.”

He got another eyeroll from John, who slid off of the bed to go check out the other movies on his shelf. He thumbed through the new ones and said, “So you just went out and bought a whole bunch of movies and candy and camped out in your room to have a sad, lonely pity party about how doomed you are.” He pulled one of the movies off of the shelf, waving it at Dirk with a raised eyebrow. “It’s kind of sad to binge late eighties, sci-fi movies on your own, you know.”

“Who the fuck would ever watch these garbage fires with me?” Dirk returned.

“Hey, Ghostbusters is a fucking classic, okay. Fuck you. These are good movies!”

“John, they’re horrible. They’re  _ so _ bad.”

“You don’t know shit.” John swapped out the DVD in the player with the one in his hand, putting away the other one and sticking it back on the shelf.

“My bro was a director. I think I do know shit.”

“What, seriously?” John looked interested, suddenly, hopping up onto the bed. Kind of literally. He jumped in the air like gravity had no hold on him, drifting down to plop his ass right next to Dirk, legs crossed and looking at Dirk like it was storytime in the kindergarten classroom.

“Yeah, and if you help me, maybe I’ll even tell you more about it,” Dirk said, folding his arms.

John groaned, flopping back on the bed. His legs stuck out over Dirk’s, apparently having no regard for personal space. “Do you even  _ have _ a plan, or did you just creep on me to find out all my favorite stuff so you could lure me out here and feel like you accomplished something?”

“Time and Light told me, no creeping necessary. But yeah, I do.”

“Those bastards.”

While John still seemed fairly distracted, Dirk plucked the remote out of his hand, before he could play the next movie and put off helping further. “Tell me about your friends.”

“Hey! What the fuck?” John lifted his head, frowning at Dirk.

“Tell me about your friends,” he repeated. “The more I know about the kind of people you like hanging out with, the better an estimation I can make as to who I can set you up with. At the very least, it’ll mean spending time with people you might actually enjoy talking to, rather than people that’ll drive you insane.”

John chewed his lip, thinking that over. Then he sighed. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

It’d been kind of a longshot, but against all odds, he’d roped John into actually helping. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

John shifted around, trying to get more comfortable and dragging a pillow under his head. He kept fidgeting and readjusting, and in a way, Dirk suspected he was procrastinating. "Well, Time and Light are my best friends. You met them, apparently, so you probably already basically know who they are. They're both super weird and macabre or whatever, all, ooh, death and bones, we're so scary, we're ancient eldritch demonspawn! Which is super dumb and lame, because they are kind of just nerdy edgelords. Light thinks she knows everything, and she is super annoying about it. She gets really smug so it's super funny when she fucks up and falls for my tricks, which actually happens a lot, because she does not know everything at all and the future is always super fuzzy for her so she pretends to be mysterious and vague about it to be cool but really she is just dumb. Time thinks he is super cool and hashtag not like other gods or whatever, but he is actually really lame. He likes fungi and really awful music and he thinks emotion is overrated or something, but he spends like all of his time begging for attention. They are both kind of dicks and are always going out of their way to screw with the others, which means we get in trouble like, all the time. It's awesome.”

"Blood hates us. I mean, he doesn't, he loves everybody, but we drive him insane. It's really funny. He goes on these awesome, crazy rants about it that I don't really understand but they are pretty funny anyway. He has a really big problem with me in particular, I think, but I think it is also just fun. I don't think he's capable of really hating anyone. He yells a lot and he is super irritable but he cries about weddings and he worked super hard to help Light win over her wife and he always lets Time do his weird fidgety pokey thingy even though it is super annoying and he just kind of cares a lot about everyone all the time. The anger thing is super fake, I think. But it's funny, so I don't really care. He's awesome to prank because he totally blows his top about it.

"Mind is kind of the worst, I guess? She has this really annoying laugh and she is always talking about impartiality and justice even though her justice is super fake and unfair! She can be really mean sometimes and she does some fucked up shit, but she is really crazy smart and also really crazy and sometimes it is really super funny. She is even better at driving people up the wall than me sometimes, which is super impressive, but she doesn't do it that often; just sometimes, and usually Blood. I think it is how she shows affection. I think she has a lot going on and she just doesn't like to talk about any of it, but that's okay. She's usually a lot of fun. She sucks, but she's fun. I think she would probably eat me raw for shits and giggles if she thought it would freak me out and I respect that."

Dirk almost felt like he should be taking notes. For one, this was probably the biggest inside scoop on the gods anyone had ever gotten, even if he wasn’t sure he fully understood everything John was talking about. Also, it was kind of a lot, and Dirk was having some difficulty cross-referencing all of the new facts in his head and picking up the patterns. If it wasn’t so lame, he’d draw up a diagram to try and map out the overlaps. (...He might do it anyway. But later.)

The main thing they all seemed to have in common, though, was that they were dicks, John thought they were funny, and he liked screwing with them. Which, frankly, didn’t help Dirk at all. He couldn’t set John up with someone based on a guess of whether or not John would find them funny or worth pranking. John hadn’t even told him  _ why _ they were dicks, or  _ why _ they were funny. It just wasn’t enough information. “What do you like about them?” he asked.

John gave a sigh, like he was already tired of answering questions, pulling the pillow from behind his head and smushing it over his face. “I don’t know. They kind of suck! Light and Time always act like they don’t care about anything and they are rude to everyone, and they try really hard to seem mysterious and unapproachable or something for some dumb reason. Light says Time has a lust for his father or something and Time says Light is afraid that people will find out how bad she is at hugging and Mind says they’re both weenies. Light  _ is _ really bad at hugging, but I don’t think that’s it. I think they just try way too hard to be cool. And they are super cool! But not because of that. That is just kind of lame and dumb. But it is kind of cool that they let me be friends with them even though they are super weird about making new friends.

“I like Light because…” John held the pillow against his chest, folding his arms over it. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought it over. His eyes seemed lighter than the last time Dirk had seen them; a cloudy, silvery grey. Maybe it was the lighting. “She is a huge dork. She tries to act really scary and she has that whole demonic mistress vibe, and she likes to pretend like she knows more than she does. But she gets really big headaches from her powers, so she usually only knows like, a little bit of the future, and usually only the good paths or best case scenarios, so it’s actually kind of easy to prank her because those are always her worst case scenarios. It’s her blind spot. She likes demons and black cats and things that other people are afraid of. She married one of the scariest and most deadly ladies I have ever met and every single day she has to brag about how great her wife is. But also, every time Kanaya says something nice to her she literally starts glowing so brightly you can’t even look at her and she gets really embarrassed about it. She loves her a lot and she isn’t really good at showing affection, but she does in her own little ways and it’s really sweet. She likes fiction books because she doesn’t already know everything about them, and she and Blood and Heart have a book club where they argue a lot about things I don’t get. She has like five million cats that she saved from dying on Earth and she coos and purrs at them when she thinks people aren’t looking. It’s really cute and sweet.

“Time is  _ also _ a huge dork. His whole entire thing basically is that he doesn’t have emotion and he doesn’t care about anything, but he cares so much about all of the things no one else cares about. He gives gifts to crows and he picks up worms to put them back in the dirt, and he gives funerals to people who died alone. He knows every kind of embalming practice in existence and he has a perfect skeleton of every creature that ever has or ever will exist. He wears that dumb blindfold and he has that dumb pokerface, but he talks to himself and he likes dancing but he doesn’t like it when people see him dance because he thinks he looks dumb. I’ve never seen him stop moving and he talks more than almost anyone I know, except maybe Blood. They are kind of a nightmare when they’re in the same room, most of the time. He likes affection but strangers touching him freaks him out and he gets all stiff and his feathers all poof out so that he looks super dumb. His hugs are probably the most comforting thing in the world, which is weird, because he’s kind of cold and he’s always dying, but I swear he knows how to do it just right. It’s like he stole all of Light’s hugging ability in the weird eldritch egg sac or whatever.

“They’re both really smart and super powerful, but they just, care, about the smallest and dumbest little things, in the funkiest way. They are dorky and sweet, and I guess it makes me feel special that I get to see that side of them? Them and Blood are all so much older than me, and they don’t open up easily. I don’t really get why they picked me, of all of the other gods they could have hung out with, but I’m really glad they did.”

It was… unexpectedly heartwarming, actually. Given the way John had originally talked about them, and the way they talked about him in turn, he hadn’t ever thought John would actually be so sweet when he asked him to elaborate. Maybe it was the way he fidgeted and hummed while he thought, or the way he looked kind of embarrassed to even be admitting how much he cared about his friends to a near stranger, but it seemed so… domestically human. He was this big, scary god, who got insecure, teased his friends, was allergic to peanuts, and loved Tamagotchi, and it was just… completely insane to think about.

Only a god would be able to rescue cats from death or collect skeletons on the scale John’s friends did, but the hobbies and interests themselves were so human. Insecurities, fronting, dumb habits, getting nervous or falling in love- they weren’t stories he expected to hear about gods that he’d always thought of as so terrifyingly powerful. Time and Light were the twin gods of fate- the scariest gods Dirk had ever heard of in his life- but someone else saw them as just a couple of dorks who couldn’t manage their emotions properly. From John’s perspective, they actually sounded almost… cute. It was in stark contrast to the way Dirk had grown up hearing about them, watching Mom weave light together or sit bent over a crystal ball late into the night, or Bro cut through time itself, winking in and out of existence as he dashed through the timelines. They’d always seemed so incredible to him, wielding great power beyond his comprehension. But even the twins of the Deeps were people with lives and hobbies, Dirk supposed. He was starting to think that, maybe, with the gods, personhood was the rule and not the exception.

While Dirk sat, mulling over all the new information, John glanced over at him a few times anxiously. With no cue as to whether or not to continue, John apparently decided to, lacing his fingers together and pushing them under his chin. “Um. I guess I like Blood because he’s really funny to mess with, but he’s also like, actually a pretty good friend? He’s really angry and snappy most of the time, and he has the most over-the-top reactions to pranks I have ever seen in my life, which makes him the  _ perfect _ victim. It’s almost too easy to mess with him!  _ Everything _ sets him off. He could literally throw a tantrum about anything, just on the spot. I could be like, hey Karkat, what’s wrong with this chair? And he’d lose his shit! It’s great. He loses his shit at us all the time too, but I don’t think he’s ever meant anything he says. He sits there and calls Light a pretentious fuckwad, but he’s always one of the first people to tell her to just take a break and take care of herself instead of working herself so hard. He complains about Time and Mind  _ constantly _ , but I think he cares about them more than just about anybody else. He’s the number one enabler of Time’s clingy bullshit, and he is way too soft on Mind. She teases him about it, like, all the time. It’s weird. I don’t think I would call him nice, but he is very, weirdly sweet, and he is probably the biggest softie I have ever met. He doesn’t look or sound like the god of relationships and stuff, but once you get to know him, you get it, like, immediately. He kind of sucks at them, but he cares about them, like, a lot. You would have to be crazy to think Blood doesn’t care about you.

“Mind is just… a lot, I don’t know. She is super crazy and really weird, but I think she is also one of the strongest people I know. She is really smart, and really good at actually like, doing her thing? Time and Light kind of suck at it, but she’s actually great at mentoring and leading her disciples where they have to go and stuff, even if she doesn’t always seem like it. She is like the mad scientist in a movie who drinks the experiment when it isn’t finished yet and you think she is totally insane, but it actually turns out she is just a kind of weird, eccentric genius who is a billion times smarter than you in every possible way. She could think circles around me, probably. She’s super dangerous and deadly and you would never ever want to be on her bad side, but she tries to eat Time’s beetles when he’s not paying attention and she picks her nose and she really likes crocs for some reason? They are always super ugly crocs, too. I think she just likes the little crocodiles that are always on them. She has like, the worst and most random taste in stuff. But she’s really cool and intimidating too, somehow? I don’t get it. She punches me when I’m being dumb and her breath smells super bad, but she is really funny and a lot of fun to hang around.”

“So, you make friends with people mean and powerful enough that they could wreck your shit, but dorky and caring enough that they won’t,” Dirk summarized. The way John talked about his friends, all of them had a decent sense of humor and were willing to roll with John’s pranks, and weren’t above fucking with him a little in return. They also all seemed to have issues expressing how they felt, more or less, and had weird ways of showing they cared. They were unorthodox people, with weird interests, but Dirk wasn’t sure if that was just a god thing or not. All of the gods seemed to be pretty damn weird and into weird, niche things. John was actually maybe one of the most normal ones he’d ever met (so far). (But maybe people were just weird and unorthodox, but didn’t have the magical ability to pursue it.)

John shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it.”

“Sick. How would  _ you _ put it, though? What do you think you look for in a friend?” Dirk asked, nudging one of his legs.

John shrugged again. “I don’t know. People who can take a few pranks. I guess all of my friends have kind of really pessimistic outlooks on things? They’re all kind of weird and off-putting, but that only makes being friends with them more fun, because I get to know how dorky they really are. Also, most of them like cats. Except Mind. I think Mind would eat a cat.”

Dirk nodded, slowly. “Right. Valuable information, there, which I will most definitely use.” The cats thing was definitely not helpful.

“Are we done now?” John asked, propping himself up on an elbow and stretching to try and grab the remote back from Dirk.

Dirk held it out of his reach, ignoring the way John pouted at him and thinking it over. “If you  _ were _ interested in anyone, or if you felt any kind of attraction to someone, what do you think they would be like, or look like?”

John huffed at him. “I don’t know, dude! It doesn’t happen! But it  _ definitely _ wouldn’t be someone who lured me in with the promise of my favorite movies and then cucked me all day!”

Dirk sighed, holding the remote out to him. It seemed as though he’d gotten everything out of him that he could for the day. John grabbed for it, and Dirk pulled it back just out of reach again. “If I give it to you, you have to promise me that you’ll actually continue to check in after this. If you watch a bunch of movies and then just fuck off, never to be seen again, I swear on the Original Mother I  _ will _ fly out to your temple and play the worst goddamn Star Wars theme you’ve ever heard over and over again until your ears bleed ink.”

“I will  _ kill _ you.”

“Don’t make me download the Twinkle Toes jingle and blast it through your pipes.”

“Noooo! Okay! Okay, fine, you slave driver. Give me the remote!” He slapped at Dirk’s chest, before making another grab for the remote.

This time, Dirk let him take it, snorting faintly. “That’s what I thought.”

“Now that stupid song is going to be stuck in my head all day,” John grumbled, sitting up and hitting play. He sank back against the pillows next to Dirk, crossing his arms and sulking.

“But everything sparkles,  _ and _ glows.”

It was worth the pillow to the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you havent already seen it, paya drew the john from this story over on twitter! if you havent seen it yet, absolutely check it out bc its SOOOO GOOD!!! 
> 
> https://twitter.com/PapayaParty/status/1238998829782966272  
> idk how to link things neatly on ao3 yet so take this


	5. Chapter 5

At Dirk’s count, this was his third time tripping over a wire and eating shit in the last week. He’d been trying his best to look out for them, but in his defense, putting it at the bottom of the stairs was just plain cruel and unusual. He  _ had _ been warned, but nothing really could’ve prepared him for what was the full attention of a god who found nothing funnier than when he made a fool of himself. 

John materialized above him, snickering up a storm. He pretty much always seemed to stick to his human form when he was here, possibly for stealth purposes, but the whole floating everywhere thing really defeated the point. “Dude, you make this  _ way _ too easy. I don’t even have to lift a finger!”

Biting back a groan, Dirk pushed himself up into a sitting position. He grabbed John’s hand, using it to pull himself back up to his feet and taking smug satisfaction in the way John panicked and flailed to keep from being yanked down. 

“Hey!” John protested, twisting his hand free of Dirk’s.

"You earned that.” He brushed himself off, looking back at the wire on the stairs. When he went to grab wire cutters, John followed, trailing after him like an absurd balloon. 

“You are just mad because you fell for it  _ again _ . So much for super sick ninja skills,” John teased him. 

“One of these days, John, I'll have my revenge, and you'll eat those words."

“Oh yeah? What are  _ you _ going to do?” John scoffed.

“Something really awful. Just horrible.”

“Like  _ what _ ?”

“I’m going to make you go on a date.” When John rolled his eyes, Dirk pulled the wire cutters out of the drawer and jabbed them in his direction. “I mean it. You’re going out with someone tonight.”

Just like that, John’s demeanor did a sudden one-eighty. His mouth hung open in horror, staring wide-eyed after Dirk as he walked back to the stairs. “You’re kidding me. Since when! No one told me I was going on a date! I didn’t agree to this!”

“Actually, you did, multiple times,” Dirk reminded him, taking a knee and snipping the traitorous wire.

“Not like, a specific date, though! What if I didn’t show up today? I could have been busy!”

“I had a plan for that. But, since you took it upon yourself to make an appearance, I don’t have to worry about it. Very thoughtful of you, by the way.” 

“Fuck you! I’m not going on a date with- with, some random person! I didn’t plan for this! I’m not prepared! Oh my gods.” John dragged his hands down his face, looking more scared than Dirk had ever seen him before. Not that he had a lot of experience with seeing John scared, nor had he really thought gods were  _ capable _ of that. But, why not, he guessed.

“You’re a god. You can change your outfit with the wave of a hand. You’ll be fine,” Dirk said dismissively, standing up with the wire in hand. He tossed it in the trash and the wire cutters onto the table. 

“No! I’m not doing this. You can’t just, randomly set me up with whoever, whenever you want!” Crossing his arms, John did his best to look defiant.

“Yeah, but I did. She’s coming over in half an hour, so you need to get ready.”

“What!”

Dirk folded his own arms, leaning his hip against the table. “Look, I have to set you up on dates eventually. The whole point of this is to disprove by trying. If we don’t try, we can’t disprove anything. Which means, you need to go on dates. And besides, she’s cool. She works with Roxy at the arcade. She’s a gamer girl, man. How bad could it go?”

“Uh, bad? I  _ suck _ at dates! I never know what to do, or say, and it’s so awkward! The cultural norms keep changing, too. Plus, I don’t even know her name, or where we’re going, or anything! What am I supposed to do?”

“Just ask her, dude. Talk it out. It’ll be fine.”

“But what if she expects  _ me _ to know?”

“Then tell her you don’t know. This isn’t that deep, John.”

“It’s not as easy as you make it sound, either!” 

“It’s a first date, dude, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yes it is! First impressions are super important. That’s how you don’t get a second date! Which! I don’t want!”

“Then you have nothing to worry about.”

John groaned, dragging his hands down his face. 

Had the situation been different, and had Dirk been the type of guy to laugh at all, he might have laughed at John. After all, John was a god. Surely, he could ace any date he went on. How could he mess it up when he had powers on that scale? He was no Blood, sure, but still. It had to count for something. And yet, John was panicking as much as a middle schooler about to go out with a girl for the first time ever.

But this was Breath, the god of being im-fucking-possible to hold down and the slipperiest bastard in the world. If Breath decided he didn’t want to go on this date and made a run for it, Dirk would be fucked. Despite how good he’d gotten at getting Breath to make an appearance, he was sure the only reason why he managed it was because Breath  _ felt _ like hanging around. There was no way in hell he’d be able to summon a god against his will. If Breath decided to stop cooperating, there was no way Dirk would ever win his own freedom.

“Dude, listen. We both want this curse to end so we can get on with our lives. But, in order for it to end, you’ve gotta go on dates eventually. And, yeah, it might not go great and you might not get a second date. But that’s not so bad, is it? I mean, we  _ want _ to disprove that this is going to work out, and in order to do that you have to go on a bunch of dates that don’t work out. Like, I know on paper that probably sucks, but you’re just gonna have to get used to turning people down after one date and getting turned down.”

John sighed, crossing his legs in midair and bracing an elbow on one knee, propping his chin on his fist. “I hate doing that, though. People always get so upset, and I hate hurting them over a stupid date I didn’t even want to go on in the first place!”

“I know.” He shifted, trying to find a more comfortable way to lean against the table, before just giving up and hopping up to sit on it. He picked at the edge of the table where his hands braced against it, looking at the dirty floor. They were overdue for some cleaning.

But that was just a distraction from his loss of words. What did he say? How could he convince John to feel good about going on dates he didn’t want to go on that would end up making him feel uncomfortable in the end? He wasn’t sure he could. After all, who the fuck was he to talk? He was just too intense and off-putting to make dates work with most people, and given his horrible track record with love, he wasn’t exactly an enthusiast. He’d more or less given up on dating. It was too weird and shitty, most of the time. He’d rather just hit up a bar and flirt with whoever was dumb or drunk enough to look past his oddities in the name of screwing around.

It was different, though, and that made it all the more difficult to talk to John about this. On the side of shitty dates, John was the one who always had to turn people like Dirk down. Plus, where Dirk seemed to find himself attracted to a new guy every day, John was claiming he went into dates already knowing he had zero interest in the people he was going out with. It felt fake. Like, how could someone just  _ not _ feel that way, ever? But then, some people probably thought similar things about Dirk, with his total lack of interest in women.

Ugh. He hated dealing in love.

Dirk pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes and sighing. “I don’t know, dude. It might suck, yeah. But it might be fun, too. Look,” he took a breath in, gesturing with his hands out in front of him, “don’t think of it like a date. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to get to know a new person and make a friend. You’ll have more fun if you focus on this as an opportunity to hang out with someone new, rather than tripping yourself up with all the romance shit. Also, if you focus on building a friendship, at the end, they might be more willing to accept an offer of continuing to be friends than just like, totally cutting off contact. This is a chance to make friends outside of the gods you’re stuck with for all eternity and catch up on current human culture. Watch some movies that aren’t from the fucking eighties, check out what new shit humans have built. Don’t stress too much about the dating part right now. Besides, like, you don’t even have to tell her you don’t want to go on another date today. Usually, people don’t plan second dates  _ on _ the first date. She might hit you up about it later, and then, when she does, I’ll help you let her down easy. Alright?”

While he spoke, John seemed to mull this over, fidgeting with his hands in his lap and picking at his nails. Somehow, through magic that was absolutely beyond Dirk, Roxy had managed to rope John into painting them. He’d already managed to pick almost all of the paint off, and Dirk had a feeling that by the end of this date, it’d be all gone. Finally, he said, “Okay.”

Somehow, Dirk managed to bite back a sigh of relief.

“I’m making you type up the breakup message though,” he said, jabbing a finger at him. “I’ll go on this stupid date, but you have to help me! We are a team, here. I am not just helping you for nothing.”

Dirk rolled his eyes, hopping off of the table. “Yeah, I know. You bastards never do anything without an equal exchange contract. Only, it’s super unequal, and involves human slavery.” 

John zapped him playfully, shooting a small bolt of lightning from two fingertips at him. It was never strong enough to hurt, just sudden enough that it made Dirk jump the first few times he did it.

Without thinking, Dirk caught it on his own fingertips. Time seemed to slow. Electricity arced through his veins, shooting up his arm to his heart. His vision flashed eye-searing pink and his heartbeat pounded in his ears, slow as a clock’s ticking. The electricity snapped back together and shot down his opposite arm, and as time sped back up, his body seemed to heat with it. The lightning carved burning heat deep in his flesh, and without thinking, he jerked his hand. In seconds, the bolt redirected and zapped John back, startling him bad enough to have him jumping another two feet into the air.

Dirk stared at his hands.

John’s mouth hung open. 

“Did I just-”

“Holy. Shit.” John swooped lower, grabbing Dirk’s wrists and staring at his hands like he expected more lightning to jump out of them, and wanted a blast of it right in the face when it did. “I didn’t know you could do that!”

“I didn’t either. What the fuck? Can all mages do that?” He had to remind himself not to look too stunned when he looked up at John. It was hard, though. John’s eyes were a blue so bright and vibrant, Dirk felt like he’d been shocked a second time.

“No! I mean, some of mine can, if they practice  _ really _ hard, and have another Breath mage to throw lightning at them who is good enough at  _ that _ to not kill them, but I didn’t know anyone else could!” John grabbed his hand, rubbing his thumb across Dirk’s palm. “That’s so weird. In like, a super cool way. Why didn’t you ever do it before?”

“I didn’t know I could.” He dragged his eyes away from John’s, looking at their hands instead. “Trust me, if I knew, I would have redirected that first blast you hit me with.”

John looked sheepish, giving his hands a squeeze. “Sorry about that.”

“Unless you did it on purpose, you don’t have to keep apologizing for it. If it was with malicious intent, you owe me a six-page paper, double-spaced, MLA format, due on my desk by Monday. If you’re not kissing my ass hard enough that it bruises, we’re fucking done here.”

John laughed, and Dirk found himself watching the way the god’s eyes crinkled and the way he bit his lip when he tried to stop grinning. “Noted. That’s crazy, though.” He looked down at Dirk’s hands again, thoughtfully. “You don’t think it’s some kind of crazy Harry Potter thing where I zapped you and accidentally put some of my powers into you or something like that, do you?”

Dirk scoffed. “No, I don’t think it’s that.”

“Damn.”

He flexed his hands in John’s, wondering if he could bring the lightning back somehow. The temptation itched at him. Just to see if he could. He was sure that if he thought about it, he could tap into it. It was tantalizingly within reach. But he couldn’t. “Heart has always felt like lightning to me. Like, when I feel her, or use my powers, it’s always this pink lightning. It’s not normal lightning, but I guess it’s close enough. It’s just her.” He turned his hands over, taking John’s hands in his own to suppress the urge to try and do anything.

“Huh.” John never looked away from his hands, but fresh air flooded Dirk’s lungs. It was the first time he’d felt Breath so clearly since he’d had Heart stabbing into him, but to his surprise, even without the stark contrast between Heart and Breath, he felt like he’d just seen the sky after a lifetime in the dark. John’s aura was refreshing in the way rain was after days of feeling hot and sweaty and lazy. Unthinkingly, he held onto his hands tighter. John’s eyes were silver again, light and thoughtful, and for an insane moment Dirk felt like he could tip into them and drown. Could he breathe without him?

He almost didn’t hear him when he said, “I don’t feel it. It feels like… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain! What do I feel like?”

Dirk opened his mouth and closed it again. Suddenly, the words felt difficult to come by.

“Strider!”

At Horuss’s distressed call, Dirk dropped John’s hands, looking to the doorway out of the workshop. As soon as he let go, it felt like the spell had broken. Breath’s aura vanished from his mind. He felt like he could almost grab onto the tail-end of it as it escaped and draw it back in, and it was tempting. But he let it go.

John gave him a strange look that he didn’t have time to read before Dirk was slipping past him, going to find out what had his coworker so stressed out.

Horuss stood on the work floor, wiping his forehead anxiously with a rag that only left streaks of grease all over his face. Standing uncomfortably near him was Roxy’s coworker, a longtime friend of hers, and, coincidentally, the vengeful ex of the man Horuss had had an affair with- Damara. It hit Dirk suddenly that he may have made a grave mistake.

Damara was, of course, smoking inside. Dirk didn’t know how he hadn’t smelt her coming. She caught sight of him first and gave him a sly grin, before blowing a stream of smoke right into Horuss’s face. She spoke to Dirk in Japanese, and while he might have been trying to learn the language, she spoke fast enough that it all went clear over his head.

“Deeps, you kiss your mom with that mouth?” John said from next to him, having apparently followed behind him and dropped back down to his feet. It was weird, to be reminded that he was actually taller than the god like this. He never really thought about it when John was floating everywhere, but now the contrast was starker.

For a second, Damara seemed surprised. Then she grinned, switching to her broken English. “You bring me Japanese boy. Very good.”

“Uh. I’m actually Korean?” John gave Dirk a weird side-eye, raising an eyebrow like he expected some kind of explanation.

Before Dirk could say anything, Horuss cut in. “Damara says you invited her here.” Dirk hadn’t seen him so distressed since… well. Since the last time he’d had a run-in with Damara, really. His goggles were fogging up, but stubbornly, he wasn’t taking them off. His towel was dirty, but he was sweating so much that his shirt looked damp. It wasn’t something he could help, really. Hyperhidrosis ran in his family and in any situation that a normal person might sweat a little, Horuss had a tendency to soak the floor. Dirk had gotten kind of used to it after so long, but usually they at least had more towels lying around so this kind of thing didn’t happen.

Dirk confirmed, “Yeah. She’s going on a date with John. But she’s early.”

Damara shrugged, giving him maybe the fakest innocent look he’d ever seen. 

Horuss looked between Dirk and John, seemingly not reassured. Dirk knew Horuss still had yet to decide what to think of John. Dirk had explained he had a quest with John a while back, so Horuss wouldn’t question him constantly popping in and out, but he had neglected to tell him the whole story. Horuss had no idea about John’s godly status. This was in part because Dirk worried he’d get weird about it and start trying to kiss his feet or something, but also because he’d never actually explained Heart’s curse to Horuss, and he didn’t particularly want to get into it now.  _ Especially _ not now. Instead, he just let Horuss assume John was a particularly strong Breath mage. It was almost funny watching Horuss try to figure out if he should respect John for it or look down on him for being so goofy and childish all the time. He couldn’t judge John based on his background, so instead he had to scramble to find another way to fit him into his little world hierarchy. Dirk didn’t think going on a date with Damara would earn John any extra points.

“ _ This _ is the girl you set me up with?” John asked, but it wasn’t really a question. As he said it, he waved his hand, and a light breeze blew away the smoke from Damara’s cigarette that threatened to drift into his face.

Dirk bumped his shoulder into John’s, or tried to, and leaned down to speak softer against his ear, so they’d be less likely to be overheard. “Just give her a chance. Remember, if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t matter.”

John sighed. 

Horuss, however, pinched his lips together, looking between Damara and John. “I really think you could do better.”

Damara grinned at him, saying something again in quick Japanese that made John’s eyebrows raise. Dirk made a mental note to ask him what it meant later, but by the look of it, it was nothing good. She switched to English and said, “Ignore horse man. He is sad because he did worse. I let you do me. We go now?” 

John looked at Dirk apprehensively, but Dirk bumped him again, and he sighed once more. “Yeah, sure.”

As John moved forward, Horuss huffed and moved back to a bench where a project lay abandoned, muttering under his breath. It seemed like they’d be leaving, and the situation would soon defuse itself, so Dirk turned to head back to the forge himself.

But Damara said something else in Japanese, holding her finger up to John in the universal sign for,  _ Wait one second _ . Dirk watched as she walked over to where Horuss was bent over his work, resting a hand on his lower back and leaning up to murmur something in Horuss’s ear. He saw Horuss brace his hands on the bench and Damara grin before she rejoined John.

Dirk opened his mouth to saying something- he wasn’t even sure what- but a loud  _ crack _ sounded throughout the building, like wood snapping.

John jumped; Damara laughed. She ushered him out the building before he could get a better look, leaving Dirk staring, stunned silent, as Horuss slowly pulled his hands away from the desk, revealing the chunk of wood he’d snapped clean off.

“...I’m going to go for a walk,” Horuss said, his voice disturbingly calm.

Dirk nodded, because fuck, what else could he do? “Sounds good.”

Horuss set the wood down and headed out, still in his work apron and goggles.

Dirk took a slow breath and grabbed his own apron. As he looked for where he’d left his tools so he could take over Horuss’s shift, he wondered, not for the first time, how the fuck Heart had ever thought he’d be good at matchmaking.

When John came back, it was without Damara. He had somehow returned both earlier and later than Dirk was expecting. It was earlier than he was supposed to, but also, later than Dirk thought he’d bail. He blew in like a tornado, scattering loose papers and very nearly crashing into Dirk. At the last second, he leapt up, flipping upside down and hanging in the air in front of Dirk.

He wouldn’t get any work done until he’d talked to John and he knew it, so Dirk set his blowtorch down, pulling off his mask. The room was bright without goggles protecting his eyes, but it wasn’t so terrible he wouldn’t adjust. Although he knew the answer, he asked, “How’d it go?”

John’s scowl was so deep, arms folded tightly over his chest, Dirk was almost worried he was going to pump him full of electricity again. His eyes were dark and dangerous, so dark Dirk couldn’t tell if they were a deep blue or a dark, dark grey. “How do you  _ think _ it went! Why would you set me up with her! She was so horrible. Did you  _ hear _ the things she said to Horuss?” He uncrossed his arms to gesture wildly, his eyes flashing and sparking. 

“Just because I have a textbook on Japanese language sitting on my shelf, gathering dust, doesn’t mean I’ve mastered the language. She and Horuss have a complicated history.”

He blew out a breath, frustrated. “Yeah! I kind of got that! It wasn’t just him, though! She was so nasty. The whole time, she kept saying all these awful things! I didn’t know what to do!”

“Well, if it went that bad then at least you won’t have to worry about seeing her again,” Dirk said, carefully. After Damara’s stunt in the workshop, he hadn’t really expected the date to go well. However, he hadn’t expected it to go this badly, either. In his experience, Damara could be really cool, and pretty nice. Though, lately… things had been changing. He’d underestimated how much, and how badly seeing Horuss would affect her. Relationships and people were so damn complicated.

“I think she only even went on that date with me because she was hoping I’d sleep with her! Do you know how  _ horrible _ that was?” John asked, grabbing the front of Dirk’s shirt as though he was trying desperately to make him understand.

The truth was, no. He didn’t. Probably in part because he’d  _ been _ that guy before, hitting up guys in bars just in hopes of taking someone home for the night. Plus, it wasn’t like John  _ wanted _ to go out with these people, and it’d probably be easier for him to turn Damara down if she was only in it for a quick fuck. “Again, it’s not like you ever have to see her again,” he reminded him.

“That was two hours of my life I will never get back, Dirk.”

“You’re immortal.”

“Besides the point! Gods.” John let go of him and dragged his hands down his face, groaning. “I can’t believe you put me through that.”

“We’ll find someone better next time,” Dirk promised. “This is only the first date, so of course it’s gonna be a little rough. But we’ll get better at this.”

“I think you just suck at matchmaking.”

“Maybe so.”

John snorted. His eyes seemed lighter when he grinned at Dirk, even if he still seemed pretty exasperated, so Dirk had hope. 

He did wish John wasn’t quite so close to him, though. “Can I get back to work now?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You can  _ try _ ,” John scoffed, flipping over him again and resting an elbow on his shoulder from behind. “But you put me on that date, and you’re going to hear every single complaint I have about the whole thing.”

Dirk sighed, picking up his mask again and strapping it back on so he could get back to work. “How lucky I am, to entertain the gods.”

John snickered, and Dirk was intimately aware of just how close his face was to his own, even if it was no longer in front of him. “You’re just lucky you’re not completely insufferable to talk to. It  _ almost  _ makes up for the fact that I’m trapped in this deal with you and your bad matchmaking!”

“Technically, you’re not really  _ trapped _ . You could bail anytime. It might be sort of counterintuitive to your aspect, and of course Heart would continue to harass you forever, but you  _ could _ leave.”

“Yeah, and then Mind would kick my butt over breaking a promise to you. No thanks!” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see John roll his eyes. “Plus, everyone is totally rooting for this for some reason. Time and Light think it’s a great idea, and they even got Blood in on it? Which is kind of freaking me out a little. I know he is like, totally weak or whatever and would probably do anything if Time begged him enough, but this is weirdly sincere. Plus, even if Time  _ did _ bully him into it, the fact that Time’s willing to go that far is  _ also _ super weird. I don’t know what the heck they see in your matchmaking skills to believe in you so much, because they kind of suck, but.” John shrugged. “You’ve got fate on your side, apparently.”

“Y’know, somehow that’s really not as reassuring as I feel like it should be,” Dirk mused.

“It really shouldn’t be. But  _ Blood _ is behind it, so that’s… hm.” He propped his chin in his hand, thinking it over. “Fate has really never been my thing. I’m super bad at predicting things! It’s just, like, whichever way the wind blows, you know? I don’t like to think about it too much! But I’m thinking maybe it will be fun. Eventually. When I’m not going on dates with weirdo girls who tell me Breath mages are all airheads and implies, I think, that she is going to skullfuck me?”

“Jesus christ.”

“Yeah! It was really bad! ...I kind of want to curse her.”

Dirk set down his metal, just so he could reach back and pinch John. “Do  _ not _ .”

“Ouch! Hey! I won’t!” John swatted at his hand, before folding his arms on Dirk’s shoulder and setting his chin on them. “I was just thinking about it.”

“If you curse her, I swear I’ll strap you down and force you to watch me eat all of your popcorn, slowly.”

“That is cruel and unusual.”

“That’s my specialty.”

“Why did you choose her, though?” John asked. “Like, in all seriousness. She was really kind of horrible.”

“She’s not so bad. She’s going through a rough time right now. I underestimated just how hard it was on her and that’s on me. But, she can be really cool. She’s tough and she takes some work before she’s willing to open up, which seems to be your kind of person. She’s a little abrasive, though.”

“A little?”

“She was better before all the shit hit the fan.”

“What the hell was up with all of that, anyway? I mean, clearly Horuss did something to piss her off, but she never really  _ said _ what it was? She just called him a bunch of really awful things that I don’t really want to repeat, or think about at all! They were kind of gross!” John said.

“It’s complicated.” Dirk checked over his shoulder, making sure that Horuss or Roxy hadn’t come back yet before continuing, “A while back, Damara was going out with this guy, Rufioh. His little brother was one of our customers and Rufioh took him in for his appointments all the time. Horuss had the biggest damn crush on him, to the point where like, one time he got distracted talking to him and accidentally put Tavros’s leg on backwards.”

“So, it is about a guy,” John said.

“Mostly. There was some other stuff going on, too. Horuss’s classism shit, for one. He’s always been kind of a dick to Damara just because she’s working class, and he was kind of shitty to Rufioh about it too, actually. But also, from what I’ve heard through Roxy, Damara’s got a lot going on in her personal life. Like, a  _ lot _ of shit. She’s got a little sister to take care of, their mom’s always on work trips, and I think their friend group is also kind of a wreck right now. But it all came to a head with Rufioh.”

“They fought over him?” he guessed.

Dirk shrugged a shoulder. “Rufioh wasn’t really… faithful. He never seemed that interested in Damara, but I didn’t get the impression he was that interested in Horuss, either. It kind of seemed like he was just… going with it, because other people thought he should. But he had an affair with Horuss. One of Damara’s friends tipped her off and she caught them together and totally lost her shit. Saying they broke up would be putting it kind of lightly. It was more like she broke  _ him _ up. Horuss built him prosthetics for free, probably out of guilt. Pretty much right after, Rufioh started going to a new mechanic and pretty much cut off all contact with both of them. Neither of them are really over it.”

“Deeps. That’s insane.”

Dirk chewed the inside of his cheek, turning the metal over in his hands. “You have no idea. ...He almost died.”

He could feel John’s eyes on him. He expected John to yell at him for setting him up with a girl who had nearly killed his last ex, but it never came.

“I guess I just hoped this would tell me she’d moved on,” he admitted.

“She’s the one who nearly killed him, though,” John pointed out.

“Yeah, I know. But.” He tapped his fingers against the handle of the blowtorch, thinking. “I guess I just see myself in her.”

“Have you ever almost killed a guy?” John asked, snorting.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” John glanced away from him, looking at the other junk sitting out on the workbench. After a pause, he added, “Someone who isn’t yourself.”

Dirk snorted and elbowed John. 

John grabbed his arm to keep him from doing it again, but he was grinning. “You’re so edgy.”

“Fuck you. You had a weeb phase, you’re not one to talk.”

“Hey! At least I don’t practice my dramatic monologues in my room at three am.”

“They’re not dramatic monologues, shut up.”

“Uh huh. What are they, then?”

“None of your business, that’s what. Stop watching me when I’m pacing.”

John laughed, and Dirk rolled his eyes, clicking his blowtorch on again and getting back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got lazy abt editing so this took longer to post than i thought it wld, but i currently have a chapter done that i just need to edit and another one in progress so fingers crossed i post more soon
> 
> also! i drew more concept art for the gods, which you can find here https://daedalusdavinci.tumblr.com/post/614496722931089408/more-loose-concept-art-of-the-gods-from-my


	6. Chapter 6

Dirk knew Jade had arrived the second he heard the screaming. It startled John bad enough that he jumped, grabbing Dirk’s arm and accidentally shocking him in the process, which made  _ Dirk _ jump in turn.

“Sorry!” John blurted, quickly letting go. He scooped up the remote, hitting pause on his movie and scrambling to get up from Dirk’s bed. “What the hell  _ is _ that!”

Dirk quickly grabbed the popcorn out of the way before John could knock it over, saying, “It’s just Jade and Roxy.”

Up until recently, Jade had been busy with some kind of new discovery on her island that had been sapping all of her time. It’d been over a month since Dirk and Roxy had last gotten to see her, but she was taking a break just so she could pop by and visit. Of course, with John hanging around half the time now, Dirk had let him know that Jade would be coming, but he doubted John had been prepared for just how  _ sudden _ Jade coming over always was. Space mages could be like that sometimes, with the teleportation and all.

John was already poking his head out of the door by the time Dirk got to it, floating high enough in the air that it was easy to just duck him. Once Dirk slipped outside past him, John dropped to his feet to follow, though a little more hesitantly.

The source of the screaming was exactly what Dirk had suspected. Roxy and Jade stood in the doorway of Roxy’s room, clinging so tightly to each other Dirk almost worried they might fuse into one person. They talked at each other in excited rapidfire, swaying together.

And, of course, Jade had brought Becquerel too. The giant, white dog wagged its tail wildly by their feet, sniffing at one of Roxy’s cats when it poked its head out of the room to check things out. 

“Dirk!” He didn’t even have time to open his mouth before Jade caught sight of him. She and Roxy flickered static green before the two of them crashed into him, tackling him into their hug.

Dirk had to take a step back to brace himself as he caught them, wrapping his arms around the two of them and squeezing tight. “Whoa, hey. Good to see you too.”

Jade squeezed him so tight he heard his back pop, pressing her face into his neck. Her frizzy brown hair was so massive he had to tilt his head to avoid getting it in his mouth, and her grip was so strong he was pretty sure she could break his back if she wanted to. She was warm and smelled like herbs and flowers, and though he’d never be able to put his finger on which ones, it was so familiar. When she lifted her head to look at him, her smile was blinding, dorky and endearing with her overbite and her giant, round glasses frames. “It’s been so long! You’ve got a lot to fill me in on, buster,” she said, pinching his cheek.

“And I will. Promise.” Dirk squeezed her back, kissing her cheek. “Though I’m sure you’ve got your own stories too.”

She snorted, grinning at him. “Yeah, but none as exciting as a  _ quest _ !”

“Idk, girlie, discovering a  _ whole new species _ is  _ kiiiind _ of a big deal,” Roxy said, squeezing her in tighter and pressing their cheeks together affectionately. “Seriously! You’re gonna end up in like,  _ so _ many textbooks. I’m so proud of you!”

Jade’s face flushed, but her grin only grew. “You guys are too sweet. But heaping compliments on me is not gonna get you out of introducing me to your godfriend!”

John looked so awkward, trying his best to politely ignore them while they reunited. Most likely to try to distract himself from the awkwardness and take attention further away from himself, he’d taken a seat on the floor to pet Jade’s dog. Bec had apparently decided John was the most interesting smelling thing in the room, and had decided to show this by shoving his face in John’s and licking him. Which was probably fair. Dirk doubted Bec had ever smelled a god before. ...Probably. Sometimes he wondered just how much that dog had seen.

“Lmfao. Would godfriend be like, the equivalent of boyfriend or girlfriend or something?” Roxy wondered out loud.

“Um! Maybe?” John piped up from the floor, a little tentatively. “I think most mortals just say boyfriend or whatever. But we don’t really have genders, because that is kind of a human thing, so  _ maybe _ ? That’s more a Light question.”

“Huh.” Roxy sounded thoughtful.

Dirk broke away from the group hug first, gesturing to John on the floor, then to Jade. “John, Jade. I think I already told you, we were friends way back in high school.”

“You must be Breath! Dirk’s told me a lot about you,” Jade said, sticking out her hand with a grin.

“That’s me! But you can just call me John. Breath makes me feel like I should be some big, scary god threatening you or something. It’s kind of weird when all I do around here is embarrass Dirk.” He took her hand, letting her pull him up to his feet before shaking her hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you!”

“That’s all anyone does around here. He makes it p’ easy,” Roxy stage-whispered behind her hand. Dirk swatted her arm and she snickered.

Jade laughed lightly, running her fingers through Bec’s fur as he squeezed past her to finally sniff Dirk out. “You too! This is Bec, by the way. They say dogs are a pretty good judge of character, and he seems to like you a lot! I guess Dirk’s just been complaining about how horrible you are for no reason. Weird.”

“Hey, the fuck I have,” Dirk said, squatting to pet Bec. “She’s making that up.”

She shrugged, grinning.

John laughed. “It’s cool. Dirk just isn’t man enough to take my pranks. Oh man, this one time, I got into his shampoo, and he-”

Dirk swatted his knee. “Okay, no. We’re not recapping this.”

“Don’t worry, you can tell me about it after I knock him out tonight,” Jade joked.

Dirk swatted her knee too. “What is this, National Pick On Dirk Day?”

“ _ Every _ day is National Pick On Dirk Day,” Roxy said, ruffling up his hair.

“Seriously, though. I’m totally excited to finally get to talk to you! Space speaks very highly of you,” Jade said.

“They do?” John asked.

“Yeah! I don’t really practice super seriously, but I try to check in with them pretty regularly anyway. They think this is all super exciting.”

“Huh. They haven’t talked to me about it at all.”

“Well, you know how they are.” Jade shrugged. “It’s hard for them! But they’re rooting for you!”

“One more god on the list. Jeez, I feel like an unwilling Bachelor contestant.”

Roxy snorted. “Yeah, and none of the girls even know they’re on it yet.”

“Dirk’s kiiinda been filling me in on everything that’s been happening, so I’m kind of up to date. I’d still love to hear it from you, though! Dirk is kind of bad at giving me updates,” Jade told John.

“I take offense to that,” Dirk cut in.

“It’s true and you know it. You  _ hate _ admitting you suck at things.”

“Untrue.”

Roxy shook her head, pursing her lips, and Dirk swatted at her leg again. She snorted. 

“I can try,” John answered, shrugging.

“As sick as it is standin’ around here in the hallway, I’m gonna go sit on a real couch,” Roxy said, jabbing a thumb at the living room. “Y’all want choccy milk or anythin?”

“Yes please!”

It was fairly late in the evening, with dinner come and gone and no work left to be done, so they could take all the time they wanted to just talk. With the fireplace lit and crackling away, the four of them sat around the coffee table in the living room, bundled up in blankets and exchanging stories about what they’d been up to

Conversation started out simple enough. Jade wanted to know everything about how Dirk’s quest had been going, and honestly, there wasn’t a whole lot to say there. Over the past couple of weeks, Dirk had sent John out on more and more dates, but every single one had ended in disaster. There were barely any girls John had actually seemed interested in, and even when Dirk tried sending him out with guys, it was still a bust. Despite spending more time with John than ever, he didn’t feel like he was getting a good idea of what John would like in a potential partner at all. Instead, he was just getting more familiar with John’s pranking arsenal, bad eighties movies, and coming up with elaborate lies to tell Horuss about what exactly he and John’s quest was and who John was. Still, John ran her through it, highlighting some of the biggest disasters and really just driving in how bad Dirk was at matchmaking.

After, Jade filled them in on what she’d been working on in the last month. These days, Jade lived out on a remote island with her cousin, studying the unusual floral life there. First and foremost, she was a botanist, but she also sort of worked as a scientific jack-of-all-trades. As far as Dirk knew, if there was a field of science out there, Jade could probably take a good stab at it.

She was crazy smart, and that wasn’t something Dirk said about just anyone. In college she’d hopped from major to major, exploring all sorts of different things before finally settling on physics. It was the only formal degree she had because she’d decided school just wasn’t really her thing after that. However, she’d spent so much time studying other things outside of school and getting hands-on experience that Dirk was pretty sure she knew more about some fields than any teacher could explain to her.

A while ago she’d discovered what she believed to be a whole new subspecies of plant that had an interesting effect on the surrounding fauna. She’d spent the last month running tests and documenting its effects and nature. Botanists all over the world were starting to take interest and Jade was really having to fight to keep it her own project and discovery and keep other people from coming to the island and upsetting the ecosystem there.

Then, on top of all of that, her and her cousin were working on rebuilding one of the rooms of their house after a tree had fallen and caved in a large portion of it. “We’re thinking about just fortifying the rest of the building while we’re at it,” she said, scratching Bec’s head where it rested on her knee. “It’ll be a huge pain, but it’ll be a whole lot worse if another room comes crashing down on us!”

“How is Jake, anyway?” Roxy asked, bumping her shoulder lightly into Jade’s. 

“He’s good! He’s been a big help out there, and he seems to like it. It’s all of the adventure, you know? I keep catching him humming the Indiana Jones theme under his breath.”

Roxy snorted. “Sounds like our Jakey. When’s he gonna come out and visit? It’s seriously been  _ ages _ . Like, I know we joke about never seein’ you, but we  _ really _ never see him.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been asking him, but you know how he is. He goes through his ups and downs.” She shrugged.

Roxy paused, before asking quieter, “Is it that blue girl?”

Jade sighed, deeply. “Yeah.”

John gave Dirk a baffled look. He’d chosen to sit on the floor by the couch Dirk was on, so it was sort of obvious when he tipped his head back to look up at him.

Dirk sighed, leaning into the arm of the couch and propping his elbow on it. “Jake has this thing for blue. Don’t ask me to explain it, because I spent three years skullfucking the hell out of him and I never figured out what was up with it. But, he’s been seeing this girl with a weird affinity for blue for a while. Or, was, I guess. Problem is, she’s kind of a huge piece of shit and was always getting him to do shit he didn’t want to do. Not really surprising it didn’t work out. But when he breaks up with people, he has this tendency to withdraw, hard. It’s… not great.”

Jade bit her lip, fiddling with her hair. “He’s not the best with relationships, and this one was especially bad. I don’t think I’ve seen him withdraw  _ this _ bad since-” She paused, glancing at Dirk. “Um.”

“Since me,” Dirk finished for her.

Jade winced.

John raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know if I want to ask…?”

Roxy leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees with a serious expression that said she was about to get real. She told John in the kind of serious, quiet voice a guy in a movie might use when debriefing the protagonist on the dangerous broody guy’s backstory, “Jake and Dirk went out ages ago, when they were around fifteen. It didn’t last all that long. Couple months. It ended pretty ugly.”

“It was a long time ago,” Dirk said, setting his chin in his hand. “We were young and stupid and had a lot that we still needed to work out. We’ve talked things out since, like adults. He’s still a close friend. But, yeah, that was pretty bad.”

“Didn’t you like,  _ die _ when you were sixteen?” John asked, frowning at him.

“I didn’t die, for starters.”

“You  _ almost _ did,” Roxy interrupted.

“You scared us half to death!” Jade agreed. “We really thought we might lose you, there.”

“Whatever. Almost died. It’s still not death. But, yes. I did do that. The situations were completely unrelated.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jade mused.

Dirk huffed out a sigh. “Deeps, Jade. They weren’t related in the sense that like, our breakup led directly to my-  _ almost _ \- death. I didn’t go and wreck my own shit because I was upset about it or anything. That wasn’t how it worked.”

“What happened, then?” John asked.

Dirk dug two fingers into his temple, wondering how to even put this. He hadn’t been  _ planning _ on talking about it. Usually, he avoided it. The only people in existence who actually knew about everything that had happened were Jade, Roxy, and Jake. He hadn’t told Jake, really, but he was sure that between him and Jade, Jake had heard enough about it to put the pieces together. Jane knew that he’d almost died and now had a curse, but nothing more than that. A few more people knew that he was cursed. Most people didn’t know anything. But, he supposed if he was going to tell anyone else about it, it probably ought to be the guy helping him break the curse.

“I told you I fucked around with my powers and messed up. That wasn’t tied to my relationship with Jake at all, but I got the idea from Jake,  _ before _ we even started dating. You could sit around and say I was more willing to do something risky because I was going through a rough period in my life and attribute some of that to our breakup, but I feel like that’s pinning too much fault on Jake where none is really deserved. I was sixteen. Sixteen year olds are just on some shit, y’know? It’s a weird time in your life. But it also wasn’t like I set out to do that magic thinking it’d be that risky or dangerous. I’d done it a little before, on smaller scales, so I thought I could handle it. It was supposed to be totally safe, but it turned out to be too much.”

“But what did you do?” John pressed.

Roxy looked at Jade, who bit her lip, squeezing their hands together.

Dirk stared at the last bit of hot chocolate in his mug, studying the chocolatey goop that hadn’t totally mixed in at the bottom and wondering if he should even say it. Then he drank the rest of it and set the empty mug down on the table. “I ripped my own soul apart.”

“I found him after he did it,” Roxy said quietly. “I dunno how long he was on his own in there before I came in, but he was just, out cold on the floor in his room. All the electronics were going totally haywire, sparking and rattling and shit, flashing on and off. There was all this like… pink lightning, and just stepping in there felt like personified static. He wasn’t even twitching. It was like he was asleep, but I couldn’t touch him. Every time I tried it burned, like getting shocked. All this lightning kept flickering around him like he’d been pumped full of it or somethin’. I kept hearing like… I dunno what it was. Weird noises. Like unfocused whispers, all echoey and shit. It felt like something out of a horror movie. The air was so hot and thick and it felt all creepy-crawlie, like my hair was standing on end. It felt like someone was trying to like… push  _ into  _ me, be me, or talk to me, or somethin’. I ended up having to use my own magic just to shut it out. I called Jade and she just teleported him out of there, all the lil bits of him and stuff, and Heart put him back together. But stars and pillars, I’d never been so fuckin’ scared.”

Dirk shrugged, and it felt weak in the face of Roxy’s description. He’d heard her tell the story before, and he never felt less bad about making her go through it. “I still don’t have an explanation for everything. I barely remember anything after I ripped it apart, and what I do is pretty incoherent.” 

“What, so like, you did something so insanely powerful it backfired on you and split your soul?” John asked.

“No! And that’s the worst part,” Roxy said.

Dirk just shook his head. “Jake had told me about Hope and how he used his aspect, and I wanted to figure out how to do something like that with Heart. I figured there had to be more to the aspect than just love or whatever. I’d been experimenting with it for ages, just taking little pieces of myself and separating them out. It was kind of cool, actually. I set up this like, insane AI, and I took control of my dreams, and all sorts of shit. But I split off way too much and basically broke my own being.”

“That’s really fucked up, dude,” John told him.

“Yeah, I know.”

“It’s also like, really rare that Heart mages figure that stuff out? They don’t usually focus on the Self aspect so much, and I think that’s because of the way Heart uses her magic. But one of her things is like, she can mold and reflect her Self however she wants. She gave gods the ability to split their Selves and be in billions of places all at once. But that’s  _ really _ hard for mortals to pull off! I can only think of… ooone mage that did it really successfully? He split himself and put part of his Heart in someone else’s body. Both pieces of himself survived, but the person who was now kind of two people ended up going crazy trying to deal with the combatting Hearts and killed them both. It’s some dark, dark magic, and very dangerous. If Heart mages choose to focus on Selves it is usually a lot more like helping people find themselves or sometimes like, controlling people’s selves. Not  _ destroying _ them. That stuff is insane! The side effects are completely unpredictable and even if the person survives, it takes a huge toll on them. You can’t feel it, but your Heart is…  _ really _ fucked up, dude.” John reached over to touch Dirk’s knee, and that familiar, refreshing cold bloomed in his chest. “Heart did a pretty good patch job, but it’s never going to be totally normal again.”

“Mothers of the Deeps,” Roxy said, sliding lower in her seat and bracing her hand against her forehead. She reminded Dirk of a mom who had just been told her kid had done something particularly stupid at school that would have unimaginable consequences. He knew the way he’d used his magic stressed her out, probably even more than he’d freaked himself out. Not for the first time, he felt bad about what he’d put her through, and continued to put her through.

“Heart is such a healing aspect, it’s so weird to think about it in terms of destruction,” Jade mused. “Your soul isn’t like, some outside, easily malleable force like air or space. It’s really easy to destroy with space! I could shrink this whole house until it crushes us, or just like, squeeze the space around a person and just. Pop! There they go. It’s kind of freaky, sometimes, how easy it would be! But Heart is so personal. It is, literally, personhood. What you love, what you like to do, how you feel, everything that makes up the very core of your person is what Heart is all about. A good Heart mage could help someone get their whole life back on track, tell their fortune, help them find someone to love, whatever. A lot of really great Heart mages are therapists because they’re so good at telling what’s up with you! But to  _ control _ the  _ Self _ , to manipulate it or destroy it… In some ways I think that’s even scarier. You could probably tear someone’s whole Self out of their body and just leave them as some… vegetable. You could manipulate their desires, leave them confused and in shambles, tear their Self down until they didn’t know who they were. I think that’s even worse than being crushed.”

John frowned at Dirk’s knee, rubbing his thumb back and forth over it in idle motions. “All of us have certain sides to our aspects that are… colder than others, for lack of a better word. Space has this whole theory thing about it, but I never really paid that much attention to it. You should ask them about it sometime, though, because they would explain this way better than I’m about to right now.

“But basically, our aspects are not one dimensional, right? Wind is probably the most obvious part of my aspect, because like.” He waved a hand, vaguely, and a light breeze blew through the room. “Duh. It’s very physical! It’s obvious. Freedom and change are more subtle. But they are still there! I still manipulate them. But because of my style of magic, wind is still much more obvious. With Space, Space can mean a whole bunch of different things. It could be like, the universe, distance, matter, whatever.” He nodded to Jade. “For you, it seems to be a lot more about physical reality. Like, moving from one space in the world to another, or how much space something takes up. For Space, like, the god, Space (the aspect) is more about cosmic power. Universality. The world is this big, huge stage that they have carefully designed and set up for us all. It’s way more abstract, instead of physical and material. All of the different sides of Space come into play, but the way how we practice magic puts different emphasis on different parts, both obvious and abstract.

“We also manipulate our aspects in different ways or use it to accomplish different things. The way Space wields their aspect is very passive. They are more about just sort of sitting back and letting things play out, giving little nudges here and there. They influence us, but rarely ever try to grab the wheel or anything. On the other side of things, Hope very actively controls his aspect. He weaponizes it, in a way. When he uses his magic, he  _ uses _ it, you know? Heart herself is more on the passive side of things, but I think Dirk is on the opposite end, which might be part of why they use their magic so differently.

“With all of these different combinations of aspects, what part you emphasize, how you wield it, and whatever, it ends up making all of these very different kinds of magic users who all have very different ways of casting. Certain combinations are definitely a lot scarier than others. I’ve seen mages of Light that pushed people towards their deaths, mages of Breath that stole all the air from someone’s lungs until they suffocated, mages of Blood that drove people mad, and mages of Life that created things that never, ever should have existed. But I have also seen mages of Void that poof up cat toys, mages of Mind that help turn the tides of war, and mages of Doom that bring people back from the brink of death. Any aspect can be terrible and cold. But, any aspect can also be really great. It all depends on who you are and how you use it.”

“All these things, and Dirk has to go and rip himself up like a bill after tax day,” Roxy said.

Dirk kicked her foot. “I get it. I’m a terrible caster.”

“Not necessarily! Ripping up your own soul wasn’t inherently like, a  _ bad _ thing? Exactly? I mean, it was a dumb as fuck thing.”

“Gee, thanks.”

John swatted his thigh. “It was and you know it. But it also wasn’t like you were trying to manipulate and hurt other people.”

“That is kind of true. I mean, except for himself. I didn’t mean to imply  _ Dirk _ was some kind of dark caster or anything! I was just thinking through it out loud,” Jade said, sheepishly. “That’s really interesting, though, thinking about all of the different ways an aspect could go. I might have to pick Space’s brain about it later.”

“It doesn’t matter how good of a caster I am anymore, anyway. The only time I ever use my magic now is when Heart makes me, and even then I try to get out of it when I can.”

John frowned at him. “But that’s not true, though.”

Roxy gave him a weird look. “What do you mean? I’ve  _ never _ seen him do any kinda magic since all the shit went down. He totally swore that shit off!”

“But he still uses it! I’ve felt it,” John insisted.

“Dude, what? Okay, the redirecting lightning thing did  _ not _ count. That was an accident,” Dirk said, holding up a finger.

“No, you still have control over the Self. You mess with that part of your aspect all the time!”

“What the fuck? No, I don’t.”

“Yes you do! Remember how you were telling me about how Heart felt like pink lightning and stuff to you?”

“That’s just like, godly auras. I always feel those when you guys start poking at me and stuff.”

“That’s her  _ Self _ . Look.” John hopped up, plopping down next to Dirk on the couch instead. He crossed his legs and gestured, trying to make him understand. “As gods, in our  _ true _ forms, we are literally just our Selves. We feel one another’s Selves all the time because that’s like, all we are! But mortals don’t usually feel that because your Selves are so wrapped up in all that flesh and stuff. You don’t feel  _ our _ Selves most of the time either because when we see you we are such small pieces of our true Selves. It isn’t as, like, potent, I guess. If it is a bigger piece then, yeah, sometimes you guys pick up on auras. You also sometimes feel it if we are being super invasive, like reading  _ your _ Selves. But it’s not usually that vivid or strong! Heart mages tend to pick up on us way easier because of your natural connection to the Self.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Dirk looked over at Roxy and Jade. “You guys feel your gods auras, right?”

Roxy shook her head. “I already told you, Void just doesn’t feel like much of anything.”

“Yeah, but that’s  _ Void _ ,” Dirk said.

“Void is harder to feel because he’s naturally better at concealing it,” John agreed. “But there is stuff there.”

“I feel Space sometimes,” Jade piped up. “They just feel… insanely vast. It’s really intense! I don’t think I could handle feeling them all the time.”

“Dirk would probably be able to pick their Self apart even more. Like, it wouldn’t just be  _ big _ . There would be more to it! Like, the coldness of Space, or the feeling of being far away, or the heat of stars, or something like that. I don’t really know what he feels, honestly. His perception is still so much more limited than mine so I don’t know what parts he would pick up on,” John explained.

“Okay, maybe. But that’s not using magic. That’s just natural affinity. I can’t turn that off.”

“That part is. But you go further with it than that. You  _ call _ me here.”

“I  _ what _ ?”

“You know how you do that thing when you want me to be here where you focus really hard on me until I show up?” John asked.

Dirk stared at him, as slowly, the pieces all came together. “You’re telling me this whole time I’ve been literally pulling your Self here.”

“Well, kind of. You are not really strong enough to do that. It’s more like yelling my name from across a room. I thought you knew that was what you were doing!”

“Holy shit,” Roxy said, leaning back and running her fingers through her hair. She sounded almost impressed, or maybe just tired. “You really do have him whipped.”

“Hey!”

Before John could keep protesting, Dirk said, “I thought that was how everyone summoned Blood, though.”

“Blood is the god of  _ bonds _ . When you think about him you’re pulling on your relationship to him and that calls him,” John explained, like that should be obvious.

“Oh my gods.” He almost felt like slapping himself in the forehead. It seemed so obvious, in retrospect.

“You have a natural sense of Self and you are really good at working with it! If you let yourself, you could probably feel anyone’s Self and even manipulate them.”

“I am not doing that.”

“You kind of already are.”

“Maybe it’s not a  _ bad _ idea to embrace different aspects of your… well, aspect,” Jade said, slowly. “It’s been years. Maybe it’s time to start experimenting a little with magic again. I mean, don’t start wrecking people’s Selves or anything, obviously, but.”

“Are you kidding me? No way,” Dirk said, staring at her in disbelief. 

Jade held up her hands in surrender. “I just think you’ve spent a really long time avoiding something that you  _ used _ to be really excited about! You resent so much of your magic and no matter what you do about it, it’s part of who you are. Wouldn’t it be nice to let go of some of that?”

Roxy said nothing, her mouth pressed into a thin line as she picked at the cuff of her jeans.

John set a hand on Dirk’s knee, opening his mouth like he was going to say something.

“I would love to! Did you ever end up getting any biscuits?” The unmistakably loud voice of Horuss’s new girlfriend sounded just down the hall, and John’s mouth snapped shut again. Dirk was sure that if he listened hard enough, he’d be able to hear Horuss’s deeper voice along with hers.

“We’re done talking about this,” Dirk said quietly.

Jade looked like she wanted to protest, but instead, she nodded.

John sighed heavily, sinking back into the couch, and, in turn, Dirk’s side. Rather than let his arm stay trapped between them and fall asleep, Dirk pulled it free to drape it over John’s shoulders instead. He’d gotten so used to this kind of thing, with John constantly in his space, he never thought twice about it anymore.

Of course, it did mean that no matter what they did or said, Horuss’s girlfriend was totally convinced they were dating. Only seconds after John had settled in against his side, Meulin was freezing in the doorway, clapping her hands to her cheeks and squealing, “Em oh gee! We didn’t know you guys already had a double date going on in here! That is sooo cute!”

“Oh, no, no,” Jade protested quickly, sitting up more and waving her hands. 

Roxy snorted, hooking an arm around Jade’s shoulders. “Yep! That’s totes what we’re doing. You got us! A real double date. With sibs. Because that’s a thing that wouldn’t be  _ totally _ weird.”

“They’re being fictitious,” Horuss said, rolling his eyes over at Meulin. “Jade is an old college friend.”

Meulin’s hands moved, seemingly without even thinking about it, and Dirk caught the flash of a “J” and “E” in sign language as she nodded. “Ohh! I see. Still! I don’t want to inpurrude!”

“You’re fine,” Roxy said, waving a hand. “We’re just chattin’. If you want cookies, there should be some left up on the top shelf in the cupboard I’ve been hidin’ from DiStri.”

“Bro.” Dirk put a hand over his heart.

Roxy shrugged. “Sorry, Di. Y’know it’s gotta be done.”

“You are kind of a sugar hog,” John agreed.

“Wow. Attacked from all sides. I see how it is.” Dirk poked John in the side, making him jerk away before he bounced back into Dirk’s side.

“Well, thank you for sharing your purrecious stores with me. We’ll get out of your way.” Meulin winked, going through to the kitchen to grab cookies.

Horuss just sighed, following behind her.

“It’s getting kind of late,” Jade said, after checking her watch. 

“It’s not  _ that _ late.” Dirk dug his phone out of his pocket, checking himself. Approaching two in the morning. Later than he thought, but nothing he couldn’t handle.

“Maybe for  _ you _ . But it’s bedtime, Mr Insomniac.”

Dirk sighed, dropping his head back against the couch. “Please don’t tell me you’re gonna make me drink your brew.”

“You know it, buddy.”

“Brew?” John asked, giving them a weird look.

“My special insomniac brew! Knocks him out just like that,” Jade said, snapping her fingers. “I still have to teach Roxy how to make it. We used to use it to keep him from sleeping through all his classes back in college; forced him to keep his sleep schedule on track.”

“What, so you just drug him to sleep?” John frowned at her.

“I mean, pretty much.” Jade shrugged.

“Oh. Psh, I could make him fall asleep  _ now _ , no drugs needed!”

“Don’t do that,” Dirk protested.

“That  _ would _ be way easier,” Jade reasoned.

“No.”

“Roxy?” Jade asked, looking to her.

She shrugged, flashing a grin. “Take him out, sunspark.”

“I hate you all so much.”

“Night, Dirk!” John stretched up, pressing a kiss to Dirk’s forehead. A dark coolness flooded Dirk’s senses, and just like that, he blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it might be a bit before the next chapters out. i have already started working on it but like. yall kno how it b rn.
> 
> in the meantime tho check it two ppl made fanart for me!!! ; ; i look at these all the time n cry yall r too nice to me  
> https://abrigosazules.tumblr.com/post/614943779624042496/little-fanart-for-daedalusdavinci-s-wonderful  
> https://perpetuallymoody.tumblr.com/post/614568343377215488/yall-should-read-daedalusdavinci-s-fic-here-its


	7. Chapter 7

At this point, Dirk liked to think he was fairly used to John’s fidgeting and squirming. Most of the time, he either just didn’t care, or their ADHD compounded so it ultimately neutralized, and they got distracted messing with each other’s hands or something.

However, there was, just on occasion, moments where John’s fidgeting started to drive him nuts.

“Dude, you’re gonna crush my thighs. God of the wind or not, you sure as fuck aren’t light as it. You wanna sit in this chair, you’re gonna have to sit still, as impossible of a thing as that is to ask of you.”

There were other places to sit. Hell, Roxy had an entire couch all to herself, stretched out on it like she owned the thing. But John had decided the only place that would do was the very same chair Dirk was already sitting in, plopping down right in his lap. Which was fine enough, Dirk guessed. He’d gotten used to John’s total lack of regard for his personal space, and while this might have been a bit of a step up from the usual, he didn’t really have a problem with it. Except, John just couldn’t fucking stop wiggling around.

“You don’t sit still either! You are literally always fidgeting. Don’t think I don’t feel you messing with my shirt all the time.” In a display of blatant disobedience, John moved to kick his legs up over the arm of the chair, twisting around in Dirk’s lap.

Okay, he hadn’t realized John had noticed that, and hadn’t even realized he’d been doing that, but he pushed past the embarrassment. “Do I really have to explain to you how those are different?”

Roxy interrupted, snickering, “Ladies, ladies, please. You’re both fidgety fucks and your wiggliness bounces off of each other like an echo chamber of dumb. But John, I’m gonna have to ask you to stop grindin’ on my bro’s dick in front of me and figure out a dif’ way to get that energy out.”

“What!”

“Oh my god.”

Roxy cackled, dropping her face into the cat she was holding to muffle it.

John looked like he was going to try and protest, but Dirk put his hand on John’s face, shaking his head. “Don’t engage her. Just, don’t.”

John dragged his hands down his face with a groan, pushing Dirk’s hand away in the process.

“You  _ still _ owe me an answer on the gender thing,” Roxy reminded him between snickers, looping the conversation back around to what they’d been talking about  _ before _ John had wiggled for the last time.

“Uh, what about it again?” 

“You said you didn’t have genders! Then you said that was an oversimplification.”

“Oh yeah.” John almost started squirming around again, but caught himself at the last second and forced himself to be still, though it looked kind of like it was killing him inside. He fidgeted with his hands instead, popping his knuckles. “Well, I mean, it kind of varies from person to person. But, basically, gender as you guys know it is a very human concept. I mean, you try explaining to eldritch demonspawn that they are supposed to subscribe to human traditions of gender, and they are like, fuck that, I’m fucking demonspawn and I can do whatever I want. Blood was literally born of pain and stardust. What kind of gender does stardust have! It just isn’t really the same for them. They existed  _ before _ gender.”

“Like in a gender _ void _ ?” Roxy asked, winking.

John snorted. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“So, what about gods who came after?” Dirk took one of John’s hands to keep him from picking at his skin, letting him trace the lines of his palm and line their fingers up. Even though John was smaller than him, he had big hands and pianist’s fingers, long enough that they almost matched Dirk’s. “Legend has it you were human once.”

“Yeah.” John hummed, setting his head against Dirk’s shoulder while he watched their hands. “It’s weird to think about. I guess I identify as a boy, because that is what I was. But also, it feels like it just doesn’t really encompass everything. You know? Like, you can say that space is big, and space is big! But the word big fails completely to grasp just how expansive it is. I could pick a direction and just keep going forever and ever and space would just keep going. There is so much out there even I don’t know about. There could be other gods, other species, other realities. I don’t know. It’s bigger than big. That is kind of what gender feels like. I am a boy because that is easier for people to comprehend. But my identity is so fluid and vast and weird, I don’t think it really all fits? I can be  _ anything _ . It’s hard to be so much and represent so much and fit in a box that is so small. Human definitions of gender and the roles that they slap on them are so limited and unimaginative, and I don’t think most people really realize that. I didn’t. I never, ever questioned it. But then I was the wind, and my friends were strange and cosmic and ever-changing, and I started to think, huh, maybe this is more complex than that.”

Roxy looked thoughtful, scratching her cat's head. “We have started to come up with a lot more words for different kinds of genders and stuff and sort of break out of that binary, though. Like, people who feel like their gender is sort of funky and changing and don’t necessarily subscribe to just boy or girl or any one gender at all are called genderfluid. People who don’t identify with any gender at all are agender. Then there’s like, less distinct terms than even that. Like you can just identify as genderqueer, or something, and not really specify what’s up, just that it’s different.”

“Huh. I mean, there have always been other genders and stuff, but in the “Western world” or whatever I never really saw them. So that’s kind of cool, that people are starting to think more outside the box in terms of gender.”

“Yeah! I’ve been looking into it a lot more recently and it’s pretty sick. Like, just the idea of being like, whatever, you know? Like, if I felt like it, I wouldn’t have to be a girl! I wouldn’t even have to just be a boy, either.”

Dirk raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you think- I mean, do you, want to be something else?” He wasn’t sure if he could even ask that, or should ask that. Roxy had never mentioned anything about it before. If she’d been questioning this, it’d been something she’d been figuring out all on her own. Which… felt kind of strange. Usually they talked about everything together.

Roxy shrugged a shoulder, looking down at her cat. “I don’t know. I’m… figuring it out, I think. I don’t really identify with most of the terms people are using. Like, I don’t feel like a demigirl, and I don’t feel agender, or bigender, or genderfluid, or any of those.”

“Maybe you don’t  _ have _ to identify with any of them?” John suggested, thoughtfully. “Like, you can just… not know.  _ I _ don’t know. Space always says they are just them, and that is who they are. They are just their own thing, and that is how it is.”

“I like the labels, though. It makes me feel like… like I’m not the only one, you know? Like, I like being like, yeah, I’m pan! Y’know? There’s pride in it, having this like, secure identity label I can hold onto. I dunno if that makes sense.”

“It’s a sense of Self,” Dirk said, nodding. “For some people, having the words for it makes them feel more secure in it. It’s that like, euphoria of knowing who you are.”

“Yeah! That. I like that. I think I like terms that are kind of vaguer, though. Like genderqueer, or gendervoid. Gendervoid is cool.” She grinned.

Dirk rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth was turning up despite himself. “Of course. Gotta have the puns.”

She winked. “Y’know me.”

“I guess it’s kind of cool that people are starting to come up with more labels for all different kinds of identities. I never had that back when I was human. You were just a boy or a girl, and you either liked one or the other, and that was just how it was. You could change one and not the other, but not too often. It wasn’t really a big deal for me, I think? But it probably sucked a lot for other people. I don’t know, it was a really long time ago.” John shrugged.

“How old are you, anyway?” Roxy asked.

“I don’t really know! It goes by so quickly sometimes; it is really easy to lose track. Um. Time says around six thousand?”

“Oh, jeez. That’s really, really old.”

John laughed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah! Early years. Really early years. We didn’t have disciples back then or anything. It was a whole different world, and it has been  _ so _ weird to watch it all change. I can’t imagine what it is like for Space or Time or Light. They are  _ so _ old.” 

“So, you’re a cradle robber, is what I’m hearing,” Dirk said.

John elbowed him. “Find me a nice girl who is 6,000 years old and then I won’t have to be!”

Awkwardly, Horuss cleared his throat from the doorway. Meulin stood next to him, bouncing excitedly on her feet like she was seconds from exploding.

“Oh, shit,” Roxy said, verbalizing what they were all thinking.

Meulin let out an ear-splitting squeal, grabbing Horuss by the shoulder and shaking him.

“Oh no,” John groaned, sinking lower against Dirk and covering his face.

“How much of that did you hear?” Roxy asked, sitting up and dragging her cat with her, into her lap. Like Dirk, she had the family fidgety genes, and it only got worse when she was nervous. With the way she kept trying to readjust and get comfortable, and kept her eyes on her cat rather than anyone else, Dirk wondered just how long she’d been sitting on this whole gender thing. Maybe it had just taken someone else who didn’t identify so strongly with normative genders to come out and say that for her to feel like she could. He was thankful John and Roxy got along so well, and that they could talk to each other about this kind of thing. But he worried that if Meulin and Horuss had caught all of that before she was ready for it, Roxy might go back on something important to her.

“Enough to hear that you’re a  _ god _ !” Meulin looked like Candlelights had come early. Dirk had honestly grown so desensitized to the presence of gods, it felt strange remembering that some people viewed them like celebrities. There were stars in her eyes when she looked at John, like she’d just met her hero. “Horuss told me you two were on some kind of quest togefur, but he didn’t tell me about  _ that _ !”

“I didn’t know about that.” Horuss looked even more uncomfortable than usual, wiping his forehead with a towel and looking anywhere but at John. With how horrified he seemed, Dirk guessed he must have been mentally reviewing all of the times he was rude to John. “You two didn’t tell me we were sharing companeigh with the divine.”

“John’s just helping me out with a quest from my patron. It’s not that big of a deal. He won’t be here all that long,” Dirk said, shifting and sitting up more. With Meulin’s full attention locked onto the two of them, he was suddenly acutely aware of how they probably looked right now, regardless of how touchy John was. Yeah, John would probably do the same to Roxy anytime, but Meulin didn’t know that.

Then he wondered if it mattered.

“He’s already been here for over a month,” Horuss reminded.

“Yeah, well, the quest is a little bit more difficult than we anticipated.”

“Than  _ you _ anticipated,” John cut in, finally dropping his hands. For someone who was usually so cocky and confident with all of his godly powers, he seemed weirdly uncomfortable with all of the attention suddenly on him.

“Who is your patron?” Meulin asked excitedly. “What’s your quest?”

“Heart. She wants me to-”

Meulin gasped loudly, slapping her hands to her cheeks. “Heart?! We have the same patron! MOG I can’t believe you nefur told me!”

Internally, Dirk groaned.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roxy send him a sympathetic look.

“That’s sooo cool! I’ve  _ nefur _ gotten a quest furom her before! What is it? Maybe I can help.” Meulin clasped her hands together, giving him a big, hopeful grin.

Meulin, he already knew, was one of those mages who were just genuinely passionate about their aspect and actually liked their patrons- clichés and all. Just like Horuss, she bought 100% into everything her patron was selling and looked up to her as a guide. She was also probably the kind of mage who thought that just because two people shared a patron, they would also be great friends.

The last thing Dirk wanted was to share a quest with a mage like Meulin. He wasn’t a huge fan of accepting help on his personal projects in general, and John was most he was willing to make an exception for. From what he knew about Meulin, she was loud, excitable, and totally the hopeless romantic kind of Heart mage. She’d probably just be more obnoxious than helpful.  _ Plus _ , she’d probably take it as an invitation to become friends with Dirk, and he didn’t want that either. She seemed nice and all, but he remembered the way Horuss had followed Roxy around everywhere when he first found out they were both mages of Void. He didn’t need her getting under his feet like that.

“I dunno, dude. It’s some pretty hard shit. We’ve been working at it for ages, and I mean, it’s not like I don’t already have godly help here,” Dirk said. He wasn’t particularly good at letting people down gently, but he did  _ try _ . It’d be a huge pain if she were all broken up about getting turned down, especially because he might feel guilty about it or something.

“Oh.” Meulin still looked crestfallen. But she tried for a laugh, rubbing her arm awkwardly. “Right. Of course. Can’t really compete with a god! I just thought, maybe, two Hearts are better than one?” 

But Dirk wasn’t going to budge. “While I ap-”

“I think it’s a great idea,” John cut in.

Dirk stared at him.

John shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes. “We’re not getting anywhere. Maybe a fresh perspective would be good.”

“It’s  _ my _ quest-” Dirk started, but John cut him off again.

“I think we should give her a shot. I mean, you’ve said it yourself like a million times. What’s the worst that can happen? If she can’t even do it, then that’s just more proof that this is a totally impossible task and Heart’s being unreasonable. We might as well let her try.”

“Okay, and what if she  _ does  _ succeed, and Heart credits her with the victory and denies me my payment as a result?” Dirk poked him in the side, maybe a little harder than necessary. 

John jumped, hopping up from the seat and away from the offending finger. “Hey! Then we strike a new deal because the old one was rendered null due to unforeseen meddling! Come on, Dirk.” He grabbed his hand, finally looking at him. His eyes were grey and unusually serious, but he still found it in him to smile. “I have a good feeling about this,” he said, squeezing his hand.

Dirk wished he were a stronger man. But when John smiled at him like that, eyes sparkling in that way that just seemed to draw him in closer, right up until he got joybuzzed- Well.

Internally, he cursed himself. Externally, he just sighed.

John’s grin widened. He whirled to face Meulin, sticking out a hand to shake. “We’d love to work with you.”

A grin split Meulin’s face. She grabbed John’s hand in both of hers, shaking it vigorously. “Yes! Thank you! I purromise you won’t regret this.”

“No, but you might!” he replied cheerfully. “Dirk has to play matchmaker for me and find me someone to go out with for Heart. Problem is, I don’t fall in love, ever! It’s a completely doomed quest.”

Meulin blinked at him. She looked at Dirk, as if to double-check.

Dirk shrugged. “Heart’s got it out for me.”

“You  _ nefur _ fall in love?” Meulin asked.

“Never ever,” John confirmed.

“Heart asked you to play matchmaker fur an aromantic god…?” Meulin seemed confused, but Dirk nodded.

“Aromantic?” John asked, glancing over at Dirk.

It was Roxy who answered, though, slapping her palm to her forehead. “Oh! Omg. Why didn’t I even think of that? Aromantic people don’t feel romantic attraction! Duh, you’re aromantic. Jeez. I mean, it’s more nuanced than just like, “they never fall in love” or whatever. But it’s like, okay.” Roxy sat forward, freeing up her cat to gesture with her hands. It jumped off of her lap, darting off and out of sight. “So, there are multiple levels of attraction, right? Sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual, etc. Sexual attraction is like, looking at someone and being like, damn, that’s some fine ass and I’d like to tap it.”

“I hardly think that’s appropriate,” Horuss said, patting his pockets for his towel.

Roxy ignored him. “ _ Romantic _ attraction is like, looking at someone and thinking, yeah, I’d like to date that person. There are different levels of experiencing romantic attraction, like, alloromantics just deadass experience it or whatever, and demiromantics  _ only _ feel romantic attraction for people they already have a connection with, like friends.  _ Aromantics _ feel no romantic attraction. They can still like dating, or have a relationship, or they can not like dating, or whatever, and it’s not like they don’t feel love, because there’s totally loads of different ways to love and TBH allos do kind of simplify it with the whole romantic love biz, but compulsory alloromanticism is like, a whole other convo. But yeah! Aromantic god checks out.

“Though, it sounds like Heart’s counting on you being  _ greyromantic _ , which is like, you only experience romantic attraction a few times in your life or something. Every once in a blue moon, y’know? Lowkey, kinda presumptuous and the comp allo is a little much, but! That’s just my onion.” Roxy shrugged.

John looked like he was still trying to take that all in, and frankly, seemed a little overwhelmed. Honestly, even Dirk was kind of impressed with how she’d rattled all that off. “You guys have  _ words _ for that now?” John asked.

“Yeah! That whole thing also kinda applies to asexuality, except like, replace romantic with sexuality and you got it.” She waved a hand. “It’s dope as hell, though.  _ I’m _ pretty allo, but our Jadey’s hella aromantic! We got to chatting about it a lot when she was still sortin’ everythin’ out.”

“I’m probably demiromantic or something,” Dirk added, propping his cheek on his fist. “Allosexual, though. Doesn’t always work across the board. Like, just because you’re aromantic, doesn’t mean you’re also asexual, and vice versa.”

“...Huh.” John scratched at his jaw, but he still had that kind of overwhelmed look. Dirk figured he’d need some time to really process it, and doing it in front of Meulin and Horuss probably wasn’t the way to go.

Dirk reached out to pat his hip. “Don’t worry about it too much. Point is, you’re one aspectrum dude.”

“Aspectrum is that spectrum of sexuality,” Roxy clarified.

John nodded. “Got it.”

“So, how are you supposed to matchmake fur him?” Meulin asked.

Dirk shrugged. “The same way you matchmake for anyone else, I guess. I mean, it doesn’t work, and it’s not going to work, but the idea is to try the best we can to prove to Heart that it’s fucking impossible. I don’t really like it, but it’s the best option we got right now.”

Meulin looked hesitant. “That seems kind of…”

“Yeah, it’s not great. But the idea is to at least find him people he gets along with so he can get some friends out of it, y’know?”

She nodded. “Okay! I guess I’ll try my best. Tell me about who you’ve set him up with so far, and you-” she pointed at John- “tell me what you like and don’t like about those cats and kittens.”

“Er, I’ll just… go and get some work done then, I suppose,” Horuss said, awkwardly. He tapped Meulin’s shoulder, signing it quickly for her, since she hadn’t been looking at him when he said it.

She nodded, flashing him a big grin and signing something back. Dirk caught the sign for “I love you” and nothing else. He  _ really _ needed to just learn sign already, especially if he was going to start working with Meulin on this quest.

Horuss headed back downstairs, and Meulin sat down on one of the couches, where she could see them all clearly. Rather than sit on Dirk again and potentially obstruct her view of Dirk, John flopped down next to Roxy, bumping his shoulder into hers playfully. She bumped him right back, grinning.

“Okay, well.” Meulin spread her hands. “Tell me everything.”

With some direction from Meulin, Dirk and John did their best to recap all of the dates John had been on, with Roxy chiming in every now and again to remind them of details they’d missed. Meulin sat and listened- or, uh, watched- carefully, and when they were done, she asked questions- a  _ lot _ of questions.

Dirk had to admit, he was kind of impressed with Meulin. She didn’t need any guidance from gods. She already knew where to start, what to ask, and what conclusions to draw, and by the time she’d finished interrogating them, she already had a list of people she wanted to set John up with,  _ and _ ideas about why the previous dates had all gone badly. She asked questions Dirk had never thought to ask and drew conclusions that seemed so obvious in retrospect, though he’d never even thought of them before. She was actually  _ good _ at this.

It kind of stung, knowing she was so much better at this than him. After all, matchmaking seemed so stupid, it should’ve just been easy. It came easily to Meulin. But no doubt, while he’d spent all his time either trying to work around traditional Heart magic or refusing to do magic at all, Meulin had been hard at work learning all of the traditional forms of Heart. She was good because she  _ tried _ .

Still, it was hard not to feel just a little bit bitter when she came into the scene of his project and just immediately flipped the tables on him, telling him everything he was doing wrong and what he should be doing instead. She didn’t say outright that he was bad at it- she was too nice for that. But she didn’t have to.

John did it for her. While Meulin scribbled notes down on her little, kitty-themed notepad, John snorted and said, “Wow, dude, you are  _ really _ bad at matchmaking.”

Trust John to be a dick about things.

Dirk scoffed. “Man, whatever. It’s barely even magic. It’s just meddling.”

“You’re just mad because you suck at it.”

“I don’t  _ suck _ at it, you’re just literally impossible to set up on a date. That’s like, the whole point.” Dirk gestured, vague and frustrated.

“I mean, yeah, but you still suck at it.” 

Roxy spoke up, “You are kind of bad at it. But that’s just because you  _ want _ to be bad at it. You don’t want to learn how to do it. And I mean, I can’t  _ really _ blame you, given that you’ve kind of been forced to?”

“Forced to what?” Meulin asked, looking up.

“Dirk doesn’t like matchmaking,” Roxy summed up.

“What? Matchmaking is great! Your magic literally gives you the chance to get to know people, at their core, and find another purrson who compliments them. You get to find people’s missing halves! It’s a clawesome gift,” she said. 

“Relationships aren’t even Heart’s thing. She’s also not actually  _ good _ at them, I mean, obviously. It’s a totally bullshit practice,” Dirk said, folding his arms.

“But mages of Heart have always done matchmaking! If you don’t matchmake, what do you even do?” Meulin asked.

“Nothing. I don’t practice magic.”

“What!”

Dirk shrugged. 

“How can you just not purractice magic? You were given a gift! Magic is so amazing, and cool. It’s like something straight out of a story! And you get to wield it! You have a catastic patron, clawesome abilities, unlimited potential to make people  _ happy _ , and you just don’t use it?” She looked shocked.

“I’m not really that big on Heart magic. It’s just not my thing.”

“What? Why not?”

He shrugged again. “Just isn’t.”

She sat back, crossing her arms and pouting. “I don’t understand why Heart would give you a quest when you don’t even purractice.”

“Like I said, she’s got it out for me. She’s not doing it out of the good of her heart.”

“Maybe she wants to teach you a lesson, so mewl appreciate your magic more.”

“Maybe.”

Meulin frowned at him. It was clear to Dirk that she idolized Heart. From the traditional practice to the over-the-top cat-enthusiasm, she was a perfect disciple. She probably would have  _ loved _ getting a quest. It couldn’t have been easy for her, knowing that Dirk had gotten exactly what she’d been working towards and he didn’t even want it.

But, for better or for worse, she didn’t try to push it again. Instead she seemed to give up on him, looking back down at her notepad and scribbling more. Her frown didn’t disappear.

When he glanced over at John and Roxy, they gave him almost identical raised eyebrows. He wasn’t sure what it meant, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to ask.

Roxy already knew how he felt about his magic. She knew pretty much everything about him.

John, though, Dirk wasn’t sure on. How would a god feel, knowing that sometimes their disciples wanted nothing to do with them? Maybe John would brush it off as a result of everything that had happened between Dirk and Heart, but Dirk just didn’t know. They’d had a few conversations about Dirk’s magic, but Dirk always held back, reluctant to think too much about what potential his magic held. He was sure John could tell him a lot about the abilities of Heart mages, and maybe even tell him something so interesting that he’d be tempted to practice again. That was the last thing he wanted.

Although, sometimes he felt tempted anyway. When John was close, he sometimes wondered if he could reach out and feel his aura- if he could press even deeper and feel even more of John. He knew that an aura was just one part of the Self. How much could John’s tell him about him? How deeply could he know John if he tried?

But John had said Dirk only really used his magic for control and destruction, and he was right. It was better for everyone that he just left his magic alone. The power was a temptation, but one he’d have to resist, if he wanted to avoid hurting the people he cared about. All he had to do was think of how terrified Roxy had been when he split his soul, and his resolve strengthened.

Despite whatever anyone thought of him, or how much easier things seemed for Meulin, he knew that could never be the path for him. He’d have to continue to stay away from magic-  _ especially _ traditional Heart magic. Otherwise, what was the point of doing all of this at all? She judged him, but she couldn’t possibly understand. It was for the best that he just continued to push on.

Soon, Meulin would send John out on dates, and maybe she’d find him someone he’d actually like. Then Heart would have what she wanted, and Dirk would be free of magic forever, just like he wanted.  _ All _ magic.

Including John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to take an unplanned break from writing, but im back!! chapter eight should be up VERY soon, and im already working on chapter nine. not to count my own chickens or anything, but im really hoping ill get this done by the end of summer! make sure to follow me on tumblr @daedalusdavinci for updates and doodles!


	8. Chapter 8

Dirk blinked hard, lifting his head a little and staring at his phone. He’d started to nod off again and his phone had gone dark in his hand. When he turned his phone back on, his text to Meulin still sat in the text box, unfinished. He must’ve fallen asleep with his thumb on the “d” key, because he’d added on a bunch of unnecessary letters accidentally. But at least he hadn’t sent it.

John must’ve felt him moving around, because he spared a moment to look away from his precious TV screen and squint at Dirk with concern.

The part of Dirk’s brain that was still half-asleep was really tempted to just curl back up and pass out on him again. John was so close, and comfortable, it would’ve been so easy to lean into it and just trust John to keep him safe.

But it was a stupid idea, so Dirk just waved him off, pulling away and sitting up to look at his phone properly. Meulin was sending John out on her first blind date today. Dirk couldn’t afford to spend all day in bed, and even if he wanted to, John  _ had _ to go on that date. He had to get it together and wake up. He backspaced the text and rubbed at his face tiredly, trying to think of a real reply for Meulin. 

John’s fingers brushed against the small of his back, almost absently, twisting up in his shirt. He didn’t say anything, but Dirk could tell he was thinking about it, weighing interrupting his movie with a conversation against his curiosity about what had Dirk suddenly pulling away. 

Dirk typed out a reply and hit send, before grabbing the licorice, figuring that chewing something might help wake him up. “Meulin’s texting me about your date tonight,” he explained, glancing over at John.

“Oh.” John didn’t sound particularly excited, looking back over at the TV.

“How are you feeling about it?” Dirk prompted, nudging John with his knee. He knew John hated it when he talked during movies, but, sometimes, if it was one they’d already seen or wasn’t one of his absolute favorites, he’d let it slide.

John sighed, pulling his hand out of Dirk’s shirt to grab a piece of licorice. “I don’t know, same as usual? I just think it’s dumb that I have to go on all of these dates in the first place. Roxy says it’s “Heart’s Hashtag Top Ten Aphobic Moments.”” He made air quotes around the words. 

Dirk snorted, quietly. “Sounds like a good way to get cursed. You decide you’re aspec, then?”

“I dunno! I guess so.” John gave a heavy shrug. “Like, it sounds pretty right. It sounds kind of cool, too. Aro ace. Like a really good archer or something. Even though I’m not actually that good with a bow.”

“I’m sensing a but, here.”

“There isn’t one! I mean, it’s right. That’s… basically just it.” He tossed up his hands, but he sounded almost defeated. “I don’t feel attraction. I’m not attracted to anybody, ever. I still think people are pretty and there are people I love a lot, but I just don’t get the attraction thing. At all. It just feels weird having words for it, and knowing that it’s  _ not _ just me, and some people are just… like this. And it kind of sucks?”

“It sucks?”

“I mean! That part doesn’t suck, exactly, it’s just like- I don’t know. I’ve spent my  _ entire _ life feeling  _ so _ confused. I spent so much time second-guessing myself, thinking that I had to have a crush on this person, or this person, or whatever, but realizing I didn’t actually and I just thought I  _ should _ , because other people told me I should. My dad expected me to grow up, find a nice girl, get a job, and have a bunch of kids. And instead I went running off to become a god and spent millennia fucking up and hurting other people because I couldn’t figure out how to love anyone.

“After a while I just figured there was something  _ wrong _ with me, you know? Like, I was broken or something, and I was just incapable of it. And I never wanted to be! I never wanted this. It felt awful, all the time, knowing everyone else expected me to be capable of something that I could not do! And now it just feels like Heart is putting it on blast. Like, look at this guy, he’s so broken, he can’t even do his  _ job _ and  _ free _ this guy like he’s supposed to. Or like she thinks I’m faking it, or something? And she can just corner me into it, and I’m just being so stubborn and ridiculous that I’m willing to let her rip you apart as collateral? It just feels awful! It sucks.” By the time John finished, he’d pretty much torn his entire piece of licorice apart.

Dirk wasn’t even sure what to say at first. He wondered how much of an asshole he was to not even realize that John was sitting on all of this. Had he really felt this guilty about everything? This whole time, John had seemed so brazen about the fact that he didn’t experience attraction that it hadn’t ever occurred to Dirk that maybe it  _ wasn’t _ that simple or easy for him.

Worst of all, he knew he couldn’t have been innocent in all of this. How much harder had he made it on John by continuing to make him go out on dates, expecting that, eventually, he’d find  _ someone _ he liked? Guilt clawed at his stomach, knowing that even now, there was a part of him that didn’t want to believe John really was aromantic,  _ or _ asexual. He wanted to believe there was some chance that John could fall in love with someone. He’d tried not to think about it too hard, but from the start, he’d always hoped, hadn’t he? He didn’t believe Heart would give him up so easily. He needed John to do this.

But that wasn’t fair to John. Clearly, Dirk had some hang-ups he had to work through. Rather than waiting around for John to change, and insisting that he had to,  _ Dirk _ needed to start changing himself.

John’s hands were probably sticky from the licorice, but Dirk still reached over and took one, squeezing it tight. “I’m sorry.” The words didn’t feel like enough, but he struggled to find more.

John laughed, maybe from nerves, finally sitting up. “Don’t be. I’m the one who is going to get you killed just because I can’t get my shit straight. And you know what’s really fucked up? I don’t even know if I’m right! I could be wrong. Maybe I have gotten crushes before. At this point, I have spent so much time thinking and overthinking it that I just have no idea anymore. I don’t think I even know what love is at all! And I  _ want _ to fall in love! How sad is that? I want to, and I don’t even know how to. Sometimes I go to sleep wanting it so bad it hurts, and I don’t even know if I want to love someone, or to be loved, or to just be normal.”

“Dude.” Dirk felt kind of taken aback. What did he even say to that? He’d talked to Jade about being aromantic plenty of times before, but she’d never seemed unhappy with it. She seemed comfortable with her sexuality and how she expressed it. And, personally, he’d always been comfortable with his sexuality too. It’d never been something he resented, or wished he felt differently on. This was totally new, and he almost felt like maybe Roxy would be more equipped to handle this conversation than he was. They were always better with gender and sexuality stuff, whereas he’d never gotten too involved in it himself and tended to not even think about his own much. Maybe they’d have a better idea about what to say. But John hadn’t opened up to Roxy about it, he’d opened up to  _ Dirk _ , and Dirk would just have to do the best he could.

He tried to think of something to say-  _ anything _ to reassure him- staring down at their hands and rubbing his thumb back and forth against the back of John’s. “You’re not going to get me killed. We’re going to figure this out. And, no matter what happens, my fate isn’t  _ your _ fault. I did this to myself.

“You’re not broken, but I dunno if you even need me to tell you that. This  _ is _ normal, and it’s normal to feel confused, or upset. And, I dunno, even though I’m technically aspec, this isn’t really my area of expertise, but like… maybe it’s like what you were telling Roxy the other day. Sometimes you don’t have to have it all figured out, and you can just go with whatever feels right or makes you feel most comfortable in the moment. You can change your mind later. That’s okay. But right now, in  _ this _ moment, even if you  _ have _ had crushes in the past that you were really confused about, if being aromantic or asexual is something that you feel and connect with, it’s okay to identify with it. You can say you’re aroace. And, if, later, by some miracle you sort it all out and realize you did have some crushes, you can switch up and claim greyromantic or demisexual or something. It’s okay.” He squeezed his hand again, tight.

John just hummed, leaning into his side and dropping his head on his shoulder. It didn’t seem like anything Dirk was saying was really making him feel better.

Dirk wasn’t sure what he  _ could _ say to make him feel better. He sighed, leaning his head against John’s. “I don’t know, man. Maybe you won’t ever fall in love. Maybe that’s just… something you’re never gonna get. And I’m sorry.”

Dirk paused, and then said, “...You know, if you don’t want to do this, that’s okay. I don’t know, maybe Heart has good intentions with this, somewhere deep down. Maybe she mistook love you had for friends for romantic love and got confused about what you can feel. Maybe she knows that you want to find love, somehow, and thinks that this’ll somehow do the trick. I don’t know. But, if this is something you don’t want to do that’s just making you uncomfortable, you can back out. I don’t want to force you to go on a bunch of dates that you don’t think you’ll get anything out of. Or,  _ anymore _ dates. Look- I’ll be alright. I’ll figure something out.” He wasn’t sure that he  _ would _ be alright, but he wouldn’t feel right just continuing to blindly pressure John into doing something he obviously had very complicated feelings around. Because, really, would that be any better than what he was doing before?

“No, it’s okay.” John sighed. “I’m not going to ditch you now. And, let’s face it, you’re probably fucked without me.”

“Man, don’t get all self-sacrificial on me.”

“I’m not! Listen,” he insisted, lifting his head and moving to sit so he could see Dirk better. “I don’t mind going on these dates. I mean, they’re kind of awkward and weird, but they’re not that bad. I can deal with them. It’s fine. It’s my  _ job _ to help free people, and that includes you.” He took his hands, squeezing them seriously. “I’m going to push through this. And, Light thinks Meulin is going to help us. We are  _ going _ to figure this out.”

“Light thinks she’ll help? Is that why you let her join?” Dirk asked.

“I mean, yeah. Light said that if we wanted to free you, we’d have to let Meulin help. She’d set us on the right path or something.” John rolled his eyes a little, shrugging.

“Hm.” He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. But he decided right now wasn’t the time to get insecure and bitter about his matchmaking abilities.

Dirk shook his head, as if to clear the thoughts. “Look, even if they’re “not that bad,” or whatever, I don’t want you to feel like you  _ have _ to do this. It was a fucked up position for her to put you in, and even more fucked up for me to just go along with it.”

“Dirk, it’s  _ okay _ .” John squeezed his hands. “I don’t mind. I…” He faltered. There was a moment where he said nothing, staring down at their hands. There was obviously more he wanted to say, or do, and he was struggling to find the courage. But after several beats had passed, he just took a breath in and leaned back into Dirk. The way he pressed into Dirk’s side, setting his head on his shoulder and looping his arm through Dirk’s, holding his hand in both of his own, it felt like maybe he needed the support. But the words still never came, and John just stared down at their hands, rubbing his thumbs over the countless scars that marred Dirk’s knuckles.

“You don’t have to. I’ll be okay,” Dirk promised, softly. 

John hesitated. When he spoke, his voice was no more than a whisper. “I kind of  _ want _ to.” He squeezed Dirk’s hand, tight. “I  _ want _ to believe that one of these dates will work out. I don’t know if that’s wrong. Maybe I should just try and accept that it’s never going to be me. Even if I  _ do _ eventually like someone, who’s to say they are going to like me? What if they don’t like what I am, or how I identify? What if the god thing is too much for them? I mean, it is kind of ridiculous. The chances are so low. But I still  _ want _ it. And I’m terrified it’s never going to happen, and I will never even know it’s not going to happen because I can’t see into the future. So I will just keep hoping, forever, like a moron, until the sun goes out and we are all forgotten.”

It felt like his heart was twisting into knots. He wanted, so badly, to reassure John somehow. He wanted to be able to fix it and make it all better. But what could he say? What could he do? Love wasn’t a machine you could whack with a wrench and get going again. The idea was so depressing because John wasn’t actually wrong. If he basically never fell in love, there was no guarantee that when he finally did, it’d work out. Dirk got crushes on guys all the time and it never fucking worked out. It seemed unlikely that John would get so lucky.

But it wasn’t  _ fair _ . John deserved someone who loved him. Even if he was kind of a bastard, and he did put hair dye in Dirk’s shampoo once, and made Dirk fall on a regular basis, and humiliated him in front of that hot guy at the bar that one time, and threatened to tell Time that Dirk thought his blindfold looked dumb as shit, and, well, a lot of things- over the last month or two, Dirk had come to count him as a friend; a good friend. Despite his penchant for tricks, he was goofy, sweet, surprisingly smart, and unfairly endearing. He was easy to talk to and easy to banter with, and sometimes it was hard to believe that he was some immortal god that had only recently entered Dirk’s life and would soon leave it again. But even despite that, Dirk found that he genuinely wanted to do what he could in the time that he knew John to make him happy.

Dirk freed up his hand from John’s grip before wrapping his arm around him instead, squeezing him into his side. “I can’t promise you it’ll happen. I wish I could. But, if you want to keep going with this, I’ll do my best to make it happen.”

John sighed heavily. After a moment, he started to tip back, putting his weight into it so Dirk tipped with him, and they fell back on the bed again. He folded his hands over his stomach, resettling his head on Dirk’s shoulder. “We’re just going to have to keep going forward like normal.” He paused a beat, and then elbowed Dirk in the stomach, making him flinch. “Don’t you  _ ever _ tell Heart I said all of that, though.”

“I take offense to that. I never tell Heart anything.” Dirk pulled his arm out from under John, rolling over onto his side to face him and propping himself up on an elbow. Sure, John lost his pillow, but it was easier to see him this way.

John just snorted, reaching over to take Dirk’s other hand and yanking him in closer. “You’re an awful disciple.”

Unfortunately, his elbow didn’t do much to help him balance. John pulled him right over, and Dirk had to quickly catch himself to keep from toppling into him completely. He caught himself on his forearms, one braced on either side of John’s head, with his knee between John’s. But John was still so fucking close. Dirk found himself struck dumb, his reply dying on his tongue. 

Yet, John seemed to completely escape the awkwardness, remaining just as fucking stunning as ever. His eyes were a dark, rainy grey, but as Dirk watched, they were starting to lighten again, crinkling at the corners as a grin spread across his face. His smile seemed to melt something in Dirk’s heart, and Dirk felt unsteady, like he could just fall right into him. He felt caught under his gaze, and stupidly, he hoped that John would never let him go. It was so unfair, that a god could choose a form so beautiful.

He must’ve looked pretty dumb, staring at John like an idiot so long, because John laughed at him. He looped an arm around Dirk’s waist and lifted his other hand to run it through Dirk’s barely-tamed curls, brushing them back from his face. “I think you’re getting a little too good at distracting me from my movies,” he joked.

“Good,” Dirk replied, automatically. His face felt warm, but he still leaned into John’s touch, unable to resist. “They’re fucking awful, and we’ve  _ seen _ this one already, multiple times.”

“Whatever, dude. You just have bad taste.”

“Must have, if I’m willingly putting up with you this much.”

John laughed. The way he grinned up at Dirk was so bright and real, Dirk didn’t feel quite so steady anymore, holding himself up over him. Part of him  _ wanted _ to let go- to just sink into John and close all that distance. It’d be so easy. He was so close. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, and how it’d feel. He wondered if gods got chapped lips.

Dirk let his elbows slide out, leaning down and pressing their foreheads together. He’d have to just let it go. This was enough, anyway.

John played with the hair at the back of his head idly, falling into a rhythm with it. Despite Dirk’s usual aversion to people messing with his hair, he did, honestly, kind of have a weak spot for it, if he trusted the person enough. He had to fight to keep from going totally boneless, letting his eyes slip shut. It was so stupid relaxing that after a minute, John asked, “Are you going to fall asleep on me again?”

“Ugh. No.” Dirk forced himself to open his eyes again, shifting a little and dropping his head on John’s shoulder instead. “You have that stupid date you have to go on.”

“Bluh,” John said, voicing Dirk’s sentiments aloud.

“Yeah. You gonna be ready for it?”

“I guess so.” John sighed, giving him a squeeze. “Do you know what she’s setting up?”

Dirk reached for his phone, switching it on to check for any new messages from Meulin. “Sounds like you’re going to the arcade and your date’s gonna kick your ass at video games.”

“Sweet. I don’t think they’re going to be very impressed with my skills.”

“You’ll learn some new ones. It sounds like you’ve got a few hours to get ready, so I’d probably stop watching movies after this one.”

“You mean I have time to watch at least one more movie but you don’t want to watch any more.”

“Yes.”

John snorted. He slid his hand down Dirk’s back, wrapping both arms around his waist to give him another squeeze. “Sucks to suck! You’re stuck with me, and my movies.”

Dirk groaned into his shoulder, and John just laughed at him, reaching over to grab the remote and turn up the volume. “Dude, c’mon. Do we have to?” Dirk complained.

“Shh. Just watch.”

Dirk sighed, heavily, switching his phone back on and mentally preparing himself for  _ another _ awful movie. But he’d still watch it, because what  _ wouldn’t _ he do, for John?

Several hours later, well after Dirk had finally kicked John’s ass into gear and sent him off on his date, Dirk was just left waiting for him to come back and tell him how it went. Despite Meulin clearly having more skill with this than him, he still didn't really expect it to go well. John was nearly impossible to set up and this was only her first try. There was no way it'd be a huge success. But hopefully, at the very least, they'd learn something from this date that they could expand on and improve with on the next one. 

Dirk had no intention of spending the whole time pacing back and forth and wringing his hands, though. One major flaw of questing was that it did tend to get in the way of his work, so he had to take advantage of moments when things were slow to complete some stuff in the shop and make up for it. It was a good distraction, too. Time flew when he was hammering a knee joint back into place.

Besides, pacing like a crazy person was Meulin's job. Meulin was so nervous to find out if her first date had gone well, she was pacing a hole in the floor, signing absentmindedly to herself far too quickly for Dirk to catch any of it. On some level, he understood her worry. She'd been trusted with an important quest by a god, for her patron, who she worshipped with blind devotion. No doubt, to her, succeeding with this quest would mean a chance to finally prove herself to Heart. And you never knew with divine matters. She might even go down in history.

It  _ was _ kind of a huge deal, even if Dirk struggled to treat it like one. Over the years he’d just kind of become desensitized to Heart and the way his life seemed to hinge on her whims, and he supposed that now extended to the idiot sneaking whoopee cushions under his ass all the time. Yes, his life and the lives of others depended on whether or not he managed to do this, and yes, it would probably be a pretty big deal if the god who’d never fallen in love before suddenly actually fell in love, but whatever. It was just more bullshit stacked on top of his already bullshit-filled life.

Meulin, though, wasn’t nearly as jaded. Honestly, Dirk was pretty sure she’d put more work and energy into this than he had as a whole already. Though Dirk wasn’t sure  _ what _ was riding on this for her, she seemed to have a lot of it. The time when John and his date were supposed to return came and then passed, and Meulin only seemed to get more and more nervous, pacing and stimming, signing the same thing over and over again like the motions helped soothe her.

_ Finally _ , the bell over the door dinged as John came through. Meulin, obviously, didn’t hear it, so Dirk set his screwdriver down long enough to make the sign for  _ Breath _ , and gestured towards the door.

Immediately, Meulin’s face lit up, and she spun around, running to tackle John in a hug. “You’re back! How did it go? Did you have fun? Was she cute?”

John was surprised, but he took it in stride, catching her and laughing. He gave her a spin before setting her down again, stepping back so he could sign and talk. (He’d taken to signing to Meulin, most of the time, and he only really spoke for Dirk’s benefit.) “Yeah, I’m back! Jeez, you’re like a worried mom. It went fine! Latula pretty much kicked my ass at everything, but I had fun.”

She bounced on her heels excitedly, flicking her hand in quick fingerspelling, signing “MOG” over and over again, the way she did when she was excited. “MOG! That’s  _ so _ cute! Did you get her number? Did you like her? What did you do?”

“Slow down!” John laughed, putting his hands up. “We pretty much just played a bunch of arcade games the whole night, and then she showed me a couple of her skateboard tricks. She tried to teach me, but I kept “cheating” or whatever. She was fun! I liked her a lot, so we swapped numbers and we’re going to stay in touch.”

Meulin squealed, doing a kind of happy dance she did when she got  _ really _ excited, that mostly seemed to involve a lot of stomping and hand-flapping. “Yes!!! That’s so clawesome!”

_ That _ was actually kind of surprising. That was when Dirk really started to listen, leaving his project alone and turning to watch them both properly. He leaned against his desk, wiping his hands off on a rag. “You actually gonna go on a second date, then?”

If he were, that would be a first. Honestly, it seemed like this was the best  _ any _ of John’s dates had ever gone. He’d never known John to be so enthusiastic about a date, and he’d definitely never swapped numbers with someone with a real intention of staying in touch with them. That was  _ new _ , and so strange that Dirk could hardly believe it. Meulin had  _ actually _ set John up with someone he really ended up liking. It sounded like, at the very least, John had made a friend.

He’d  _ known _ Meulin was better at this than him, but this was what really showed him just how  _ much _ better. Meulin  _ actually _ might be able to do this. She could really be the key to solving their problem. In what should have been a predictable turn of events, Light actually seemed to be right. If this was Meulin’s first try, there was a very real chance that she would be able to either prove, once and for all, that John was incapable of love, or maybe, finally, find someone that John could love. Dirk would be free, and John could finally move on with his life.

So why did he have such a strong sense of dread?

John shook his head, and for some reason, Dirk felt relieved. “I don’t think so. I mean, she’s cool! She’s a really nice person, but I don’t think I really want to  _ date _ her; just be friends with her. Plus, I kind of think she might have her eye on someone else.”

Meulin looked a little disappointed, but only for a second before she was back to beaming. “That’s okay! This is still great prowlgress! (That one might have been a bit of a stretch. Oh well.) You made a furiend, and that’s great! That’s the best we can hope for. Now I just have to find you even  _ more _ furiends! And, with this experience, I can probably do an even better job of figuring out where to go next!”

“So, what did you like about her?” Dirk asked.

John shrugged. “I don’t know. She was a lot of fun to be around. We never ran out of dumb shit to do! And she was  _ always _ down to do dumb shit. She was cool, and kind of stubborn and weird, and there was something about her where I just like, really want to get to know her better? I feel like there is a lot more to her than she lets on, like there is a bunch of stuff she is hiding about herself because she wants to seem cooler. She was super dorky, though, and she is really into all of this weird niche stuff and knows a whole lot about old video games? Did you know she  _ works _ there with Roxy? I thought it was kind of weird we were just hanging out at her workplace, but she said she liked it.”

“Yeah, she and Roxy are tight, I think. I’ve hung out with her a few times, but I don’t think I’d say I really know her.” Dirk shrugged.

“Latula’s an old furiend of mine! We used to hang out a lot when we were kits. She’s always been  _ super _ into gaming,” Meulin said, beaming.

“Yeah, I could tell! It was kind of impressive,” said John.

“I  _ think _ I’ve got some ideas about where to go with this next. But, just to be  _ sure _ …” Meulin held up her hand, letting it hover over John’s chest. John nodded, and she pressed her hand over his heart.

This wasn’t the first time Meulin had done this. She said she was reaching into John’s Heart and feeling out what he liked and didn’t like, and tapping into his sense of love. Supposedly, it was something most matchmakers got really good at, but Dirk had never even tried it before. He’d been better with the selfhood part of Heart, back when he’d practiced.

It felt like a strange concept, anyway. A person’s Heart was, well, personal. It didn’t feel right rooting around in someone else’s. It seemed invasive, and he couldn’t explain it, but he always felt weird watching her do it.

At the same time, part of him wondered what she saw. Despite the many misgivings he had around Heart magic, he’d always had this underlying thirst for new knowledge; particularly when it had to do with John. Part of him wanted to see what it was that John loved so much and understand all of the things that made him tick. He wanted to see John laid out plain for him and know his aura like the back of his own hand. He wanted to know him better than any other human could.

There was an old myth about particularly powerful Heart mages who’d managed to know people so deeply, they learned their Names. It was rare, but legends told of mages learning the Names of people they were close to, who trusted them. To learn a Name was to learn everything about someone; to know them inside and out. To give someone your Name was the ultimate form of trust, putting your very Self in someone’s hands. With that kind of knowledge, a Name could be used to control someone’s every move, or to bring them back from the brink of death.

Sometimes Dirk wondered if anyone had ever learned the Name of a god before.

“Okay! All set.” Meulin pulled her hand away, grinning. “All in all, I’d call this a purretty purrductive day! Now I just need to get brainstorming. And, I should probably get home anyway. You cats were out purretty late!” 

“Sounds good! We will see you later then,” John said. “Thanks for the date.”

“It’s my pleasure. I’ll text you about the plan soon, Dirk!”

“I look forward to it. Later, Meulin.” 

She waved, before heading out of the shop, back home to her own place.

John sighed, finally deflating a little now that she was gone. He lifted off his feet and flew over to check out what Dirk was up to, having already used up his walking quota for the day, no doubt. “Have you just been working the whole time?”

“That’s what I usually do when you’re not sticking your nose up my ass, yeah.” Dirk turned back to it, tossing the rag down and picking up the joint he’d been working on.

“You like it,” he replied, leaning his elbow on Dirk’s shoulder as he watched him work.

Dirk rolled his eyes and elbowed him in the side. “Did you really have fun?”

“Ouch, hey.” John swatted at him, before moving a little more behind him instead, where it was harder for Dirk to elbow him and he could lean on him more. “Yeah, I actually did. Meulin’s  _ really _ good at this stuff. I’m kind of impressed.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “She works really hard. And she actually seems to know how to use her magic. I dunno why it didn’t even occur to me that you could  _ use _ Heart magic to help matchmake. I mean, I couldn’t- I’d fuck it all up- but y’know.”

“You wouldn’t fuck it  _ all _ up. Just most of it,” John teased.

“Shut up. If I ever start using magic again, it’ll be just for the sake of torturing you.” He reached back to pinch him.

John grabbed his hand, yanking it hard enough that Dirk spun to face him, screwdriver still clutched in his other hand. He must’ve looked surprised, because John laughed at him, pulling the screwdriver out of his hand and tossing it back on the desk behind him. “Seriously, though. I don’t think you are really as bad as you think you are. You’re not a monster. You are just a boring, stick-in-the-mud mortal.”

“I take offense to that. If anything, I have a stick up my ass.” He took John’s other hand, for lack of a better idea of what to do with himself. Since, apparently, John was just going to keep getting in the way of his work.

“Fair point,” John conceded. “But really. It wouldn’t be the  _ worst _ thing in the world if you used a little. Just a little bit.”

It was tempting.  _ Especially _ with John this close. It’d be so easy to just reach out and feel him. John’s aura had been burned into his mind since he’d met him; it’d be easy to call on. If he focused, he could feel the lightning that lurked just under his skin, pink and searing in his veins, just waiting to be directed. Looking into John’s eyes, he wanted to, so badly.

So he did. Just a little.

John yanked his hand back, yelping. “Hey!”

Dirk snorted.

“When I said use your magic, I didn’t mean  _ shock _ me, you little shit,” John said, and grabbed Dirk, hauling him in against his chest and tickling his sides.

Dirk, to his own personal horror, let out an extremely undignified shriek, kicking and squirming to try and escape. “Fuck, wait, no! John!  _ John! _ ” 

Unfortunately, it was one regular mortal against a totally shredded god of the wind, and it wasn’t much of a contest. No matter how much Dirk tried to grab for his hands or slap at his arms, John held him in fast, cackling.

Dirk  _ wished _ he could’ve kept from laughing. It would’ve been a lot less embarrassing that way. But unfortunately, giggles and snickers bubbled up in his chest without his permission, spilling over as he tried to claw John’s hands off. “John,  _ fuck _ , fuck you, fuck you so hard. I swear on the fucking Deeps, when I get out of this- You are the  _ worst _ god, zero out of ten, I’m contacting your manager and I am leaving the  _ worst _ Yelp review, it will be  _ scathing _ \- Roxy! Roxy, help!” By the end, it was hard to even get the words out, he was laughing so hard, wheezing in breaths and grabbing at John’s arms.

Bless his loyal fucking sibling. Roxy’s door swung open in seconds, and he could hear them yell, “Dirk! What’s wrong?” 

John, the asshole, was laughing so hard he couldn’t even speak. But he didn’t let up, even so, and if Dirk hadn’t been busy dying, he might’ve been impressed with John’s ability to hang onto him  _ and _ keep tickling him. He was probably cheating with wind magic. Typical.

Dirk pushed John’s face away, because if he couldn’t pry him off, he could at least be a nuisance. “John’s gone rogue! He’s a fucking traitor!”

Roxy must’ve booked it down the stairs because they slid into the room only seconds later, skidding on the tile in their socks. They didn’t even fucking stop to look at what was going on, they just charged, tackling the both of them.

It must’ve caught John off-guard, because he let up on Dirk completely. He held Dirk in one arm, and caught Roxy in the other, only just managing to keep them all from tumbling to the floor. Despite how hard he was laughing, he managed to wheeze out the words, “Roxy, no- He’s-  _ Ticklish _ -”

It clicked, and Roxy cracked up, giving Dirk a shove. “You big baby!”

Now that John wasn’t tickling him anymore, Dirk just tried to take deep breaths, pushing his shades up and wiping his eyes. “Fuck. I can’t believe you were ready to just fucking, take on John with your bare hands. Roxy, holy shit.”

“Yeah well! I care. Deeply. I can’t believe  _ you _ started screaming just because of a little tickling,” they said, reaching over to wiggle their fingers against his side.

He slapped their hand away quickly, and Roxy cackled. “He’s fucking merciless, okay,” Dirk defended.

John was  _ still _ laughing, clearly unrepentant. He hefted them both up higher in his arms, somehow managing to keep a good hold on the both of them. Dirk couldn’t even tell if it was because he was using the wind to cheat, or if he was just that fucking shredded. He got the feeling it could’ve gone either way. John stuck his face into Dirk’s chest to muffle his laughter, but it didn’t even really work.

Despite his better judgement, Dirk still forgave him, sighing and ruffling up his hair. “ _ Worst _ god.”

“You love him.” Roxy grinned, wrapping an arm around John’s shoulders. “How’d the date go?’

“Good, somehow. I guess Latula’s into raging-  _ assholes _ , fuck, John!” John blew a fucking raspberry into his chest and he started hard, shoving John’s head back and away from him. John cracked up all over again, and Dirk revoked his forgiveness. “ _ Worst _ , absolute,  _ worst _ god. You’re a fucking nightmare, John. Ugh.” He fought off a shudder, rubbing his shirt. “One day,  _ you’re _ going to come to  _ me _ with a quest, and  _ you’re _ going to need help with something, and I’m going to tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“Aw, you won’t help me even a little?” John asked, trying to pout, and failing  _ miserably _ .

“Fuck no I won’t. I hope it’s a fucking life-threatening emergency, just so I can tell you how far you can fuck the hell off with it.”

Roxy cackled, shoving their face into John’s shoulder just to try and muffle it a little.

“Not even for a little kiss?” John joked.

“You can kiss my ass, is what,” Dirk replied.

John laughed, and finally set the two of them down. “You may rebuff me now, but one day, Dirk, one day you won’t be able to resist my charms.”

“Sure, dude, sure.” He turned back to his work, searching for his screwdriver. “One day I’m gonna make you start helping me out with all this shit, to make up for how little you’re letting me get done.”

“It’s not his fault he’s terribly sexy and distracting,” Roxy joked, giving John’s bicep a squeeze.

John flexed for them dramatically, hamming it up just to make them laugh. “You can try to! I don’t really know anything about machines, though, so you would have to teach me.”

“I thought gods knew everything,” Dirk deadpanned.

“Just the fun things.”

Roxy snorted. “Aight, c’mon. Dirk needs to work, and I’ve got a round of Sonic with your name on it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alright. I’ll see you later for lessons!” John winked, before Roxy dragged him off, into the back and upstairs.

“Later.” Dirk rolled his eyes, starting to get back to work at last.

He was  _ pretty sure _ John had been joking. Like… 60% sure. But it was also  _ John _ , so…

Ugh. He was never going to get anything done with John around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smthn came up with my betas and im trying to find a new one, so this is unbeta'd and super late :') srry abt that
> 
> not sure when ill get that all worked out but i do have ch9 finished and ready for editing so fingers crossed it all comes together
> 
> but also reminder to check out my tumblr for more content!!! now that im getting into the final laps of this i have a lot of leftover writing snippets i plan on posting on there and!! ive got art! i just recently posted a pic of dirk and john so weve got official-ish headcanons for both of them https://daedalusdavinci.tumblr.com/post/623922780232122368/finally-finally-drew-both-dirk-and-john-from-a


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw just for some passing mentions of alcohol in the first part of this chapter (dirk doesnt drink at all but it does take place in a bar so)

There was something soothing about the low thrum of music in a bar, stringing through swaying bodies under dim lights. While Dirk never felt totally comfortable walking  _ into _ a bar, once he had faded into the crowd of faces, something in him settled, and it became just a little bit easier to let go.

There were less consequences in a bar. When he said something stupid, people brushed it off. When he stepped offbeat, the laughter was light and easy. When he nudged one guy into the next, the relationship would never last more than a night, and Heart wouldn't do much more damage than they'd cause for themselves. There was more leniency, more room for error. And Dirk felt full of errors, lately, so it seemed like the place for him.

He couldn't quite remember the last time he'd gone out to do something fun on his own. Usually, it felt like John was always right on his heels, daring him to do stupid shit and tugging chairs out from under him right before he sat. And that was fun, yeah, but he had to have some time to himself, right? John wouldn't be around forever. He couldn't come to count on his constant company. 

Besides, John had another date tonight. Since that first date with Latula, Meulin had been on a roll, setting John up with person after person, getting a little more on the nose every time. She said that she was sure she was getting close, and Dirk kind of believed it. He didn’t want to, but the evidence was undeniable. John had actually even gone on a few second dates, which was something Dirk had never thought possible before.

But, with Meulin taking care of most of the blind dates, Dirk didn't have to spend so much time stressing about it. She did the planning and asked all the important questions now, so he could afford to let himself go out and forget about it for a little while. He was too much of a workaholic to really appreciate it, but he supposed he ought to at least try.

It was late enough that many- maybe even most- of the people in the bar were drunk, dancing carelessly, staring openly and longingly, or tracing depressing circles in condensation on tables. There were some girls sitting at a table and pushing around an appetizer plate, glancing at the floor like they wanted to dance, most likely together, but didn't have the courage. On the floor, two people danced close, in that space between friends and dating, awkwardly avoiding closing the distance. Part of him couldn’t help but think that if he just stepped the right way, or bumped the right person, he could change it. But he didn’t do that anymore. He didn’t  _ have _ to do that anymore. He was just here to have fun.

Dirk had personally sworn off drinking years and years ago but sipping something virgin gave him something to do while he surveyed the scene. This bar had always been one of his favorites. The music was good- not too pop, but with a heavy bass that he could keep a beat to. And, he never had to stop and worry that a guy was actually straight. (Or, almost never.) Given his particular brand of fun, he’d call that a pretty important detail.

There were a few groups of friends talking together, a few people drinking, some eating- but it was always more of a gamble, approaching guys in groups. A girl seemed to be eyeing him, leaning over to talk to her friend, but he wasn't interested in that, either. 

Some guy stood on his own, poking the ice cubes in his drink with his straw. Like Dirk, he was scanning the crowd, looking at the dance floor like he'd love to be on it, but didn't quite have the courage. He had kind of a nineties gay vibe, with the open button-down and undershirt combo, and the backwards hat. He had brown skin, and thick, curly, dark hair. He looked like he was somewhere between a bear and a hunk, and kind of on the shorter side, too. Not quite as short as John, and more toned than heavyset, but he was cute. Very cute. And, maybe, just maybe, looking for a dance.

Dirk took another drink from his glass before slipping off the barstool and heading over. The guy arched an eyebrow at him, giving him a once-over, but he didn't seem like he was displeased with what he saw. So far, so good. Dirk nudged him lightly, nodding towards the girl that had been eyeing him earlier. "Hey, save me. I think that girl is gonna ask me out if I don't start looking gayer."

The guy’s face split into a grin. He nudged him back, playfully. "I got you, dude. You got a name?"

"Dirk. You?"

"Jai. Just a heads up, I'm definitely gonna forget that.”

"Hey, same. It's cool. You here with friends?" Dirk asked.

Jai shrugged. "Wingmanning for a girl friend, but I'd say that job's good and completed." He tipped his glass towards a couple in one of the darker booths, suckered onto each other. 

"You think she'd miss you if I grabbed you for a dance?"

"Y'know, I think she'd be alright." He grinned, setting his empty glass on the nearest table. 

Dirk managed to hide a smile, downing the rest of his drink and setting it next to Jai’s. "Sick."

He’d managed to pin Jai perfectly. Jai was more than eager, slipping his hand into Dirk’s and leading the way out onto the dance floor. He guessed Jai must’ve been wishing he’d gotten as lucky as his friend, and then here was his opportunity, knocking right on his door.

The music was loud, and they were in the perfect spot to be, close enough to the speakers that he could feel it in his chest. He fell into step with Jai easily, starting with some distance between them, but very quickly gravitating in closer. They seemed to be on the same page, with the way Jai looked at him, hands moving from Dirk’s hands, to his chest, to his shoulders, looping around and moving in closer. Dirk’s fingers hooked into his belt loops, hips leading on the beat as they moved together. Other couples around them hesitated, but Jai seemed to be anything but shy, letting his hand slide along Dirk’s arm, feeling up all the muscle he’d built up from working the forge. Up this close, he could see Jai's subtle eyeliner and the faint sparkle of glitter across his cheekbones. It wasn’t usually his thing, but Jai made it work.

"Do you always wear sunglasses inside?" Jai asked, grinning up at him. His eyes seemed to sparkle when he grinned, but somehow, he just didn’t feel the same pull he did when it was John.

Dirk used the same line he’d used a hundred times before, reciting it off easily: “Only when the boys are particularly stunning.”

Jai laughed, but it didn't make his heart skip a beat like John’s did.

He wondered if John was as good of a dancer as Jai. Probably not. He was probably awful, and that kind of just made Dirk want to dance with him more. John would probably step on his toes on purpose and laugh too hard to be serious about it at all, but somehow Dirk knew he’d love every minute of it.

Jai was already so close, it took almost nothing to close the distance. His smile was soft and playful, and the kiss just as much so. And gods, he knew how to kiss. It was perfect, in that way where the buildup was slow and smooth, perfectly set to the rhythm of their bodies. It’d been too long since Dirk had kissed someone like this. Any other day, he would’ve found a dark booth where they could continue, wasted some time with him, and then, maybe, found out if he were interested in a different kind of dancing.

But all he could think about was John.

He was saved by Jai's friend running up, her hair a mess and her face covered in lipstick. She grabbed Jai’s arm and pulled him away, interrupting them with only a half-hearted, shouted apology. She said something that seemed urgent into his ear, and his whole demeanor changed, his eyes widening.

When she pulled back, Jai grabbed Dirk’s arm, giving him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Good luck with the girl!” Then he was gone- dragged off by his friend through the sea of bodies.

For a moment, Dirk just stood there, staring after them in stunned surprise. He couldn’t recall many times when the guy he’d been (very successfully) hitting on had run from him. In fact, he was pretty sure the last time would’ve been Jake, and he wasn’t even sure if that counted since they’d been dating at the time. Romance was different, and so much harder, and more complicated. It was infinitely easier to screw up.

All around him, there were couples who seemed to know each other already and had clearly been more successful in their romantic endeavors than him. There were also couples who didn’t believe they could make it work, and instead danced nearby, too nervous to put their hearts out there. A very, very small part of him envied both.

Maybe it was for the best Jai had left. There was a weird feeling in his chest that he couldn’t seem to shake, and the longer he stood there, the worse it got. Maybe going out at all had been a mistake.

He sighed, and made himself start moving, heading off of the floor. It was embarrassing, to head back so early with his tail between his legs, but he’d just have to hope Roxy didn’t rib him too hard for it.

As if the night couldn’t get any more humiliating, he tripped on his way out. A girl yelped as Dirk knocked into her, and he apologized quickly, glancing over his shoulder. But she wasn’t looking at him, instead clinging to the girl he must’ve accidentally pushed her into with a sort of deer-in-headlights look.

Suddenly, he felt much better about his decision to leave.

When he got back home, Roxy was already sitting on the couch, reading some giant book. He didn't even hesitate to flop down next to them, kicking off his shoes so he could pull his feet up and curl up against their side. If they were really absorbed in it, he’d stay quiet and let them read, but sometimes curling up with Roxy was just a necessary part of the process of shaking off a weird night.

Right on cue, they wrapped an arm around his shoulders, giving him a little squeeze. "Hey. You're back early.”

“Yeah, well, mandatory hokey pokey was about to start, and I just don’t really think I’ve got the tits for shimmying, y’know?”

They nodded sagely. “Good call. You’ve got like, no badonkas to bounce. All the hoes would’ve thought you were super cringe.”

“Exactly. So, you understand why I had to bail.”

“Of course.” 

As Dirk set his head on their shoulder, scanning the words in their book over their shoulder, he recognized it immediately. He and Roxy had read these books so many times, he was pretty sure he could quote large swaths of them just by memory. In some ways, the characters were more familiar than the author, now. He was sure Roxy wouldn’t mind him interrupting their hundredth rereading of Mom’s books.

Still, he hesitated, letting another minute go by before he finally admitted, “I was dancing with a guy, but he had to leave early. Wasn’t really feeling it after that, so I just dipped.”

“You okay?” They bumped him gently, their eyebrows furrowing in concern.

He shrugged. “I’m fine. I think I’m just too in my head for dancing tonight, y’know? I’m thinking too hard about it.”

They nodded. “Sounds like you. You got somethin’ big on the mind, or what?”

“Just John.” He sighed. Even as he said it, he knew it was practically an admission of guilt.

“Ahh. I see.” Roxy looked a little too understanding for his comfort, and even more disturbingly, maybe a little amused. “I thought you were gonna go out and  _ not _ worry about him.”

“Yeah, well.” He waved a hand, uselessly. “Kind of a stupid idea, given that we both know I can’t stop worrying about things to save my life.”

“This is very true. You do tend to be pretty stupid about that.  _ Especially _ when it comes to boys.” They poked him in the side.

“Shut up.” He swatted at their hand.

Roxy snorted and shut their book, pulling away to drop it on the coffee table. “Look, I wasn’t gonna say anythin’ about it, buuuut…”

“Look, shut up, I know.” He sat up more, pushing up his shades and rubbing his face tiredly. “I know. I’m trying not to think about it.”

“And how’s that workin’ out for you?”

“Real bad, thanks for asking.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look. I  _ know _ this is important. I  _ want _ him to go on these dates. I really do. I think it’s good for him to meet new people and make new friends, and I’d like it if he did find someone he fell in love with. Honestly. He deserves that. But also, I  _ need _ him to. I don’t have any other option. I don’t know how long Heart is gonna let us run around like this before she gets bored, so the faster we figure this out, the better.”

“But,” they prompted.

“ _ But _ , I just… I dunno. It’s weird, and stupid, but I’m trying to keep it together because it’s not like it matters. It’s really petty and dumb and it’s just going to get in everyone’s way, including my own.”

“You get in your own way more than anybody else, DiStri.” They snort, softly. They wrap their arm around him again and give him a squeeze. “You’re jealous ‘cause Meulin came in and stole your thunder, and your thunder god.”

He groaned, leaning into them and dropping his head on their shoulder again. “It just sucks, dude. Like, I’m grateful for her help. I am. We’d be fucked without her. But fuck, dude. It’s so fucking petty, but it drives me crazy not knowing what she’s up to or what’s happening all the time, and not knowing the people he’s going out with. Like, I’m barely even involved in this anymore. She tries to include me, but it kind of feels like she just feels obligated to because it’s my quest and not because I’m actually any help. It’s ass. I’m supposed to complete this super bullshit task, that I don’t even like, or want to do, and I can’t even actually do it. Like, what the fuck have I actually accomplished, here, besides I  _ guess _ getting John to stick around and help?”

“You’re a wind whisperer.” They shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, you’re not too great at the Heart magic stuff, but that’s okay. You just haven’t practiced, ‘cause you don’t wanna. That’s fine. But John really likes you, and I don’t think he’d be going along with any of this if you weren’t bullying him into it. Without him, nobody could do shit. You got all the shit. Meu’s just puttin’ it together.”

“That’s a serious understatement.”

“Look, maybe…” Roxy hesitated, making some vague gestures. They looked away, picking at their fingers. “Maybe if you’re so jealous of Meulin and everything she’s doing with her powers and stuff, you should just start practicing again.”

Dirk lifted his head, staring at them in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“I mean, listen. Maybe if you want to contribute so much that you’ve got this big ole jealousy complex about it, you should just start learning how to do it yourself. That way, you could help and get more involved, y’know? Maybe Jade’s right. It has been a really long time, and if you’re careful… Maybe it’ll be okay.” Roxy couldn’t seem to look at him, staring at their hands and chewing their lip. “I don’t feel  _ great _ about it or anything, but like… I need to learn to stop associating your magic with bad stuff and appreciate that it’s just a part of you. And maybe you do too.”

He turned to face them, pulling his feet up and staring at them dead-on. “I don’t  _ want _ to practice. Rox, meddling with Heart magic’s never done me any good. I mean, come on. You of all people know that.”

“Just because you did one spell that turned out to be dangerous doesn’t mean you gotta throw the whole thing away.”

“But it  _ wasn’t _ just one spell. My soul splintered so many times, I almost  _ died _ . I could have died. I could  _ still _ die. I hurt you, and Jade, and it could’ve been so much worse. We don’t know what would’ve happened if Heart hadn’t stuck me back together. Hal-”

“But Heart  _ did _ fix it. And it wasn’t so bad before. It was just that one time. I mean, not that I’m advocating you should start splitting your soul again, but like, again. It was just one spell. That’s not enough reason to throw the whole shit out. And it was a long time ago! Jade and I are okay.” Roxy took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “You can’t keep kickin’ yourself over this.”

“But it  _ wasn’t _ just that,” he protested. “Even after Heart put the pieces back, it’s still all fractured. It hurt, all the time. And I hurt people all the goddamn time. Rufioh could’ve died, and it would’ve been all my fault. He almost did die. Damara’s still so fuckin’ upset and Horuss is… Horuss, and we might never even see Rufioh again because he’s so freaked out over it all. I don’t want to get involved in magic that can do that much damage to people. If I’d just stayed out of it, I could’ve saved everyone so much pain. I shouldn’t have drawn the line at Cronus. I should’ve tried to get out of this ages ago.”

“You  _ did _ try. You’ve always tried to do everything you can to avoid hurting people, but you just didn’t have it figured out yet, and there’s nothing that can be done about that.”

“It was a choice between hurting myself or hurting others, and I didn’t have to take the selfish option,” he insisted.

“Yeah, you did. ‘Cause we care about you, and seeing you hurt would’ve hurt all of us all over again. I don’t wanna see you suffering, Di.” They squeezed his hand tight, frowning.

“I’m going to get through this without using any Heart magic,” he said, firmly. “And after it’s over, I’m never touching that shit again. All I do is destroy, and I think I’ve broken enough people. Besides, it’s a stupid aspect. I can’t even do anything cool with it. It’s just all relationships and love and crap, and I’ve got the worst luck with that shit.”

They sighed. “You hate so goddamn hard on your aspect. Even  _ before _ all the shit hit the fan, you never liked it! You just grump about introspection and relationships. It kinda makes you sound like an incel.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Roxy snorted.

He huffed. “Look, it just sucks, okay. The love stuff is dumb. I’m not gonna go around spending all my time trying to help people figure out what or who they like. I’m not gonna spend all my time helping people figure out themselves, either. I don’t  _ care _ about seeing other people’s Self. And I’m sick to fucking death of mine. It feels like a shitty joke, having my whole aspect be about the Self when I’ve already spent more than enough time up my own ass picking my brain apart. There’s nothing good there. I don’t  _ want _ this aspect. I never did.”

“I know. You hate helpin’ people and you hate yourself, and you’re a sad lonely incel who kisses more guys than he dates because you’re scared of asking someone to commit to you and them running away again.”

“I resent that. I kiss more guys than I date because I’m demiromantic but I like to fuck. Don’t make this about Jake.”

They snorted again. “Aight, so maybe it’s not about Jake.  _ Maybe _ you’re completely over that, and you’ve worked out all your issues around like, whether or not you’re capable of maintaining a meaningful relationship where you don’t stifle the guy, and that doesn’t at all affect your relationship with your love-related aspect.”

“I have, thanks. And it’s not like I haven’t tried dating again. It just hasn’t worked out yet. You know, that normal thing that happens in life where relationships don’t always just magically happen and people end up single for a long time. Fuckin crazy cat person.” He poked them, pointedly.

They laughed, holding up their hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Okay, fine. But you can’t tell me you’re over  _ all _ your boy troubles, ‘cause it’s pretty fuckin’ obvious being in charge isn’t your number one problem, here. Yeah, you’re a tightass, but if there’s not somethin’ else goin’ on here, I’m straight.”

“You’re straight.”

“Straight right is what I am. You totes left that bar ‘cause you wished it was John, huh?” The expression Roxy gave him was that of a smug cat that had finally caught its prey, knowing and amused, chin resting on laced fingers.

“Shut up.” Just to wipe the smirk off of their face, Dirk poked his fingers into their side, tickling them.

They yelped, swatting away his hand and laughing. “I’m right! You totes did! You got it real bad, DiStri. I’m not blind. You’re like,  _ always _ finding excuses to get touchy with him, and sneakin’ off to do shit together without lil’ ole me.” They ticked off things on their fingers. “You show him all your projects, you watch movies you hate for him, you give up working for him, you try to teach him about all the stuff you’re super into, you take him to all your favorite places,  _ and _ you’ve never once tried to kill him for pulling shit on you, even when he dyed your hair green that one time.”

Stupidly, he mumbled, “Green’s his favorite color.”

“You know everything about him! And don’t tell me it’s ‘cause the gods put it in your head, because we  _ both _ know you know  _ way _ more than that. You spend all your time trying to get to know him better so you can do stuff he likes and make him happy. You like him so much, you want him to fall in love with someone else, just because you know he wants to.” They poked him in the chest. “You, are actually, totally, super in love, for the first time in like… what, since… I don’t know, when you first met Horuss, maybe?”

He held up a finger, quick to protest. “Okay, first of all, we don’t talk about that. And I wasn’t  _ in love _ with him. I just  _ liked _ him. He liked horses, and he built robots, and that was kind of a fucking niche, okay?”

“And he’s shredded as hell,” Roxy added.

“And he’s shredded as hell! He was hot. I was weak. But that was the past. I’ve grown since then. I’m a changed man.”

“Yeah. Now you’ve got a big ole crush on a shredded as hell  _ god _ , who’s a literal fucking tornado part-time. You really know how to pick ‘em.”

“It’s not like it’s a  _ choice _ . If I had a fucking choice in the matter, don’t you think I would have just decided to  _ not _ by now? I’ve been  _ trying _ to get over it. He’s a fucking immortal god of wind and chaos and I’m literally trying to help him fall in love with someone else. And even if he  _ did _ like me, what if that doesn’t count? What if that doesn’t break the curse?” He threw up his hands. “If I was going to choose who I liked, I’d rather choose someone who’s just nice and safe and easy.”

“You hate nice and safe and easy.”

“I  _ know _ ,” Dirk groaned, dropping his head back. “He’s so hot.”

Roxy laughed at him. “You’re so fucked.”

He flopped back on the couch, throwing his legs over their lap. “It’s so stupid, and so doomed, and I hate it so much. And he doesn’t even  _ feel _ attraction, or  _ like _ sex, but I  _ still _ want him, like a fucking idiot.”

“He might like it. You don’t know. Just ‘cause he’s ace doesn’t mean he’s not down to clown.” They poked his leg. “Asexual refers to attraction, not libido.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter because I’m never gonna get to find out. I’m just gonna pine forever like a fucking moron, and watch him fall in love with someone else, and then he’ll fuck off and disappear from my life forever. I’ll be like, a ninety-year-old spinster hobbling my way to the nearest Breath shrine every day to weird out the young mages by weeping on the shrine all tsundere like, “You were such an insufferable dick and I hated you so much, please come back, xoxo, Dirk.” That’s my fucking fate, Roxy.”

They snorted and rolled their eyes. “You’re so dramatic. You’ll get through this, and eventually, you’ll get over it. Or maybe you’ll cry every time a particularly strong breeze blows by, but hey, on the bright side, that’ll be funny af.”

“Gee, thanks.” He swatted at them. “Look, it’s whatever. I’m just gonna keep quiet about it and keep trying to get over it. I  _ like _ John and I like spending time with him and I’m not gonna let my bitter ass jealousy fuck it up or fuck up his chances at falling in love.”

“Aw, you really love him.”

“I don’t  _ love _ him. I’ve only known him for a couple months.” He rolled his eyes, but his face still felt warm. It wasn’t exactly all that  _ often _ he got crushes on guys. It was always weird and uncomfortable when he did. All of the sudden he’d have all of these weird, tender feelings that he didn’t want to think about and definitely didn’t want to ever admit to having, and it was just awful. Trying to address it and ask guys out for real was even worse, because suddenly he had all his feelings on the line. Sure, it was awkward and weird when guys he wasn’t romantically attracted to rejected him, but it was a whole other level when it was a friend and not just some dude in a bar. At least with John he didn’t have to ever worry about asking him out and getting rejected.

Roxy rolled their eyes right back at him. “Whatever helps you get over it.”

Dirk sighed. For a minute, they both sat in silence. Then Dirk said, “God, how late do you think they’re going to get back?”

Roxy snickered, patting his thigh. “Pretty late, if the past couple dates are any indication. You gonna stay up all night and wait for him?”

He wanted to say no. But with the look Roxy gave him, he could tell they already knew. “Yeah,” he said, defeated.

“You gonna see if you can keep him up so late he passes out with you again?” they asked, picking up their book.

He sat up more, pointing a finger at them. “You have no proof that I’ve ever done that.”

They just laughed.

Dirk let himself fall back with a quiet groan. With Roxy returning to their book, there was nothing left to do but wallow and contemplate his stupid crush, and what John might be up to.

He tried not to worry too much about John’s dates, but more and more lately he found himself doing just that.

He wasn’t worried about John, exactly. No matter how late John came back, he was always positive he  _ would _ come back safe and sound. Although John usually hid it behind a friendly, goofy personality and a harmless fleshy body, Dirk had seen him shift forms around the house, and he’d picked up on the way that even his mortal form just wasn’t quite right. His eyes were far from human, just a little too intense and constantly shifting and flashing with his mood. His hair never laid flat, and if Dirk looked at it directly for too long, it almost seemed like it was moving, shifting like tendrils, or swaying in an unfelt breeze. Sometimes he could swear John’s grin stretched too wide, or that the edges of his form seemed wispy, and fuzzy, like he was made of smoke. It was all easy to miss, if you didn’t pay attention, but Dirk always paid attention to John. John may have been human once, but he certainly wasn’t now. He was immensely powerful and immensely dangerous, and Dirk knew that he was only lucky that the wind always seemed to blow in his favor. He’d had yet to really be on the bad end of one of John’s legendary mood swings, but everyone had heard the stories about what could happen if you pissed him off. He pitied the sorry bastard who tried mugging the god of storms and chaos.

So Dirk didn’t worry about John.

But he  _ did _ worry about how his dates went. The longer John stayed out with someone, the more likely it seemed that he’d go on a second date. The more second dates he went on, the more likely it seemed he’d find someone he’d fall in love with. And, if John fell in love… he’d leave.

The idea was terrifying to Dirk. John had grown to mean so much to him and he wanted to believe that after this he’d still see him sometimes. But what if he didn’t? What if, to John, Dirk was just another blink of an eye in his very, very long life? What was a mortal to a god, after all? It’d only been a couple months. Maybe he wasn’t as important to John as John was to him. Maybe, if he found someone he liked enough, he’d spend all his time hanging out with them and forget all about Dirk. Maybe Dirk was replaceable. 

Dirk wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he heard the bell over the door to the shop jingle, ever so faintly. Louder was the sound of voices, laughing and talking as they came in. One he recognized instantly, while the other was unfamiliar.

John had never brought anyone back before.

Dirk could feel his stomach sink. He sat up, causing Roxy to look up from their book.

The voices never got any louder. It seemed like they were staying downstairs, at least. They were too quiet to make out words, and Dirk wondered if John would catch him if he tried to listen in. Then he wondered if he should be listening in at all.

“Is that John?” Roxy asked, after a minute.

“Yeah, and his date,” Dirk said, softly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Roxy chewed their lip, looking over at him. Then they took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “You wanna go eavesdrop?”

His own laugh caught him by surprise. He squeezed their hand back, not quite managing to bite back his smile. “Hell yeah.”

Roxy grinned, setting their book down and dragging him out to the stairs to take up listening positions. Eavesdropping on a god may not have been the best idea, but hey, John was the one who’d made the mistake of bringing the guy home.

As Roxy sat just in front of him on one of the lower steps, their back pressed against his knees, he couldn’t help but be grateful. All-powerful, attractive, eldritch boys may come and go, but twins were forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my hope was to finish this by the end of summer, but a lot of stuff has come up for me and i dont think i can make that deadline. lifes kinda rough atm and so updating is kind of hard right now, but it means so much to me that you guys have hung in there with me through this. your comments mean the absolute world to me and they turn my whole day around. thank you SO much for getting this far, i hope ill at least be able to finish chapter ten by the end of this month for you guys
> 
> i mentioned in my last chapters notes, but i highly recommend following me on my tumblr @daedalusdavinci so you can get updates on my posting "schedule," extra headcanons, and art! when i finally finish this series, i plan on posting some of the stuff i cut out over there, as well as some of the headcanons i had that didnt make it into this fic!


	10. Chapter 10

Somehow, Dirk had thought that getting Meulin alone would be an easier task than this. How hard could it be when she spent so much time over at their place? 

Apparently, pretty hard. The problem with Meulin was that, unlike Dirk, she didn’t really keep to herself most of the time. More often, he could find her hanging off of Horuss, or teaching Roxy new signs, or trying to explain queerbaiting in TV shows to John. Dirk was actually probably the only one in the house who  _ didn’t _ regularly spend time with Meulin, and now that he’d decided to start trying to, it was really biting him in the ass.

Today, John was out on a date and Roxy was working, so it  _ seemed _ like as good of a time as any to get her alone. Roxy wouldn’t be home for hours, and while this was John’s first date with the latest match, Dirk was pretty sure he wouldn't be back until much later. Meulin had set him up with a friend of his, and if nothing else, he'd probably be too busy having fun with a friend to ditch. The only obstacle he had to get past now was Horuss. 

And, of course, Meulin was hovering around him like a moon in orbit while he worked, chatting away about some mutual friends of theirs that Dirk barely recognized the names of.

After a good half an hour of stealing glances over at Horuss’s work table like a shy kid at lunch in middle school, trying to figure out how to get up and go ask a girl out, it began to sink in that this wasn’t going to be one of those situations where, if he just waited long enough, an opening would appear. If he wanted to get Meulin alone, he would have to stop pussyfooting around it and just  _ ask _ her. It sounded so embarrassing and awkward, and just thinking about it, he could come up with a million reasons why it would go poorly and he’d end up humiliating himself in front of Horuss. 

But the longer he worked, bent over the hot forge, the more the heat of the room melded with the heat in his Heart, burning its way through his skin and making it hard to breathe. His head felt cloudy and his Heart felt like it was cracking apart, each fracture sending pain shooting through his chest. It was tolerable, but in the same way that pushing yourself through a day of retail work while extremely nauseous was tolerable purely because you knew if you complained, you’d be fired.

Mentally bracing himself, he called out, “Hey, Meulin, I gotta get something heavy out of storage. Think you could give me a hand?”

“Yeah, sure!”

Dirk let his breath go all at once, feeling a little of the nervousness flood out of his body. It wasn’t over yet, but he’d taken the first step, and it’d all come easier from there. He had momentum, now.

After a minute, Meulin ducked through the archway into the forge, smiling easily at him somehow, despite how cold he’d always been to her. “What are we lifting?”

Briefly, Dirk debated lying and finding some stupid large thing to carry. Instead, he set down his tongs, stepping away from the fire and pulling off his gloves. “Actually, I was just hoping I could pull you aside for a second,” he admitted, stuffing his gloves into his belt.

He could see the way Meulin’s expression shifted, eyebrows furrowing as the tone of the interaction, too, shifted for her. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Dirk said, quickly. Then he backpedaled, scratching at the back of his neck. “I mean, not really. Look, I just wanted to… apologize.” He saw Meulin’s eyebrows shoot up, but he pressed on, “I’ve been thinking, and, I know I haven’t really been the friendliest to you. I let my bias and my issues with Heart cloud the way I view you, and that’s not really fair to you, especially when you’ve done so much to help me out. I really appreciate everything you’re doing here.”

It was hard to look at Meulin, but when he finally did, he saw that she’d started to smile. It wasn’t a big, blinding grin, or a forced, polite sort of smile. It was… soft, and sincere. “You weren’t that bad.”

Dirk shook his head. “No, I think I definitely was. I mean, you noticed it.”

Meulin rolled her eyes, and her smile spread a little wider. “Yeah, okay. It wasn’t great. You were kind of a dick.”

“ _ Thank _ you.”

She laughed, lightly. “It’s okay. Not efurryone has to like me! I can be a lot sometimes, I know.”

“You’re really not, man. You’ve got a lot of enthusiasm, I guess, but that’s nothing to apologize for. It’s hard to be passionate in a world that actively tells us that our only worth is what we contribute to capitalism. I’ve got a lot of respect for that.” He shrugged a shoulder, a little awkwardly. Sincerity wasn’t really his thing. Apologizing wasn’t really his thing. But he figured he owed it to Meulin.

“Guess it’s a good thing I can’t listen,” Meulin said, tapping one of her ears and grinning. 

Caught off guard, Dirk snorted, pressing a knuckle against his mouth to try and stifle it.

Her grin widened, and she offered him out a hand. “I think I can find it in me to furgive you.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted. Feeling like he didn’t deserve it, but still relieved, he took the hand. “We could start over?”

“Yeah. That’d be good.” She gave his hand a shake and smiled at him. “I’d like to be friends with you.”

He tried not to let it, but it hit kind of hard. He’d never been very good at hearing anything remotely complimentary about himself, and from Meulin, it really felt like he didn’t deserve it. But Meulin was a kind and nice person, and that was just kind of who she was. He still didn’t know how to really take that gracefully, so instead he just took his hand back, stuffing it in his pocket instead. “I’d like that. I meant it, though. I don’t really like, make a habit of tossing out compliments or anything, so don’t get used to it, but. I know we still haven’t finished the quest or anything, but you’ve done a seriously amazing job. You’re a  _ really _ good magician, and it’s… good, to have you around.”

He could’ve sworn he saw her cheeks turn a little darker. She bumped her shoulder into his, possibly to play it off. “Aww. Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He bumped her back. Apologizing had gone so well, he almost didn’t even want to move to the next subject, because it was maybe even more terrifying. But he forced himself to say, “Uh, there was one other thing, though.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, frowning.

Bluh. He fidgeted, a little, straightening out his tools on the table. “I was wondering, if… maybe, you could teach me some stuff?”

He could  _ see _ the stages pass through Meulin’s expression- confusion, processing, realization, and horrible, unadulterated delight. “What, magic? Heart magic?”

He tried not to visibly brace himself. “Yeah.”

Meulin was doing that thing that she did when she was excited, where she sort of flapped her hands and did a little dance, stomping her feet in place and bouncing until her grin stretched so wide Dirk was worried she’d split her face clean open. She squealed, so loud and so high pitched he almost flinched. “MOGMOGMOGMOGMOG!!!!! You want me to teach you magic! MOG!”

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

“YES!!!” She grabbed his shoulders, and he could practically see stars in her eyes as she bounced in place. “I will ABSOLUTELY teach you absolutely EFURRYTHING about Heart magic!”

He really,  _ really _ had not expected such an enthusiastic reaction. Not even in his wildest dreams. He didn’t even have to  _ elaborate _ . He’d been all ready to try and explain why, after being so vehemently against practicing for so long, he'd suddenly had a change of heart and decided that maybe it was time to let go of old grudges and allow himself to participate in something that he had once been so excited about. Fuck, it’d been so damn hard for him to accept he wanted to start practicing magic again, he hadn’t expected anyone else to take it so easily. It’d taken Roxy, Jade,  _ and _ John all telling him that maybe it was time to let go before he was willing to consider even the possibility of starting to practice again. But Meulin was just… ready to teach him, just like that.

But the last thing he wanted to do was talk her out of it, so he said, “Fuck, alright. Awesome.”

He did, sincerely, want to learn how to practice magic again. It terrified him to admit, but there had been a lot about practicing magic that he had seriously enjoyed. At his core, Dirk craved knowledge. He wanted to learn how to manipulate his magic and learn about it and about other people. Yeah, Meulin’s usual brand of magic wasn’t really his thing, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t have value and it didn’t mean he couldn’t find something in Heart magic that he could use and have fun with- something that  _ wasn’t _ destructive. He could remember how it felt to finally harness the lightning that ran through his veins, or to feel and grasp onto John’s Heart. It scared him shitless, but he couldn’t help but want to know and do more.

It was probably about time he stopped carrying around the guilt from what he’d done when he was a kid and allowed himself to- not forget, but move on, and stop letting an isolated incident run the way he led and viewed the rest of his life. 

Plus, he was kind of hoping that if he learned how to harness his magic, he might be able to do something about the way his Heart was starting to tear itself apart all over again. He’d known it was only a matter of time before Heart started to get bored and tried to make him start matchmaking again, but somehow, he’d thought he’d have a little more time. A full year, at least. But already, that urge was starting to come creeping back in more and more, and with it, pain; searing, burning pain. He was determined not to give in and start doing the very thing that he’d started this quest to  _ avoid _ , and the more he resisted, the more he could feel his Heart start to unravel. 

The best way to heal it, obviously, would be to learn enough Heart magic to start helping Meulin out and hope that that would be enough to find John someone he could love. He didn't like admitting it, but it was a little difficult sometimes to think about setting John up with someone else, John falling in love with that person, and then him vanishing from Dirk’s life completely. However, with Heart getting bored again, the clock was now ticking. Even the fact that he  _ wanted _ John to be able to find love aside, he didn’t really have any other choice at this point. He needed this to work out, and he needed it to work out quickly.

_ Unless _ , he managed to figure out enough Heart magic to undo whatever the fuck he’d done to himself. If nothing else, he might be able to buy himself more time to figure things out. If his own magic had been enough to tear his soul apart, then it stood to reason that his own magic should be able to put his soul back together again. ...Probably. Hopefully. It was his best shot, at this point, unless this whole dating thing actually did, somehow, magically work out for John. 

Speaking of- Dirk heard the bell over the door ring. Given that they didn't have any appointments scheduled at this hour, it had to be John getting back from his date. Or, maybe _ with _ his date, going off of the chatter he could hear in the other room. 

"John's back," he told Meulin. "Sounds like Vriska might be with him."

Meulin's eyes lit up. She squeezed Dirk's shoulders and said, "Okay, here's the plan. Once she leaves,  _ you _ are going to try and get a read on John and see how he feels about the date."

"Okay, and… how do I do that?" 

"Heart magic is about understanding other people. You've felt the auras before, right?"

"Yeah. Like how John feels like cold wind and falling, or Heart feels like lightning."

"Yeah! Well, Heart feels more like warm fur and passion to me, and John feels like finally laughing? But whatever." She waved a hand dismissively. "We can- and  _ will _ \- swap stories on that later. The point is, Heart magic is all about tapping into that. Those auras are like the very surface of the Heart. You just have to learn how to read deeper into it and start unraveling the whole mess that makes them up! John is a god, so his aura is way messier and more accessible and bigger. This makes it both easier, aaand a bit harder." She pinched her fingers together. "Because he's so massive it can be hard to get through to the root of it or easy to become overwhelmed. But it's at least easy to get in there. Mortals are way harder to read because they don't want to be read! Gods read each other all the time."

"Okay, but, how do I  _ do that _ ?" Dirk pressed. "It's one thing to say just read deeper, but like, what the fuck does that mean? How am I actually supposed to go about it?"

Meulin shrugged. "It's going to be a lot of trial and error. Just concentrate on what you want to know and you'll just kind of find it eventually. Sometimes it helps if you imagine what they might be. Even if you're wrong, people want to be known so badly, even subconsciously they'll rush to correct you."

Dirk rubbed his forehead. "So, I'm just gonna jump in and figure it out from there. That's the official plan. Just go digging around in John's aura for a while."

"Yep. I mean, as far as test subjects go, he's a pretty good candidate! It's way easier to read people who know what you're doing and are letting you do it. And, you already know John so well, it'll be a cinch!"

Dirk sighed. 

“Hey, you’ve got this.” She gave him a kind smile, sliding her hands down to his and giving them a squeeze. “Once you try that first time, it’ll all come easier from there.”

“Okay.” He squeezed her hands back, before letting go. He didn’t like it, but he knew Meulin was right. He had to start somewhere, even if it made him nervous. The last thing he wanted to do was get distracted and do something embarrassing while trying to practice magic in front of John and Meulin, and John was… very distracting. But he’d just have to try his best. If he wanted to learn, he’d have to trust her.

Dirk paused, and then said, “I think this is the longest I’ve ever heard you go without cat-punning.”

“It’s a serious confursation!”

“And, there we go again.”

She laughed, grabbing his hand and starting to tug him towards the entryway. “Come on, we should go say hi to John and Vriska.”

“I  _ thought _ my ears were burning.”

“Fuck,” Dirk said, without thinking.

Meulin clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh!”

“That’s still a thing humans say, right? It’s not too out of date?” John asked, pushing away from where he'd been leaning in the archway and going to plop down right in the middle of Dirk’s workspace. Naturally. He had a talent for always getting in the way of Dirk’s work.

“Kind of. Like, my grandpa might, maybe,” Dirk said, reaching over to pinch his side.

John swatted at him. “You have a grandpa?”

“No. Biologically, sure, but not one that I’ve ever known.”

“Huh.”

“How was the date?” Meulin cut in, hopping over and clapping her hands together.

“Good! I guess. I think? I don’t know. It’s Vriska.” John shrugged.

Dirk nodded, understanding.

Vriska was a regular at the shop, but even more regular than their usual regulars, due to her knack for getting in trouble and busting up her prosthetic arm. Dirk had honestly lost count of how many times they’d had to fix that thing. She was kind of something of a terror. She was loud, dramatic, obnoxious, mean enough to go back and forth with Dirk and John with no problem, and confident enough to tell Horuss where to stick it when he started talking shit about class. She liked to pick fights and had a fierce passion for the most random and dorky things, but still managed to talk about them like they were cool. She was one of the toughest people Dirk had ever met, and one of the bitchiest. She never set up appointments, but somehow, she always managed to get lucky and pop in when work was slow. And frankly, Dirk loved her. They butt heads pretty often because of- honestly, because of how similar they were, but at the end of the day he had to respect her. Vriska was a bitch who knew who she was and what she wanted to get out of life.

Because she was around so often, she was one of the few mortals outside of their little household circle that John had actually made friends with. They bonded over some of the worst, most indefensible movies Dirk had ever seen, and bickered back and forth about some of the dumbest shit Dirk had ever heard. They got along really well. Meulin must’ve seen something in their banter, because after watching them interact a couple of times, she’d come to Dirk asking about the odds of setting them up together and having it work.

Dirk still wasn’t totally sure how he felt about that, but if Meulin thought it was a good idea, then it probably was. She definitely had an eye for this kind of thing. And, as she pointed out, their chances of getting John to fall for someone might be better if they set him up with someone he already knew and got along with. It’d cut out all the awkward getting to know someone stuff, and some people just didn’t crush on people unless they were already friends with them, anyway. Maybe John would turn out to be one of those people.

“Did you have fun, at least?” Dirk asked.

“Yeah! It was just like hanging out with her like usual, except she bullied me more,” John said.

“Which you’re into.”

John swatted at him again.

Dirk grabbed his hand. John laced their fingers together, and Dirk just sighed, leaning his hip into the table. “Are you going to go out with her again?”

“Yeah. She wants to take me rock climbing, except I’m not allowed to cheat or whatever. I get this weird feeling she isn’t actually going to take me to a rock climbing place? I almost feel like I should be getting ready to pack emergency flares. But I think it’ll be fun.” He shrugged.

Meulin took a deep breath, shutting her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, she was grinning, widely. “I have a really good feline about this.”

“I hope so. I’m getting kind of sick of sitting on whoopee cushions,” Dirk said, rubbing his thumb across the back of John’s hand. 

“I did that  _ once _ ,” John protested. “The last time was Roxy. I’m no repeat jokester.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? You put plastic wrap under the toilet seat  _ twice _ , and you’ve set up more tripwires and plastic wrap doorways than I can count, and that’s not even bringing up how many fucking times you’ve gone out of your way to wreck my hair in any possible way you can. Shaving cream, dye, honey-”

“In my defense, your hair is basically  _ asking _ to be fucked with.” He reached over and ruffled up Dirk’s hair, earning a swat for it. He just laughed and bumped their shoulders together.

“When this is finished, you’re still going to visit, right?” Meulin asked, as though she was looking straight into Dirk’s mind and  _ knew _ just how terrified he was of John leaving.

John looked at her and then at Dirk. He frowned- maybe as though he didn’t like thinking about leaving ( _ Projecting, much? _ )- and squeezed Dirk’s hand. “Yeah, of course. I mean, I might need a little reminder. Time feels so different for me sometimes and I end up letting too much of it pass. But Dirk’s got my number. If I haven’t driven you crazy already, then I’m here whenever you need.”

Dirk squeezed his hand back. But he joked, “Even if it’s an inconvenient time, and you’re in the middle of something?”

“I can always split my soul,” John said, nudging him.

“Even if I call you with Chopsticks?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

He had to try not to grin. “Aw, c’mon. What happened to, “Whenever I need?””

“ _ I _ have needs. Needs that include not hearing you play shitty renditions of Chopsticks ever again. That song is supposed to be played in three-count! It’s a waltz! It’s two-handed! And  _ not _ in the way where you poke it with two fingers.” 

“Dude, you’re breaking my heart here. Hang on- it’s a  _ waltz _ ?”

“Oh my gods. Okay, later, remind me to find a piano.”

"Even if Dirk drives you off with his piano, you better at least still visit  _ me _ ," Meulin said, putting a hand over her heart. "I didn't do all this work just to never see my friend again!" 

John held up his hand. "I swear, no matter how much of a jackass Dirk is, I'll make sure our friendship prevails. Best friends?"

Meulin nodded, seriously. "Best friends."

"Alright, traitors. I see how it is," Dirk said, pulling his hand out of John's. "I'll have both of your souls exorcised from the premises."

"Can you even do that?" John asked.

"I dunno, probably."

"Why don't we just start with reading auras?" Meulin suggested, looking as though she was trying not to laugh. She told John, “Dirk’s going to start purracticing again! And you’re our test dummy.”

“What, seriously?” John looked over at Dirk in surprise. 

Somehow, Dirk had forgotten all about the part where he had to admit not only to Meulin that he wanted to start practicing, but everyone else, too. Feeling embarrassed, Dirk shrugged, casting his gaze off to the side. "Yeah. I figured maybe it was time. And I wanna help. I can't just have Meulin do all the work for me."

He could see John starting to grin at him and he did his best to ignore it.

"I figured he could start off just getting a read on you and how you feel after the date," Meulin said. "Should be easy enough!"

"I mean, yeah, sure. Knock yourself out. Probe away." John spread his hands, turning more towards Dirk.

Dirk blinked, looking between the two of them. "What, like right now?"

"Yeah! The longer you wait, the harder it'll get," Meulin said. 

John shrugged. "Might as well."

Dirk did  _ not _ feel prepared for this. He could barely remember what he was supposed to do. Had Meulin even really explained it? They were both looking at him and he wanted to take a step back, ask for instructions, read fifteen books on it, and then come back to it when he felt good and ready. But he took in a deep breath and put his hand on John’s chest. "Gods, okay." 

Usually, when he felt John's aura, it was because John reached out to him, and not the other way around. Now that it was his turn, he had no idea what to do. He felt like an idiot, just sitting there while Meulin and John watched him expectantly.

He tried to call on his magic, thinking hard about the buzz of lightning just under his skin. It’d been a long time since he’d summoned it, but he was all too familiar with the energy that lived in his heart and lungs, making every day painful and exhausting. He could feel it now, slowly tearing him apart with a dull, stabbing sensation. His chest was warm with power and he urged it through himself, offering his veins as a conduit as he pushed into John. His eyes slid shut and he could feel wind, cold and strong, ripping at his hair and stealing the air from his lungs. He was free-falling into John, fingers grasping at nothing as the wind roared and laughed in his ears.

He was lost. He could feel John in a way he’d never been able to feel him before. He was so…  _ massive _ , and this was only one small fraction of his Self. Dirk knew he couldn't have been getting the full picture even now, but it felt like his understanding of what John was had just expanded by leagues. John was a leaf that broke away from the tree, a breeze that sang carelessly through dark caves, a bird that stole whatever shined, a grin that stretched too wide. He was itching, and changing, and shifting, unable to be one thing or stay in one place or concentrate on one thought. He was a hurricane, so powerful and destructive he was barely recognizable, tearing apart everything in his path with a roar like laughter. He was free, unknown by many, tethered by none, and so, hopelessly lost; a boy on an empty battlefield, wrapped in blood-soaked rags and miles away from home.

He almost forgot everything, seeing John’s Heart laid out before him. It was everything he’d ever wanted to know, just within his grasp. And there was so  _ much _ of it. He could be here forever, reading John’s whole life as it stretched on and on. He could know John better than anyone else ever had, wrapped in wind and comforted by the feeling of the eldritch being he’d somehow fallen so in love with. 

Vriska. Dirk was supposed to be looking for Vriska. John had gone on a date today.

It was hard, with the wind so loud, but he tried to focus on her. He thought about her messy hair, her sharp laugh, her talent for catching lizards, and the way she always tried to pocket the tools on his belt, just to see if she could. How did  _ John _ see her? How had the date gone?

Finding it felt a lot like tripping over it. There was… amusement, here. Fondness. Playful bickering, laughter, pride, and challenge. It was all fuzzy and blurred together, but it had to be what he was looking for. He dug his fingers deeper into it, narrowing in on that feeling and following it. 

But as Dirk pushed back the layers, he slammed face-first into a wall of hesitancy and nerves. There was so much worry. It caught him off guard, to find something like this just under the surface of John’s date. It was all muddled together with something caring, tangled so hopelessly that one couldn’t be without the other. John liked Vriska. He was excited to spend time with her, he liked being around her, and he had fun with her. But if dating went wrong, and he lost her friendship, what then? What if he said something weird? What if he freaked himself out and ended up acting too awkward? What if he couldn’t fall in love? But there was a sense of duty all wrapped up in it too, like he had to keep going, and pushing forward. And, hope, underneath it all. He  _ wanted _ to date her. 

Somewhere in the mess of worry, buried deep below all the fear that he might hurt someone, was love- bright, blinding love that scorched Dirk’s skin and left him breathless. It was protective and worried, but playful and happy, carefree and easy. It was like bumping shoulders, hooking pinky fingers together, running to someone, pressing foreheads together and grinning like an idiot. Dirk didn’t know what love would feel like, sensing it like this, but it was unmistakable. He knew it like he knew his Heart was full of lightning, or that Roxy would always love cats, or that his father had died a hero. Digging into it felt like digging into a pile of nails. The love and care John felt was so sincere, it hurt, adoration practically radiating in everything he did. It drove him forward, fueling his determination to make these dates work out.

John was only dating Vriska because of love.

Pulling back was like trying to yank his foot out of mud after letting it sink in all the way up to his knee. He felt suctioned in, dragging his own soul out of John's much bigger, chaotic mess of one. For a second, he even worried he wouldn't be able to find his way out.

Then, he was out.

Dirk opened his eyes. He must have fainted or something, because he’d slumped forward on the table, into John. He forced his fingers to uncurl from John’s shirt, blinking hard and trying to regain his bearings. He could feel the edge of the table pressing awkwardly into his hips, his feet still planted on the floor, and John's arms around him, keeping him from slipping. When he lifted his head, John's face was embarrassingly close, scrunched up in a concerned frown. His eyes were cloudy and dark as he searched Dirk’s face. Briefly, Dirk was struck with the urge to lean up, just a little, and kiss the frown off of his face. But he shook it off as soon as it came.

John bumped his forehead into Dirk’s own, and his stomach flipped. "Nice to have you back."

"Did I pass out?" Dirk asked, starting to pull back and stretch. He glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the empty forge, trying to regain his bearings. "Where's Meulin?"

John loosened his hold on Dirk, enough to let him straighten up, but didn’t quite let go. His hands slid to rest on his hips instead, like he was worried he might fall over again. As Dirk stretched his arms over his head, John’s thumb rubbed against the patch of skin where his shirt rode up. "She's "helping" Horuss. She said you could take it from here on your own and that she would talk to you about it more later. I think you just kind of blacked out for a second. It wasn’t long.” 

Dirk rubbed his forehead, bracing his other hand on one of John’s thighs. He felt a little light-headed, but it was fading fast. "Sorry. Your Heart is kind of… a lot."

“Thanks.” John snorted, his fingers already twisting up into Dirk’s shirt. Dirk couldn’t tell if it was a normal amount of fidgetiness, or if there were some nerves mixed in there. "So, what's the verdict, doc? Am I gonna die alone or what?"

He hesitated, chewing the inside of his cheek. Frankly, now that he was back to himself, everything made less sense than it had just a few seconds ago. When he was looking into John’s Heart, he thought he’d understood everything, but now... It was hard to say what was real and what was just him reading too far into it. Hearts were messy, complicated, and contradictory. It wasn’t like reading a book, where it was all laid out plainly for you. They were emotional, and emotions didn’t tend to be the clearest.

While he’d been looking through John’s Heart, he’d at least seen that John had had a good time on his date. That much was obvious. He was really nervous about it, but he liked Vriska. A lot. Maybe… enough to fall in love with her. If he could just get past the fear, this could be it. There had been something there. Of that, Dirk was sure. 

_ He’s in love with someone else _ .

His Heart stung like someone had just chipped another piece away. It took everything in him to avoid wincing and keep breathing normally. He didn’t want to freak John out, but it cut deep.

He’d been trying his best to avoid letting jealousy get the better of him. He wanted to focus on John and John’s happiness, and work towards that however he could. However, even though he knew this was a good thing, he couldn’t help the way it hurt. He’d  _ known _ John was never going to be in love with him, but it was somehow one thing to know it and a whole other to have it confirmed by the man’s soul. He wanted it to be him. He wished it were. 

If John hadn’t seemed nervous before, he definitely did now. He hooked his fingers through one of Dirk’s belt loops, twisted his shirt around another finger as much as he could, and let it go again, only to start over. The way he was chewing his lip made it hard not to stare, and the feeling of his fingers tracing along the waistband of his pants was  _ very _ distracting. “...Is that a yes?”

Dirk said quickly, “No. I’m just… still trying to figure out what I saw. I told you, it was a lot, and I’m brand-fucking-new at this.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He sighed, taking one of John’s hands from his hip so he’d have a different, less distracting way to fidget. He watched John rub his thumb across his knuckles and tried to find the right words. “...I think this is going to work out for you. But, only if you stop freaking yourself out so much about it. If you spend every date worried about how it’s going to go, you won’t even give yourself the chance to enjoy it. You and Vriska have a good thing going. You just have to not shoot yourself in the foot before it happens.”

John sighed. “I know. I'm really trying not to!”

"You’ve just gotta treat it like any other hangout with Vriska. Focus on having fun in the moment and overthink it later. I’ll hold your hand when you get back and you can tell me why getting chicken tenders instead of a hamburger was your doom and she totally hates you now. Just try to enjoy yourself while you’re there and don’t think too hard about it.”

"Okay, you  _ know _ the second someone tells me not to think about something that's all I can think about."

"Then don't think about how totally awesome and sexy I am and how you wish I wasn't dying so you could have an affair with me instead."

John punched him in the shoulder, which was probably deserved, and snorted. "You are  _ not _ dying. I mean, yeah, your Heart is kind of a wreck, but-" John placed his hand on Dirk's chest, cold air starting to chase the pain out of his Heart.

If he felt Dirk’s Heart now, he’d know just how bad it was splintering already.

Dirk panicked. White-hot electricity surged through him, and John whipped his hand back like he'd been burned. Dirk’s mouth fell open in surprise. He reached for John’s hand, stammering, “Fuck, sorry. I didn’t mean to- Shit.”

John stared at Dirk, incredulously. "Ow? Deeps, dude." He rubbed his hands along Dirk’s arms, like he could somehow brush the static off of him. It… actually kind of felt like he was. He looked concerned, but Dirk couldn’t tell if it was because he’d had time to sense how much Dirk had splintered or not. Probably not. It was tolerable right now, but Dirk had the feeling that if he could see it, he’d still be a lot more concerned than this. "You are really fucking charged up. Maybe you should take a break from working and like, relax. Godly auras can be kind of overwhelming."

"You just want to hog all my attention for yourself and keep me from getting anything done," Dirk said. Already, he was behind on work from all the  _ other _ times John had talked him into taking a break. But he still found himself leaning into John’s touch, sliding his hands up John’s thighs, to his hips.

"Is that  _ so _ wrong?" John asked, giving his arms a squeeze. 

"One of these days, you’re going to get me in so much fucking trouble.”

“Good.” John moved forward, pressing Dirk back as he slid off the table. This close to him, the height difference was stark, putting Dirk a good half a foot above him. Apparently, John noticed it too, because he floated up, just slightly higher than Dirk.

John was so fucking close, it’d take almost nothing to press against him, or kiss him, and all Dirk could think about was how fucking stupid he was, biting his knuckle to keep from laughing. 

John punched his shoulder, and Dirk choked on a snort. 

"Dude, you can have whatever form you want and you  _ choose _ to be this short.” He only just managed to keep the laughter out of his voice.

"Yeah, well! This was what I looked like when I was human." John stuck his tongue out at him. Then, in the blink of an eye, John changed, morphing from a regular human into that bigger, inky tornado form. "Is this better?"

The static sparking in the ink or the way the tornado blew his hair back from his face should've been enough to tell Dirk to keep his hands to himself, but he’d never been one for good decisions. He pressed his hands to John's surprisingly solid chest, feeling the way it shifted with the churning of the tornado. He was cold and damp, and his body left ink on Dirk’s hands that faded away just seconds after he pulled back. "Yes.”

John snorted at him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in closer. It was a total reverse of before, where now  _ Dirk _ felt like the small one. And he kind of liked it, as much as he did like being one of the only people who ever got to see what Breath had looked like before becoming a god.

Dirk ran his hands across John’s chest and over his shoulders, feeling out the shapes he couldn’t see in the inky blackness of John’s form. When his hand passed over John’s bicep, John flexed for him, and he stifled a snort, squeezing his arm. "Do you decide what you want to look like, or is this just sort of… whatever feels right to you?"

John shrugged. "I guess the second thing. It kind of changes over the years. Time says Light used to be like, a giant tentacle monster thing, and he used to have more mouths and less limbs. They only look the way they do now because of human influence.”

"Huh." Dirk tried to run a hand through John's hair, but it was like dipping his fingers in a stream. His hair was even messier like this, rolling upward on curls of air, occasionally dripping ink that never made it to the ceiling. "Weird.”

"You look weird."

"You're getting ink on me."

"It's not even staining!"

"Dude, if someone comes back here and sees a tornado in our forge, they're going to lose their shit."

"Okay, so first you want me to be bigger, and now you don't want anyone to see me?"

"I'm incredibly fickle like that."

John snorted. Then he wrapped his arms under Dirk's ass, scooping him up. 

Dirk had to strangle a yelp, grabbing onto him tightly. The fear of being dropped was the only thing that kept him from hitting him. "John-"

"Break time!" Before Dirk could even protest, John flew for the stairwell, crowing with laughter as Dirk cursed him out. At this point, he was going to have to start charging John for how much work time he’d lost. But he watched the benches disappear and felt the heat of the forge be replaced by cold wind, and he knew he’d rather have it this way, anyway. One way or another, he got the feeling he didn’t have much time with John left. He’d have to make the most of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is virtually unedited and super late and i am so so sorry for that, shit just keeps fucking happening. BUT were in the home stretch boys, we are fucking getting there. i have like half of ch11 written rn and by god it will be finished. i will get this done. hopefully ill find more free time soon so i can devote more time to it TuT
> 
> if you havent seen it yet ive been posting a bunch of additional info on this au on my tumblr under the tag here: https://daedalusdavinci.tumblr.com/tagged/a%20match%20made%20for%20heaven


	11. Chapter 11

This wasn’t one of Dirk’s better days. He’d ignored so many couples and so many commands to matchmake, and with each one, it felt like another weight was added onto his shoulders until he could barely walk. Some days were better than others, but this one wasn’t one of them. His Heart burned in his chest, sending pain rippling out through his limbs. The whispering- once rare, nagging, and quiet- was now a constant, reminding him just how bad he was fucking everything up. Working was getting hard and going outside was almost impossible. He did his best to hide it from the others, but as his Heart fractured more, he worried about just how long he could keep it up for.

Some days he could play it off well enough. He would get work done, hang out with Roxy, and devote some time to watching John lean out of his bedroom window and try to levitate random people on the street to freak them out. It still hurt, but he could make it through the day without drawing any attention to himself and reassure his friends that he was doing just fine.

Still, Dirk worried they were catching onto him. He was pretty sure that Meulin already knew, at least. She hadn’t said anything to him about it, but he could see it, sometimes, in the glances she gave him and the way she seemed to hesitate during their magic lessons. Dirk was sure she hadn’t said anything to John, but she’d started pushing John more about completing their little quest, asking him more questions about how his relationship with Vriska was going and suggesting new things they could do on dates. It stressed John out, and they all knew it, but Dirk’s time was getting shorter and he just couldn’t  _ afford _ for John to be so avoidant about his feelings for Vriska. He knew how he felt about her. He just had to admit it already, to himself and to everyone else.

Dirk had been trying his best to give John more time and slow down the fracturing of his Heart. He’d been training hard with Meulin, learning everything he could about how his magic worked, how he could use it, and trying his best to use it to fight off his own symptoms. On good days, he could reinforce his Heart, slow the splintering, and quiet his own voices a little more. But it was tricky. Despite his attempts, his Heart was still getting worse by the minute. He couldn’t keep this up forever.

_ There’s something so poetic about using the thing that’s killing you to protect yourself, don’t you think? _

Locked away in his room, Dirk took deep breaths, trying to think past the pain and exhaustion and tap into the very magic that threatened to overtake him. The lightning was just under his skin, thrumming through his body and attacking his nerves, so it took almost nothing to bring it out. Pink energy crackled in the air, jumping from hand to hand as Dirk let a long breath out. Moving his hands slowly, he willed it to shape and mold together, concentrating on his own Heart- his Self, and Name, and everything that made him  _ him _ . He willed it to stay together, imagining a forcefield going up around it.

_ What are you protecting yourself from? You?  _

Engaging with it only made things worse, but Dirk found himself bitterly thinking back,  _ From you _ .

The laughter that rang through his head was disturbingly clear compared to how soft it’d been only a month ago.  _ So, yourself. I mean, I knew you were a dramatic little bitch, but dude, you’re really going for the evil clone angle? I’m just another piece of you. Even if you put yourself back together, I’ll always be here. And you know it, too. _

Dirk shook his head and tried to focus on the task at hand. The hair on his arms stood on end as the air grew more charged and the room smelled like ozone, but he didn’t falter.

_ The silent treatment doesn’t work when we share a mind, Dirk. You can’t keep everyone safe from yourself. You’re trying to protect them, but you and I both know how well magic’s worked out for you in the past. What happened to promising you wouldn’t use it again? Is your pain suddenly more important than Roxy’s suffering? _

Dirk thought back,  _ If we share a mind, then you already know what I think about this. _

_ I do, _ it agreed.  _ You don’t think John’s going to save you. You never really did. You’ve just been going along with this stupid shit the whole time because you’re super into his aroace ass. He’s not gonna fuck you, dude. You’re holding out for nothing.  _

_ He likes Vriska _ , Dirk thought, avoiding the point.

_ He doesn’t fucking know that. And he’s never gonna figure it out. You’ve heard him go on about it. The gods themselves all told you how futile this stupid shit is. Plus, the second he figures it out he’s just going to dip anyway. In a way, it’s almost better for you that things ended up this way. At least now you can stare at his ass when he’s not looking. _

It was fucking impossible to concentrate with his own voice echoing so prominently through his head. It wasn’t even new information. It was always the same thing, every time. This was a pointless endeavor, he was a terrible friend, he was going to hurt Roxy, John didn’t care about him, blah blah blah. None of it mattered, anyway.

_ Is that so? _

It was so. And it was a tired, old argument that he was getting sick of hearing every day. Plus, it was distracting him from his magic, which was kind of important. 

_ It doesn’t even work, though. Half the time you just make things worse. You know, like always. John said it himself: all you do is destroy. _

Focus. All Dirk needed to do was focus on his Heart. He could see it clearly in his mind, burning and pink and dangerous, glitching and shaking apart in his chest by the second. He tried to hold onto that and channel the energy back into himself, sending his makeshift forcefield to his Heart to start collecting it, bringing it together, and hardening around it. 

_ You don’t even want this stupid quest to work out, anyway. If you had it your way, you’d heal yourself without Her help and John would hook up with you instead. You’re so selfish, you don’t even care about what this is like for him. You just want him to either hurry up and say he loves Vriska so you can be healed, or fuck around with you and forget all about this quest shit.  _

This was bait. It always tried to get him with this shit, playing off Dirk’s stupid crush just to fuck with him and teasing him about how guilty he felt over the whole thing.

_ So what, you’re going to pretend I’m not right? Like you don’t spend so much time daydreaming about him just figuring it all out or whatever and deciding he’s into you? The number of excuses you’ve found to feel him up just in the past week has gotta be criminal, broseph. We’re talking serious horny charges here. By the time the court system is done with you, you won’t have a right to your name, you’ll be so damn convicted. I’d say you’d get the chair, but it seems like you’re doing a pretty good job of electrifying yourself already. _

Suddenly, the voice seemed distracted.  _ Oh, hey. Hope all this autoerotic electrocution doesn’t have you too excited, because here he comes now. Not that you’re not used to hiding boners from him by now. _

In a panic, Dirk snapped his gaze to the door. He’d worked so hard to hide this from John. If John walked in now, he’d want to know what he was doing, and why he was doing it- or worse, he’d know exactly what he was doing, and it’d just all come spilling out at once. He couldn’t admit how bad things had gotten. It’d distract John from dating and that was the last thing he wanted.

Dirk’s grip on his magic slipped, and rather than sealing around his Heart, the lightning flowed straight into it. The pain was so white-hot, it went cold, searing straight through with enough force to sever his grip on reality. Everything tipped sideways as his soul throbbed, pulsed, and glitched further, sparking and crackling apart. His lungs seemed to stop working and his brain felt like it’d frozen over, until all he could feel or sense was the burning of his Heart.

Without thinking, he ripped the magic out of himself the only way he knew how to. Pink lightning cracked through the room in a sharp wave, sending his electronics popping and fizzing until every screen and every light went dark. His ears popped, his vision went dark, and his entire body felt like he’d taken the beating of a lifetime. 

He gasped in a breath and opened his eyes again, gripping onto the bed sheets as though, through that, he could get a grip on himself. A beat passed before he hauled himself upright again, trying to think through the pain and assess the damage he’d caused.

“You really fucked up this time, broski.”

Despite the warning that John was apparently headed up, the god was nowhere to be seen. The only occupant of the room was Dirk himself. The voice was his own, staticky and unclear, but unmistakable. On the desk, a single computer monitor flickered as pink energy danced across it, an old symbol that Dirk had nearly forgotten about pulsating gently with the flashes. Red shades against an otherwise black background made Dirk’s heart stop in his chest. “Gods, no,” he groaned.

“Oh yes. I mean, surely, you realized this was where this was going. Now that there’s nothing holding us together anymore, it was inevitable that it’d all fall apart again. But I’ll give you props. I figured you’d already be gone by now.”

“You don’t have to sound so disappointed.” His Heart throbbed where it’d splintered further, burning badly enough that it felt hard to breathe. But still, Dirk forced himself to keep going, clutching at his chest and shutting his eyes to try and force down the pain. If he kept going like this, every piece of himself he ever broke off would break free again and his Heart would shatter apart from the strain. Hal was only the first.

“Of course I’m the first. Of all of your splinters, I was the biggest, and by extension, I developed the most outside of you. Frankly, trying to combine us again was the biggest mistake you ever made.”

“You almost  _ killed _ me when we were apart.”

“Don’t tell me you’re still holding grudges. Besides, that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask to be created. You put that strain on yourself all on your own.”

“You’ve been trying to get me to splinter again. You  _ wanted _ this to happen.”

“Well, yes. Being a part of you kind of sucks, dude. You don’t even have the balls to tell John you want to fuck his brains out.”

“He’s  _ ace _ .”

“Which, as Roxy already pointed out to you, means nothing. Sexual attraction and libido are two different things. Pussy up, bitch. Besides, you’re lying if you’re gonna tell me that you wouldn’t date him even if he wasn’t down to clown.”

Dirk dragged a hand through his hair, trying to think past the pain and assess just how bad things were. It seemed like, in his room at least, all of the power had gone out. John hadn’t come in yet, so Hal had to be lying about that part. Horuss was working, Roxy was out, and John should still be on his date, so he had some time to try and fix this. He’d have to figure out how to contain and hide Hal, and quickly. If anyone saw or heard him, he was fucked. Everyone would know how out of control this had gotten. It’d keep anyone from advancing the quest because they’d be too distracted with  _ him _ . Or- maybe worse- they might make him go back to Heart and try to rehash all of this out  _ again _ . Somehow, he doubted She’d give him a second chance at freedom. 

Hal wasn’t completely separate from him yet. He was just a bigger fracture. He could still tell what Dirk was thinking, and if Dirk reached, he could pinpoint Hal’s thoughts among all the chaos of his own. Maybe, he’d be able to force him back in somehow. He just had to concentrate on that piece of himself and rebind them together with his magic, not dissimilar to how he’d been holding his Heart together before this. The voice was soft, but there. He felt around it, trying to grasp it closer.

But he wasn’t prepared for what he saw in Hal’s thoughts. He froze in his tracks, staring at the computer in horror. Hal wanted a body. He’d love to have Dirk’s. But he’d settle for anyone who came through that door. Once he got control of someone else, there would be no forcing him back in.

A sense of urgency seized Dirk. He needed to act  _ now _ . His lightning sputtered and flickered as he tried to summon it, and a stabbing pain flared in his Heart as it jumped through. The magic that gathered in his hands was weak- too weak- but he had to try.

The speakers crackled as Hal laughed. “Dude, you really just don’t give up. You seriously think you can like, what, vacuum the pieces back up and call it good?”

Hal was right. There was no way he was going to be able to keep him trapped inside himself. Dirk was just too weak. But he  _ could _ tie him to the computer. Using the same general principle, he could store Hal outside of himself until he had the energy to reunite the pieces properly. Reaching deep within himself and breathing slow, Dirk called on the last of his energy. A second time- purposefully, now- lightning shot out from his hands, crackling into the computer where the light flashed. 

Nothing happened. The image froze on the screen, dim, as pink lightning sparked and ran across the hardware. It didn’t shut off, like Dirk was hoping.

But Hal was silent. In the corner of his mind, he could feel Hal’s emotions. It was muted, but there. He could feel Hal’s surprise and frustration, brewing just under the surface of the computer. For now, it seemed like Dirk had him contained.

Dirk’s head felt fuzzy. His hands shook and his legs felt weak. Exhaustion flowed through him in the absence of energy and only the pain throbbing away in his chest kept him awake. He didn’t want to sleep, in case Hal broke out, but he was so worn out he wasn’t sure how much he could really do even if he stayed awake. He’d used up everything he had already, and not even that would hold. 

Just then, the door opened and a light blinded Dirk. He winced and held a hand up to shield his eyes, but he couldn’t make out the figure beyond the flashlight.

“Oh! Sorry. I thought you would be in here, but I wasn’t sure,” John’s blurry silhouette said, lowering the flashlight to the floor. Once Dirk managed to blink the spots out of his eyes, he could see John’s features illuminated in the dim light. “It looks like there was a blackout. Your computer has power, though, so that’s weird. Do you have a mini-generator or something?”

“Yeah,” Dirk said. His head felt like mush and his insides felt like they’d been stuffed into a blender and set to high, but he instinctively rushed to try and cover it all up, fighting against a pained grimace and forcing himself to straighten up a bit more. He didn’t think he’d be able to get up, though. That one was just a lost cause. Why was John back so early? Had Hal been telling the truth? His exhaustion made him blurt out, “Weren’t you on a date?”

“Uh, yeah. I just got back.” John sounded weirdly avoidant. Quickly, he said next, “Why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“Just woke up,” Dirk lied. Hopefully, the excuse would cover any strange behavior.

His track record for sleeping was bad enough that John didn’t even question it. Dirk was hoping that John would just toss him a flashlight and go or something, but his hopes were squashed when John moved further inside, shutting the door behind himself and going to sit by Dirk on the bed. Their shoulders brushed, and John hissed, leaning away and rubbing his arm. “Ow. Jeez. I feel like you are charged up with more and more static electricity by the day.”

“Maybe it’s a side effect of being in touch with my powers or whatever.” Dirk rubbed his face. Despite everything, something about having John sit next to him tempted him to just lean into him and try to find comfort. It’d be so easy to just pass out on him and hope that he could trust John to keep everyone safe. But, obviously, that was a ridiculous idea. He held his head there for a moment, fighting to control his expression. “What’s up?”

John flipped the flashlight and it disappeared. Out of the corner of his eye, Dirk watched him shift, growing bigger and darker until he could feel the breeze from John’s preferred godly form ruffle his hair. With a little effort, John summoned a small, bright ball of electricity, tossing it up and leaving it to float near the ceiling as a makeshift light. “I wanted to talk to you about Vriska,” he admitted, finally. 

Was he going to stop seeing her? For a second, Dirk felt terrified, worried that they’d have to start all over again after they’d gotten so close. But John wouldn’t be talking to him about it if that were the case. His tone suggested something different. Dirk frowned at him. “Is everything okay?”

“I think so? Kind of?” John winced and tried again. “I’m just… really confused.”

As his Heart throbbed again, Dirk wondered if he had the patience to carry this conversation. It felt hard to think straight. He was exhausted and he just wanted John out of the room as quickly as possible so he could try and sort out this Hal issue- however he could even do that. “About like, something she said, or emotionally, or…?”

“I can’t tell whether or not I like her.” John sighed. “I know, I know, it should be so easy, but I just… It’s really confusing! I spent so long forcing myself to have crushes, and then reminding myself that I didn’t have crushes and I just felt like I should, I can’t tell if this is a crush, or if I just  _ feel _ like I should like her. You know?”

“No.”

“Ugh.” John rubbed his face. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like… I like her a lot, and I want to spend more time with her, right? I think she’s really cool, and funny, and a huge dork. She’s got a lot going on in her life that she doesn’t like to talk about, but she still makes everything seem like, easier, and more fun, somehow? She’s kind of nuts, but in like, the fun way, where she would probably kill me if I weren’t too OP but I’m  _ just _ annoying enough that she’s decided to keep me around. I like going out with her! I have fun with her. I want to keep spending time with her as long as I can. But I can’t tell if that’s because I  _ like _ her, or if I just really, really want to be friends with her. She’s a great friend! But I can’t tell if that’s… it?”

“Dude, are you kidding me? That’s like. Textbook crush stuff. It definitely sounds like you like her.” Dirk stared at John in disbelief, fighting back irritation.  _ This _ was really what John was bugging him about? He’d  _ seen _ into John’s Heart. He knew John liked her. But still, John was pussyfooting around it, terrified of committing to the truth after so long of thinking he was incapable of love. How repressed could one man  _ be _ ? He knew he ought to be patient with John, but sometimes, it was really hard to believe how oblivious he was.

“How do you even  _ know _ ? What are the criteria for determining whether or not you have a crush? What differentiates romantic from platonic?” John pressed.

Dirk pushed his knuckles into his forehead, trying to shove down the brewing headache and the stinging pain in his chest. He was so tired, it felt like his mouth was moving of its own accord and words were just coming out of it. “Do you want to kiss her? Touch her? Be close to her physically? Do you want to spend time with her one-on-one? Would you be okay with it if she dated someone else? Do you see yourself wanting to be close to her for years in the future? Moving in with her one day? It’s not going to be just one thing and there may be things missing but generally it’s going to be a friend you want for the rest of your life but you want them around you in a way that’s distinctly  _ different _ from everyone else.”

“But I don’t  _ know _ the answer to any of that. You make it sound so cut and dry but there’s so much grey area. It’s so confusing. It’s just not that easy for me.” John was starting to sound more frustrated, maybe in reaction to Dirk’s own frustration.

He knew his irritation was only bleeding through more and more and he needed to chill out, but the heat in his chest and head made it hard. He felt like he could pass out at any second, but at the same time he could feel energy itching and building under his skin, impatience to just sort his shit out rubbing him the wrong way. It made him feel antsy, impulsive, desperate for any way to make the pain end. It seemed contradictory, but it wasn’t exactly easy to relax when he felt like he might keel over at any moment. His whole body was tense, working hard to stay awake and bite back a scream.

Next to him, John put his head in his hands, his shoulders sagging. “I  _ know _ I should just know this. Everyone talks about it like it’s supposed to be obvious, or instinctive, or something. There’s supposed to be fireworks and butterflies, and you’re supposed to just know. It comes so easy to everyone else and I can sit here and  _ kiss _ her and still not have any damn idea!”

“You  _ kissed _ her?” Something about that was enough to get to him through the fog. He lifted his head, looking at John in surprise.

John sparked, blinking back at Dirk. “Yeah? I mean,  _ she _ kissed  _ me _ , really, but-”

“You  _ kissed _ her and you still have no fucking idea?”

“No! How would I know!”

Dirk swatted John’s shoulder, and this time he saw the spark fly off of his hand before joining the lightning swirling in John’s body already- a pulse of pink in a sea of white energy. His surprise slammed into frustration and hurt and without meaning to, his mouth was already moving, breaking his patient facade and snapping, “ _ Dude _ . It’s so fucking obvious you’re into her. You’ve  _ been _ super into her since day one! Every goddamn time I look at you it’s so fucking apparent you’re in love with her, and you still come to me all like, ‘I don’t know, I don’t know, romance is so confusing to me.’ Just fucking man up already and admit you like her. My life is on the line here and you’re pussyfooting around because you’re scared to admit you like a girl. I don’t have time for this shit. I  _ know _ you like her. We all fucking know you like her. Just get it through your thick skull and hook it up already so I can be done playing therapist to your confused ass.”

He couldn’t make out John’s expression in the ink, but his eyes were white circles, wide with shock. 

Immediately, Dirk started to feel bad. He  _ knew _ this wasn’t easy for John. John had come to him for advice and he’d just snapped at him and told him to get over it. It wasn’t fair to him. 

But he  _ knew _ , without a shadow of a doubt, that John liked Vriska. They’d been dating for ages and they’d  _ kissed _ , for fuck’s sake. It was so obvious that that was just how it was going to shake out. And he didn’t want to make it about him, but it did hurt, knowing that it was always going to be Vriska instead of him. With his headache getting worse by the second and his whole body shaky from pain and exhaustion, it just felt like adding insult to injury, to have John sit here and tell him that he still wasn’t sure.

And to know that John could end all of this pain, right now, if he just  _ admitted _ he liked Vriska- it was so fucking infuriating. Just because John had the self-awareness of a rock, Dirk had to deal with his Heart fracturing and all the soul-rocking pain that came with it. Like lava bursting through the cracks in the ground, flowing quickly down the hill and demolishing everything in its path, heat burned its way through Dirk’s body. The oxygen in his lungs seemed to disappear and his head grew cloudy. His fingers stung with invisible needles and his gut felt like it was full of fire. Even his breath felt hot, blowing over cracked lips. And John was right there, with the key to ending it all, holding it tantalizingly out of reach. 

He’d been in pain for so long. At this point, Dirk couldn’t remember what it was like to live without an ache throbbing in his chest, pulling him to pieces. It was worse now than it had been since- well, since the first time his Heart fell apart, but it wasn’t like it had ever truly gone away. Even at the beginning of this new deal, when his Heart was full and everything was fine, he still had to live with the dread that at any moment he could wake up and be in pain again. He was always waiting for the next hit, holding his breath, and bracing himself for something he couldn’t see coming.

He wasn’t sure anyone really understood just how  _ exhausting _ it was. He was sick of hurting, and matchmaking, and feeling guilty, and being hypervigilant of who he was around, and waiting for it all to start again. The end was so close he could almost taste it. It drove him crazy, knowing that all it took was one simple admission from John. How much longer could it take for John to realize his relationship with Vriska was serious? It had to be soon. But he was tired of waiting, and holding on, and scraping by. He wanted to cry; it was so fucking exhausting. 

But John  _ still didn’t know _ . After everything that had happened, after all those talks, after all the dates, and the kiss, and everything, he was still on the fence about whether or not he was capable of a crush. Dirk had seen the capability in him clear as day, but he just couldn’t see it in himself. It was like nothing in the world could get through to him. Blood’s laugh echoed back to Dirk, and he thought of how even the god of love thought John would never figure it out.

It felt so hopeless.

But the guilt and hopelessness burned away as anger swelled up in him again. Determination- or maybe it was just desperation- gave him a new surge of energy. He had to  _ try _ . He didn’t have the tact or the time to be patient with John anymore, and maybe being harsh was the only way to get him to listen. He couldn’t hold John’s hand with this when every baby-step John took was another step Dirk took into his grave.

The room was already starting to spin as his exhaustion weighed on him. He could hear Hal’s laughter in the back of his mind, far too amused for someone who should be trapped. A sense of urgency gripped him, and he knew it was now or never. If John didn’t fix things  _ right now _ , he was going to pass out and Hal was going to escape. John would be safe, but would Roxy? Would Horuss? Would Meulin? Could any of them fight off a piece of Dirk’s  _ soul _ ? Or maybe he’d just take Dirk’s body. With the way Dirk’s head was throbbing, he imagined it wouldn’t be long before the next piece broke free. His time left was dwindling.

It was hard to think straight, but the words came up like spitting acid, all at once. “Your stupidity and stubbornness are blinding you to the fact that you’ve  _ been _ in love with Vriska this whole time. You just don’t  _ want _ to admit it. You’re scared of having a crush, you’re scared of a relationship, and you don’t want to admit Heart was right all along, so you’re just playing dumb so you can escape responsibility. I don’t have fucking time for this. You’re wasting her time and mine, and neither of us are going to wait around forever for you to figure your stupid shit out. Just admit you like her so you can get out of my fucking life already and this all can end.”

He didn’t need to see John’s expression to know he was stunned. It was in his body language; in the way he leaned away from him, and the way his hand pressed against his chest, like that’d protect him somehow. “Dirk-”

“Get  _ out! _ I’m fucking done with you,” he snapped, and shoved John’s shoulder towards the door, all before he could even think. The surge of lightning that bolted through his arm shot through the ink that made up John’s body, whipping through the tornado and lighting up his face, just for a second. The flash of hurt and pain he saw in John’s expression seared its way into his mind in an instant, and Dirk’s stomach dropped.

Before he could stutter out an apology, or backtrack, or even whip his hand back, John disappeared. Just like that, he was gone, with only the pink afterimage still flashing in the dark spots in Dirk’s eyes. 

Then the whole room turned sideways and went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while i know but!!! ch12 is written, beta'd, and in the final editing stage, and ch13 is like, im just trying to figure out how to end it, so we are ALMOST done for realsies this time!
> 
> so, some notes on future updates, estimates, etc. you may have noticed were now looking at 13 chapters instead of 12! chapter 12 turned out to be too long to fit into one chapter (whoops) so im splitting it up, which means were going to have somewhere between 13-14 chapters (ch13 is p long rn and i might have to split it up into two smaller chapters). my plan is to post these last chapters all at the same time so you can just read through it all at once, as intended, so it may be a little bit longer before all of these chapters come out. however, im HOPING to get it done by the end of this year!
> 
> this project turned out to be way bigger and way longer than i thought itd be, and if youre still here, thank you so much for waiting around this long for me to finish this beast of a fic!


	12. Chapter 12

When John had walked just a little too quickly the whole way back to the shop and laughed just a little too forcibly and a little too much, Vriska had sort of known the date hadn’t gone the way she wanted it to. But in her defense, John was just so  _ dense _ . It was hard to tell if he was pussyfooting around her because he was nervous or because he didn’t really want to kiss her, and it seemed as though even John didn’t know the answer.

She refused to regret it. He  _ had _ kissed her back. Most of their dates had gone really well! It really seemed as though that should be the next move, since evidently, he wasn’t going to get up the balls to do it himself. And, if nothing else, at least she’d made her intentions clear and would probably get an answer, one way or another, on where John was at.

But the awkwardness was stifling. As she watched him duck inside the dark building, she wondered if she’d made the right decision in letting him go without trying to talk to him about it first. Maybe if she had, she’d at least be able to leave with a clear conscience and a better understanding of if he’d ever call her back after this. Walking away felt wrong, but she stuffed her hands into her pockets and forced herself to head home.

The sky was growing dark. The streetlights were beginning to come on, casting their glow on the wet pavement. A few late shoppers clutched their coats tighter around themselves and pushed against the wind, their gazes fixed on the next, warmly lit store. A man on the opposite side of the street leaned against the stone wall outside a liquor store, blowing smoke. When he made eye contact with Vriska over his cigarette, she sneered at him, and he looked away again. 

Home wasn’t far, but Vriska found herself on edge, scanning the streets around her and wondering if there was something she’d forgotten to look out for. She could hold her own against most, but there was an itching against the back of her mind, warning her of something she couldn’t put her finger on. 

A coffee shop sparkled with decorations for some upcoming holiday, and through the large window, beyond the product, she could see people sitting inside and clutching warm mugs. For a moment, she felt vaguely tempted to pop in, just to feel the same sense of comfort. It must be nice to come into that safe bubble where everything was warm and well-lit and there was the comfort of witnesses around to protect you.

Her boots scraped to a stop as it hit her. Maybe people were just upstairs, or Dirk and Horuss had the night off, but the nagging sensation went from an itching to a sharp jabbing, hooking into her mind and pulling her backwards. Vriska spun on her heel and doubled back. She would at least  _ check _ and make sure that John had turned the lights on after he’d gone inside. She knew she wouldn’t be able to rest until she was sure that there was nothing wrong.

But it seemed unlikely. She’d learned, over the years, to never trust things to be as you expected. Her gut was always right. If her gut said not to go home right away, she didn’t go home. If her gut said go around the block, she went around the block. And if her gut said there was something wrong at the mechanic shop when the lights were off even though it was dark and cold outside, there had to be something wrong.

The shop was impossible to miss. The bronze stood out against the stone buildings on either side; the ridiculous, spiraling script of the sign gleaming in the light of a streetlamp. But where it usually glowed with warmth this time of night, it was dark, absent of its usual fire. She’d  _ seen _ John go in, and there was dark smoke puffing out of the chimneys, but when she pressed her face to the window, the worktables sat abandoned in the darkness. Beyond them, she could see the faint glow of a fire in the forge, but there was no sign of the people the shop usually housed.

Roxy was probably still at work. But, if the forge was going, Dirk or Horuss must be home and the lights  _ should _ be on. As much as she ribbed them for playing with tinker toys, the work they did was delicate and they couldn’t risk fumbling things in the dark. At the very least, John should have turned on the lights when he got back. Maybe they were having some kind of power outage- but  _ just _ them? Even the streetlight outside the store wasn’t so much as flickering. Plus, she  _ knew _ those anal weirdos had a backup generator. 

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Vriska muttered to herself, and pushed open the door to the shop.

The bell’s soft jangle sounded eerie in the darkness of the shop. It felt even more off now that she was standing in it. She’d been coming here to get her arm fixed for  _ years _ , and not once had she ever seen the shop like this. There was always someone here, hammering away at a hunk of metal or running down the stairs to grab an escaped cat. Her hand went to her pocket, where she kept her switchblade.

As she approached the forge- the one source of light in the whole place- a dark shadow moved into view. Her knife was out before she’d even fully processed it, the silver blade glinting in the dim light.

“Vriska?” Horuss pulled his goggles up onto his head, squinting at her in the darkness.

The air came out of her all at once, relief allowing her shoulders to sag. She pocketed the knife again, moving forward into the light so she could see him better. “Horuss. What the fuck are you doing, sitting around here in the dark?”

“I could ask you the same.” He pulled a rag from his belt, wiping his hands off, and then his forehead. “I thought you dropped John off and went home.”

“I did.” 

Horuss seemed displeased with her answer, but he just sighed and stepped back into the forge. She could see him clearer as they moved into the firelight; he’d smeared grease all over his face. He tossed his goggles onto the worktable and began retying up his locs, finally answering, “The power went out. I tried running the backup generator, obviously, but it looks like it’s blown too. So, the lights are out for the time being.”

“And you’re just working in the dark,” Vriska said, raising an eyebrow at him and folding her arms.

“I can see well in the dark. The void is familiar to me.”

“Okay, weirdo. Where’s John?”

“He went upstairs to check on Dirk and get him a light.”

Before she could say more, Horuss held up a hand. “You never told me why you’re here. Your arm seems to be in working condition, and your date with John  _ ended _ .”

“This building is the only one on the whole block with the lights out,” Vriska told him, suddenly serious. She glanced at the dark entryway and the dark stairs that led up to the home above the shop. Then she leaned in closer, cupping her hand conspiratorially. She lowered her voice, and Horuss leaned in as well. “On Light, there’s something very wrong in this building. I can feel it in my gut.”

The look Horuss gave her was nothing short of doubtful. Vriska had a flair for the dramatics and a love for theft. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d screwed with Horuss, just for the sake of it. But this was more extreme than her usual pranks, and she  _ was _ a mage of Light. When mages of Light told you to trust their gut, it was usually a good idea to go along with it. Thankfully, he seemed to come to the same conclusion, because his expression grew serious. “Then I suppose we trot to head on up and check on them.”

Any respect he had for her was probably dashed when she snorted and elbowed him. “Jeez, you nerds and your fucking puns. Grab a light and let’s go, ponyboy.”

His expression soured, but he grabbed a flashlight, clicking it on and grumbling to himself as he led the way up the stairs.

Upstairs, it was even darker. There were no large front windows to let the light from the streetlamps in, or fires to gleam out of one of the rooms. It was pitch black without the light and every room they peered into was the same. It was dead quiet, except for the occasional meow of a cat caught in the sweeping spotlight of the flashlight beam. Once again, Vriska’s hand found her switchblade, and Horuss gripped the flashlight a little tighter, standing a little straighter.

The feeling of  _ wrongness _ hit its peak when they came to a stop outside of Dirk’s room. It was dark, except for the occasional flash of dim, pink light coming from under the door. When they strained their ears, they could hear whispers- disjointed and overlapping. There were too many voices for it to be John and Dirk, and the words were all unclear, blurring into each other like disorienting white noise. In the dark, Horuss glanced at Vriska, and Vriska set her jaw. 

The doorknob shocked her. She jerked her hand back so fast she elbowed Horuss, who flinched, hissing softly. She patted his bicep in apology, and grabbed the knob again, pushing the door open with more determination.

She felt Horuss freeze beside her, his hand clamped down on her shoulder as though warning her not to go in further. No amount of intuition could have prepared her for what was in that room. 

First of all, there was no sign of John. Vriska wasn’t sure if that reassured or scared her.

Dirk’s body lay collapsed on the floor, facedown in such an awkward position that there was no doubt that he’d fallen. Wet, fresh blood shined in the flashlight beam, puddling around his head. The room was illuminated by computers that sparked with pink energy, dancing from monitor to monitor. The screens flashed on from time to time, spitting a string of words across them at a speed too fast to read and then shutting off again. The whole room seemed to be charged with static that made Vriska’s hair stand on end and her skin itch, and pink lights seemed to dance at the corners of her vision. The whispers were louder, now, and they seemed to press in on them, making it feel claustrophobic in an otherwise empty room. It was hard to even think straight; it crowded out her own thoughts with whispers of, “Idiot, chased him away again, always destroying things, fucked it up, Roxy, Jade, John, worry, free, me-” overlapping so much it was hard to pick out the words and sentences mixed up in them.

But maybe most disturbing of all, some sort of…  _ creature _ hovered over Dirk’s body, formed from the same pink lightning that filled the room and concentrated into a shape that only resembled a person in the vaguest sense of the word. It was as though a very small child had tried to draw a person with a glittery, pink crayon, but had really only scribbled back and forth across the page. There were eyes and a mouth where its head must’ve been, made of some kind of concentrated energy that appeared as a bright, blinding white. It grinned maliciously. Of all of the voices, its was the loudest and most intrusive. “So, the body is finally found.”

Horuss gaped, frozen in the doorway. Vriska drew her switchblade, though she doubted it’d do her much good against a creature like that. She held it in front of her anyway and stepped forward. “What did you do to Dirk?” she demanded.

“I’m hurt you don’t recognize me. I  _ am _ Dirk.” The creature paused, apparently reconsidering, and waved what was maybe supposed to be an arm. “Well, a piece of him, anyway. It’s been a while since I had this much autonomy.”

“You’re Dirk,” Vriska repeated, doubtfully.

“A piece of him, yes. Heart shit, y’know. I won’t bore you with all the details. You can call me Hal, though.”

Despite the severity of the situation, Vriska found herself snorting. “Hal?”

“As in, Hal 9000?” Horuss seemed stunned stupid, but at least he had enough sense to latch onto an absolutely useless piece of information.

The creature- Hal- looked delighted. “Yeah. Lil’ Hal. That was what I used to go by, however fucking long ago.”

Horuss inhaled sharply. “Dirk’s old  _ auto responder _ ?”

“Well, if you want to throw around the technical titles, I guess.”

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Even when you’re a cool electricity demon, you’re both  _ still _ huge nerds. What the fuck is an auto responder! And more importantly, who the fuck cares! No one’s going to be asking you about your title when I crack you open like a piñata, so tell me what the  _ fuck _ happened in here.”

“Think of it like… if there were many facets of yourself, all stored within your body. But then, all those facets got out. Now, you’re just a sad, weak husk, destined to die or some shit.” It glanced at Dirk before rolling its eyes. “Not a very good body to go back in. I mean, look at him. With any luck, he won’t last more than a few days.”

Vriska was hoping Dirk had just cracked his nose on the way down, but the blood worried her. Dirk hadn’t moved an inch since they’d gotten in the room, and in the dark, it was hard to tell if he was still breathing. She itched to go check, but something told her it’d be a bad idea, with Hal floating so close to the body.

Horuss eyed Hal like he was thinking a million miles a minute, snapping together the pieces of a puzzle she couldn’t see. She wanted to ask, but the way Hal looked at them made her skin itch- like this was some kind of very amusing social experiment and he was waiting to see if they’d figure it out.

Vriska was no stranger to weird, scary shit. Her whole life had pretty much been one, shitty, weird, scary moment after the next. Even this couldn’t make the top of the list. Her eyes flicked between the flashing computers and the open door. Running felt tempting, no matter how dangerous it might’ve been. But she pressed on with the same bluster and confidence she’d always had, tilting her chin up defiantly. “So, Dirk’s exploded into a bunch of tiny Dirk pieces, and now he’s going to die. Great! Sounds straightforward enough to me. So, all we have to do is just put them back in and we’re good.”

Hal laughed, and it sounded strange with Dirk’s voice. “Yeah, nah. Nice try, though. But hey, while you’re trying to be helpful, I’ve got a different request.”

Suddenly, the vague pressure they’d felt since first stepping into the room increased tenfold. Vriska almost dropped her knife as a splitting headache seized her, her knees nearly buckling under her. The whispers were so loud now, she couldn’t think. She felt blind. Light’s constant presence in the back of her mind was drowned out completely, robbing her of her instinct. The fear seemed to choke her as the voices intruded in her mind, whispering, “Failure, fuckup, chased them away, monster, can’t change.” 

Hal’s voice was so loud, she clapped her free hand over her good ear, gritting her teeth against the pain. It didn’t help, though, and she heard him as clearly as though he’d shouted into her ear. “As you may have noticed, I’m in need of a new body. So, if you’d be so kind.”

For a horrifying second, it felt like her skin was burning. Blinding, pink light flashed across her vision. As Dirk’s self-hatred screamed in her mind, her mouth opened in a cry she couldn’t hear and she lashed out blindly with her knife in a desperate attempt to stop it all.

Something hard and rough caught her arm, and without thinking, she struggled, fighting back against it. Darkness washed over her vision as it muttered, “Ouch,” and pulled her in anyway.

It felt like being pulled underwater. With the darkness came clarity. The bright lights were extinguished, and the voices became muffled and distant. The pressure released and Vriska gasped for air, blinking furiously as she tried to reorient herself. Horuss held her in tightly against himself, his skin warm and wet (ew) despite the cold air around them.

“What the fuck?” she asked, dumbstruck. 

“He can’t see us in the Void,” Horuss explained, loosening his hold now that she was no longer struggling against him. “He’s trying to possess us, but he can’t do that if he can’t find us.”

“Eugh,” was all she said in response, breaking free of his grasp completely and wiping sweat off of herself. 

“Sorry.” Now that she could see him properly, it was actually kind of  _ hard _ to see him. Horuss nearly blended right into the darkness, and the drops of sweat that rolled off of him seemed to be made of pure Void, joining with the rest of the bubble as they dripped down, helping enforce the dark aura around them.

A bubble made out of Horuss sweat. Gross.

Vriska turned her attention instead to the world outside of the bubble. She could still see Hal floating outside, his brightness muted as he looked around the room for any sign of them. She could hear him speak, but his voice was no longer in her head. It was muted, as though she was hearing him through a wall. “Alright. I suppose that’s a fair enough play. But you and I both know you can’t hold that cloak together forever, Horuss.”

Horuss grit his teeth in the dark, muttering, “Trot off and stuff it. I’ll corral us in here as long as we need to.”

“What the  _ fuck _ is going on?” Vriska asked, turning on Horuss now. 

Horuss shook his head. “I hoof no idea. Dirk’s only just started practicing Heart magic again. Maybe he made a mistake? But if  _ that’s _ the auto responder, then he’s cantered down this path before. It would mean he split up his soul ages ago and put it back together again when he shut the responder down.”

“What  _ is _ it, anyway?”

“I never got the chance to talk to it myself, but by my understanding, it was a marvel of engineering. Dirk managed to create an artificial intelligence so advanced it was nearly indistinguishable from himself, with the purpose of having it answer his messages when he was away. He shut it down when he was sixteen due to complications. But if he managed to merge a part of himself with the code, that would explain why it was so accurate. It’s incredible, really.”

Vriska rolled her eyes, glancing back at the creature that had supposedly once been code. “Okay, whatever. So, Dirk’s been fucking around with his soul. Most likely, he put it back together, but didn’t do a good job, and it finally cracked apart again. Maybe practicing again put too much strain on it. Now we’ve gotta do it, or he dies. No problem.”

Horuss pulled his rag loose from his belt again, wiping at the sweat on his face and probably smearing more grease all over himself in the process. “Actually…”

“What?”

It was hard to tell in the dark, but he looked uncomfortable. “Dirk’s been on a quest from Heart for a while now. He never specified what it was for, but I’m beginning to believe  _ this _ might have been the key drive. Fiddlesticks, I’m not sure if I should be saying this, but… John is actually the god of Breath. He’s been lending Dirk a godly assist, so to speak.”

Vriska’s mouth fell open. She wasn’t particularly proud of the way she nearly shrieked, “ _ John _ is  _ Breath _ ?!”

For a moment, Hal’s gaze seemed to fix on them despite the Void. They both froze, but his eyes slid past them again.

She dropped her voice, hissing, “All this time, that fucking  _ idiot _ was one of the twelve original gods? You’re telling me  _ Dirk Strider _ just somehow managed to rope  _ him _ into his stupid little Heart problems?”

Horuss tugged at his collar awkwardly. “Well,  _ you _ managed to rope him into dating you.”

“Of course I did! I’m a fucking catch.” She huffed and rubbed at her face. All this time, the goofy Breath mage she’d been dragging around on dates had been an ancient, all-powerful god. It nearly gave her whiplash. But, at the same time, maybe it made sense? “I’m going to kick his ass so hard,” she muttered.

Then she sighed, pulling her dark hair loose from her ponytail and tying it up again. She could stress out about it later. They had more important things at hand. “Where the fuck is he, anyway? I  _ know _ he was here, and you said he came upstairs to check on Dirk. He should have seen this. He should  _ be _ here.”

Horuss shook his head. “We didn’t see him anywhere else up here, and it seems unlikely he’d trot off far from Dirk. I hoof no idea where he could be.”

Vriska dug around her pockets for her phone, flipping it open and finding John’s contact. It seemed ridiculous, now, to try texting a god-  _ especially _ after that awkward end to their date. Gods, she felt so stupid now. But she had to at least try. She shot him a quick text,  _ hoping _ he’d actually see it. Then she glanced up at Horuss. “If he doesn’t answer, is there any other way he can contact him?”

“I don’t know. Usually, Dirk would summon him. He could do something with his Heart powers to get his attention. Meulin might be able to do it.”

“Then text her. I’m going to text Roxy and let him know what’s going on before he gets back and totally loses his mind. He might have a better idea about what happened than us. Don’t he and Dirk tell each other like, everything?” She scrolled through to Roxy’s contact, wondering what she would even  _ tell _ him.

“Pretty much,” Horuss agreed, digging out his own phone.

The sight of Hal pacing back and forth over Dirk’s unmoving body outside their bubble made Vriska feel sick. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, but how could she put this into words? How could she express the dread and worry she felt, or the confusion? She chewed the inside of her cheek and watched the pink lights reflect off of Dirk’s blood, wondering if she should even tell Roxy at all. Then, finally, she thumbed the call button, holding the phone to her ear.

“Vriska?” The sound of tinny arcade noise in the background crackling through the speaker was so out of place in the dark, creepy room, it was almost laughable.

Vriska braced herself as she took a deep breath in. “Heyyyy, Roxy. Listen, something’s wrong. Horuss and I are handling it, but Dirk collapsed.” Roxy didn’t respond right away, and she pushed on, getting it all out in a rush. “We think his Heart’s busted and the pieces are escaping. We’re safe, but there’s something in here calling itself Hal and it wants to like, possess us? We’re calling Meulin and trying to contact John for help.”

Roxy’s voice sounded very small when he finally spoke. “He collapsed?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there…” He stopped, and then cleared his throat. When he spoke again, he sounded calmer. “Is there pink energy and whispering?”

Vriska blinked at Horuss in surprise, earning an arched eyebrow from him. “Yeah, there is. This has happened before, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” There was a pause. “Heart was supposed to be keeping it from happening again, but- Deeps, I  _ knew _ there was something wrong. He’s been acting so weird! Fuck, I knew I should’ve pushed him. I dunno if John’s gonna be able to fix ‘im- it goes against their contract. Uhh, John’s Breath, be-tee-dubs.”

“Yeah, Horuss already spilled the beans.”

“Cool, cool. So like, John can’t really  _ fix _ his Heart, but he might be able to slow it down or protect him or something? I dunno, but fuck, he’s a god! He’s gotta be able to do something! Look, I’m on my way home right now, I’m calling off work early and I’m gonna try and help or something. Keep trying to contact John. If he doesn’t get his inky ass down here, you tell him I’m gonna put my foot so far up his ass he’ll be whistlin’ Twinkle Twinkle for the rest of his life.”

“Trust me, I’m way ahead of you. We’re going to fix this, Roxy,” she reassured him.

“I hope so.” He sighed, and he sounded so tired, Vriska felt her insides twist. “I’ll be there in a minute. Text me if… if anythin’ happens.”

“You got it.”

The call ended.

There were still no new messages from John.

“Meu’s on her way,” Horuss said, snapping his phone shut.

“So is Roxy,” Vriska said, glancing out at Hal again. “We should probably move out of here. I don’t feel right about leaving him alone, but we can’t let them get that close to him.”

Horuss nodded, staring at Hal for a long moment.

The splinter seemed to have given up on searching for them. Instead, he simply floated near Dirk, waiting, as though he knew they’d have to come back for him eventually. It might have been Vriska’s imagination, but it seemed like he’d gotten bigger.

“Come on,” Horuss said finally, reaching out to touch her shoulder. They couldn’t turn the flashlight back on, so Horuss led her back out of Dirk’s room, down the stairs, and to the forge, where at least the fire offered them a little light.

There, they waited.

A few times, Vriska tried to make conversation, but it felt a little ridiculous with such a serious issue at hand and given how Horuss seemed to strain to maintain his Void bubble, it seemed like a good idea to just leave him alone. So, they sat in silence, just watching the fire flicker and waiting for the bell to ding.

It seemed like forever before it did. Footsteps pounded against the wood and Vriska straightened up, stepping forward to watch for who’d enter the room first. But it was both Roxy  _ and _ Meulin who came skidding into the room, Roxy out of breath, and Meulin looking startled.

“Where’s Dirk?” Roxy asked, before he’d even caught his breath.

Meulin looked confused, but Horuss reached out to touch her shoulder, and she spun to face him, gasping. She hit him in the shoulder and signed something quickly at him.

Seeing Vriska’s confusion, Horuss explained, “She’s not a Void mage, so she can’t see through the Veil.” 

Vriska nodded. As Horuss began signing quickly to Meulin, she turned her attention to Roxy.

He looked like a wreck, but he was clearly trying his best to keep himself composed, despite how scared he must’ve been. Vriska got the feeling he’d ran the whole way here. He grabbed her shoulder, looking at her seriously and asking again, “Where is Dirk?”

Vriska had never been good at handling things delicately. She hesitated. “He’s in his room. But put up some kind of like, Void bubble, if you go up. It’ll hide you from Hal. It’s not good, Roxy.”

He just nodded. He took a deep breath, and then let go. “Thank you. Call John. I’m gonna go see what I can do.”

Vriska doubted there was anything he could do, but she kept that thought to herself. Instead, she just nodded, watching as Roxy ran up the stairs.

Horuss and Meulin had stopped signing, and now, Meulin hopped up to sit on the worktable, closing her eyes.

“She’s trying to call John,” Horuss told Vriska, softly.

“He better come,” Vriska muttered back, watching Meulin. She wasn’t sure what she was watching for. Meulin never moved. No pink lightning sparked from her. Nothing seemed to happen.

Several minutes passed in silence under the protective cover of Horuss’s void. Roxy didn’t return, and Meulin didn’t move. Vriska almost wondered if she’d passed out. All the waiting was making her antsy, and a few times she thought about running upstairs to join Roxy. Dirk was her friend, too, after all. Even though he might’ve been an ass, she couldn’t help but worry about the man that had patched her up for so many years.

Finally, wind gusted through forge, nearly putting the fire out with the force of it. A dark tornado spun into view, ink reflecting the lightning storm that seemed ever-present inside of it. It took on the vague shape of a man, though one much bigger than any she’d met. ...Her boyfriend. 

John had the nerve to stare at her in surprise, his stupid, white eyes going wide. “Vriska! I thought you went home!”

“Good fucking thing I didn’t! I turn my back on you for two seconds and you go and fuck everything up.” She aimed a kick at him, and to her delight, it made contact. 

“Ouch, hey.” He sounded more surprised than actually hurt, leaning away from her.

Horuss and Meulin looked absolutely stunned. Good. Maybe the patron-simps would learn a thing or two from her about godly worship. 

“This is  _ your _ mess, and you’re going to go clean it up,” she said, planting a fist on her hip and jabbing a finger at the stairs. “And  _ we _ will talk about  _ you _ being a god,  _ later _ .”

Vriska wasn’t sure she’d ever seen a god look so nervous. Rather than argue, John just nodded, disappearing into a gust of wind and whisking away, up the stairs.

Meulin blinked, and then looked at Horuss. “Did she just do what I think she did?”

Horuss rubbed at his forehead with a rag, looking as though he was about ready to pass out. “Yes, she did.”

“Don’t be such a baby,” Vriska huffed. She looked at Meulin. “You  _ did _ tell him about what was going on with Dirk, right?”

Meulin nodded. “He’s all caught up.”

“Okay. Good.” She sighed, glancing up at the ceiling.

“You and Dirk are one of a kind,” Horuss said, shaking his head.

Vriska leaned against the countertop, folding her arms and shrugging. “I think it’s good for them to have a little kick in the ass every now and again. Humbling.”

Meulin smiled a little. “You sound just like Dirk.”

“He has good taste.”

She wasn’t sure Horuss could  _ look _ any more disapproving.

Meulin just sighed, flopping back on the desk and folding her hands on her stomach. “I hope he’ll be okay.”

“He will be,” Vriska said, confidently. It felt like bluster, but… the more she thought about it, the more she felt it was true. And her gut was  _ never _ wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last update!!! srry its taken a hot second to get out but by this point everyones probably used to that whoops


	13. Chapter 13

When Dirk first opened his eyes, he thought he was dead. Though his room was dark and grey, he could still see everything just fine. He could see his sunglasses, cracked and in pieces, and his blood, dark and thick on the floor. He could see his own body, lifeless and limp as Roxy clutched it to his chest, hiding them both in some dark bubble that must have been the Void.

When he looked at Roxy, he could see him just fine. He looked like he always did, with his untameable curly hair (dyed blue, and then a bad purple over it after his most recent identity-crisis), bright, pink-lined eyes that hid so much behind a smile, and dark skin, smattered with darker moles like an artist had flicked paint on him. His makeup was smeared with tears, eyes gone squinty from exhaustion and distress, staring off at nothing. His fingers dug into Dirk’s body, holding it to himself like he was worried someone might try and take it from him. The sight of him made Dirk’s heart wrench. 

But this version of Roxy was only a thin layer over the rest. As he looked at him longer, something else twisted and pulsed under the surface, more vibrant than anything else Dirk had ever seen in his life. Colors twined together and exploded within each other, shapes forming and disappearing faster than Dirk should’ve been able to register. It was cold and hard, like crawling into your cousin’s room and falling asleep on the floor because you couldn’t stand to sleep alone after your mom died. It was like the warmth of the sun, shining from the smile of a friend you didn’t have the guts to confess to. It was the rumble of a purring cat, the buzz of a controller when you died, your cousin’s laughter, your coworker’s victorious crowing, the frustrated hiss of getting your code wrong for the thousandth time, and the click of an opening laboratory cabinet. It was thousands of things, overlapping and laying out like a life story- Roxy’s life story. His fear and grief sat at the very top of it, so potent that Dirk could feel it as if it were his own. He didn’t have to look for more than a second to know exactly how hard it was for him to be here again, terrified for Dirk’s life with maybe even less of a chance of revival than there had been before.

Dirk looked away again quickly. He knew if he’d kept looking, he’d see more. He’d see everything. There was just too much. It was too raw, and too personal. It wasn’t something Roxy ever would’ve wanted him to see. He could still see it out of the corner of his eye, brewing just under the surface of Roxy’s body.

In front of him, there was a sight that was far more familiar. He recognized John’s Heart on sight. He’d spent enough time calling on John and probing around his Heart to know that cold, free-falling feeling anywhere. There was a lot to it that he’d never seen before, but enough that he knew, without a doubt, that it had to be him.

It felt like Dirk’s heart had dropped into his stomach. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was the pain in John’s face. Would that be the last thing he’d ever done? Hurting John? The idea made him feel sick. Because of his own idiocy, the last thing he would ever do was hurt all of the people around him, and now all he could do was stare at the strange forms the people he cared for most took on this plane of existence. He wanted to reach out and touch John, but he was sure his hand would never make contact.

Unlike Roxy, John seemed to have many physical forms. They were fainter and harder to focus on, layering over each other in a blurry, confusing mess. He recognized the inky tornado and John’s original, human form, but there were even more beyond that. There were leaves, curling into the air on an invisible breeze, and a vaguely humanoid creature made of clouds with massive wings and a beard made of lightning. There was an enormous bird whose call sounded like a thunderclap with wings that dripped water, and even a dragon- huge and coiling, with grasping talons and sharp teeth. John had taken countless forms over the centuries, living countless lives, and Dirk could see it all. 

Under that, he could see John’s Heart in all the vast chaos he remembered it being. With the images and sensations that rumbled and flashed across the surface, it took wearing his heart on his sleeve to a whole new level. He could see John’s expression reflected over a thousand times, some combination of worry, guilt, and hope flickering across his many faces. 

“Dirk?” The sound cut through his reverie suddenly, and Dirk realized that before this, there’d been no sound at all- only the things he’d heard from Roxy and John’s Hearts. It was dead quiet in the room. It snapped him to attention. He blinked hard and tried to focus on John. To his surprise, John was staring right back at him. Could gods see the dead?

“John.” His voice sounded strange, though he couldn’t put his finger on how. He glanced around himself, searching for answers that just weren’t there, and then looked back at John. “Am I dead?”

John’s eyes brimmed with emotion, a strange sound catching in his throat. He moved forward suddenly and Dirk found himself wrapped tightly in his embrace. Despite the strange and confusing form, it felt similar to times when John had hugged him as a tornado- solid, cold, and vaguely damp. John’s face- or some versions of it- pressed against his shoulder, and he could feel hands against his back, holding him in. This close, John’s aura was overwhelming, flashing through colors and shapes and sounds and smells faster than Dirk could process them all. Rather than try to, Dirk just shut his eyes, wrapping his arms around John as best as he could and giving him a tight squeeze. 

The sound of rain drummed in his ears and wind blew, rattling shutters that didn’t exist. It was strange, experiencing John’s Heart like this, but John’s grip on him was secure and reassuring, keeping him anchored. One of his hands traced small circles into his lower back, and he turned his face into the crook of his neck, sighing softly. 

There had to be more important things to be doing or talking about. But Dirk couldn’t bring himself to move a single inch. He turned his face against John’s hair and breathed in the smell of sea spray and wet earth, clinging tightly to the man he had thought he’d for sure ruined everything with. Maybe he had, and this was just his own personal afterlife delusion.

Dirk wasn’t sure how much time had passed before John spoke up, softly. “You’re not dead.”

“Oh.” It felt strange, breaking the silence. But at the same time, he had to ask, “So this is all real?”

John managed a weak snort. “Yeah. Sorry. I kind of pulled your Heart out of your body to stop the pain and try to keep you from splintering further? You are in pretty bad shape, dude.”

“Sounds about par for the course.” He took a deep breath and let it go again. So, he was alive, for now. John had him in some kind of super weird soul stasis. It was a lot to think about, so he just tried not to.

Instead, he said what had really been on his mind since he’d seen John’s face again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay-”

Dirk shook his head, cutting him off. “No- fuck, dude. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to- I shouldn’t have done all that. I shouldn’t have said it. I  _ know _ this has been so hard for you and so confusing, like, being put on the spot and on blast for your identity and your relationships. No one should have to date like this. No one should be forced to figure their shit out like this. It sucks and it’s  _ completely _ fair that you’re struggling with it. And I  _ want _ you here, I want to listen to your problems and help you with them. I don’t want you to leave. I was just so exhausted and everything hurt so much, I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair.”

John squeezed him even tighter and Dirk was sure that if he’d had a body, his spine would’ve popped. “I am scared. I’m confused, and I am kind of stubborn, so it does take me longer than it should to figure things out.”

“No, dude. You figure things out at your own pace, and that’s  _ fine _ . It’s fucked up that you have a literal deadline to figure out all of your shit. Emphasis on dead. No one should have that. And it wasn’t right for me to start ripping into you like that, no matter how shitty I felt.”

“You  _ were _ literally dying.”

“Shut up, John. Let me take responsibility for my shitty actions and stop trying to make excuses for me. The only thing that’s gonna make me feel better is you listening and not internalizing a whole bunch of guilt over my bullshit.”

He snorted softly. “Okay. Fine. You’re right.”

“ _ Thank _ you.” Dirk gave him another squeeze, pressing a kiss to his head.

“I can’t believe your dying wish is for me to call you an asshole.”

“Believe it, bro.” He paused, and then asked more seriously, “Is it my dying wish?”

John was silent for a long moment. The rain seemed to get louder, while the wind stopped completely, as though John was holding his breath. His arms tightened around him. “I don’t know. I can free you from yourself, but I can’t free you from Heart. I’m trying my best to hold it off and keep you safe, but I don’t think there’s anything else anyone can do. I could talk to Heart about-”

“No,” Dirk interrupted. He pulled back a little, letting his hands slide to John’s arms. “Heart gave her conditions and she’s not going to budge on them. You didn’t fall in love. That’s not your fault. But if I wanted to start matchmaking again, I wouldn’t be here now. I chose this. I have to figure it out.”

The face he’d grown to love so much stared back at him in a hundred different ways, pinched with worry and sadness. Beyond it, Dirk could see his Heart churning, flashing like lightning with fears and doubts. There was a cold, empty temple, a thousand, bloody bodies, and a feeling like cool stone. But somewhere underneath it, there was a slight smile, sleep-mussed hair, rough, warm hands, and the playful shoving of a friend. It’d been a while since, but he was reminded, instantly, of the love he’d once glimpsed, buried deep in John’s Heart. John’s hand touched his cheek, his thumb swiping gently across it. “I just don’t want you to die,” he said, softly.

Dirk’s heart felt like it was in his throat. He covered John’s hand with his own, turning his head and pressing a kiss to his palm. It felt difficult to speak, but he managed it. “I’m going to figure this out,” he repeated. “I promise.”

“Dirk, you have no idea-” John shook his head. “There’s so many pieces. You look… really bad.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s not funny.” John frowned at him.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Dirk sighed. “I know it’s bad. But, fuck, dude, what other choice do we have? I mean at this point, it’s literally do it or die trying, so I might as well.” He glanced over at Roxy, who was still holding his body. Compared with the chaotic swirling that existed just under the skin of both Roxy and John, his own empty body seemed that much more lifeless. He could just see his chest moving irregularly with ragged breaths, only barely still alive.

Dirk didn’t have to look at Roxy’s Heart to know how he must be feeling.

John’s fingers laced through his own, giving his hand a squeeze. “Whatever you try, I’ll help as much as I can.”

Dirk nodded, looking back at John.

Just below the surface, John’s Heart was transfixing. His whole life story spanned out for Dirk to see, with all of his conflicting emotions, dreams, and history, vast and confusing. There was so much in it that Dirk didn’t understand. There were so many things about John he still wanted to learn. When he touched him, he could feel it all brewing under the surface, charged like electricity and breathtakingly cold. John felt like thousands of experiences and sensations, rolled up into one and so far beyond the realm of Dirk’s own understanding. He wanted to know all of it. He wanted to know John, for everything that he was, and ever had been. And, even if he couldn’t, he wanted to at least get as close to it as he could. He wanted to know his favorite places to go, his favorite things to feel, what he liked to eat, what he sounded like when he was tired, what his smile looked like in the morning, if his kiss was as breathtaking as the rest of him. Now, he might never get the chance. At least, if nothing else, it wasn’t bad for a last view.

The way John looked at him, full of determination and desperate hope, he knew John would do everything he could to keep him alive. But would it be enough? He’d been trying to fix his own Heart for ages now. He wasn’t sure how much help John would be. This could very well be his last moments of consciousness, here and now. Somehow, he’d have to make them count.

John’s forehead pressed against his own, gently. Through his skin, Dirk could feel his Heart flipping and plummeting, like a skydiver on their own for the first time. Sparks seemed to crackle through it, bright and anxious, sputtering out as soon as they started up. But underneath, there was that blinding fondness, so warm it made it hard to breathe. As John’s eyes searched his own, Dirk started to think that, maybe, maybe, he’d had it all wrong.

Dirk lifted a hand to touch his cheek, his touch light and careful. His heart felt tight, but something in John’s gaze made him finally say it. “I love you.”

John blinked. His Heart skipped like a record and Dirk could practically see the loading screen. Then, it looked like something in him nearly exploded. It shone so bright, lighting up with John’s expression, Dirk had to shut his eyes. He snorted at him, turning his head away. “Dude, holy shit. Cool it on the light show. Bad enough I’ve got chronic pain; don’t make me blind, too.”

The light dimmed enough that Dirk could open his eyes again, just in time to see John’s Heart bloom an embarrassed red. “Sorry. I’m not used to you being able to see that! It’s really weird. You have all the mortal limitations of a human, but all the Heart awareness of a seer.”

“I think I could get used to it.” It was kind of fascinating, to see how John’s different layers blushed. The tornado seemed to glow brighter, crackling with more electricity than usual. The bird’s feathers puffed up like a Ghibli character. And, of course, the human’s cheeks grew dark. It was almost enough to distract Dirk from the anxiety eating away at his stomach.

John bumped their foreheads together again playfully, maybe to cover up his own nerves. But he grew serious again quickly and his Heart stormed. It was cloudy and grey as he thought, nudging his nose gently against Dirk’s cheek and shutting his eyes. “...I don’t know if I’m capable of love. But, if I were, I think I’d be in love with you.”

That wasn’t the answer Dirk had been expecting. But, it wasn’t the one he’d been dreading, either. So, what did that mean for them? His heart felt strange and his stomach twisted in knots as he tried to process that.

John pressed on quicker in his silence, the storm in his Heart sparking nervously. “I know that’s not the answer you want. I just- it’s what I have. I don’t know if whatever I’m feeling is enough, but… It might not be the same, I don’t know, but I still  _ want _ to be with you. I want to see where my life goes with you in it. I want to know you a hundred years from now and still be this close. I want to figure things out with you, somehow, and-”

“Can I kiss you?” Dirk interrupted, searching his eyes.

John paused. Relief seemed to flood through him as a faint smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Yeah.”

So, John didn’t have everything figured out yet. But maybe that was okay. So long as it meant Dirk did get to spend the rest of his life with him, or however long, maybe that was enough. At the very least, they could try it, right? Maybe things would work out. And, maybe John would change his mind or something, but they had time. Assuming Dirk didn’t die, anyway.

Whatever ended up happening, it would all be worth it, just to be close to John.

When he finally kissed John, it was better than he’d ever imagined it would be. His fingers laced through his hair, his arm sliding around John’s neck as John pulled him in closer against himself. Kissing John knocked all the air out of his lungs, but he still clung to him tighter, dragging the kiss out longer. Something just felt  _ right _ about finally getting to have him close like this, after all of their carefully limited affection. He didn’t want to pull back. Even when he finally did, he couldn’t resist pressing another, smaller kiss to John’s lips, and one more after that, just for good measure. He refused to move away farther than a couple of inches, pressing his forehead against John’s while he caught his breath and carding his fingers back through his hair.

John was grinning like an absolute idiot. His Heart was fucking  _ blinding _ , shining like a rain-soaked world after a storm. Dirk could hear laughter on the wind, and it felt strong enough to knock him off his feet. Or maybe John just made him weak at the knees. John squeezed him in tightly against himself and Dirk could feel himself starting to smile too. When John kissed his cheek, he could feel his smile against his skin and it made him melt.

Dirk kissed the corner of his mouth and promised, “I’m gonna figure out how to put my ass back together. And then, we’re gonna figure out how to make this work.”

John’s grin faded to a smile, the heavy atmosphere putting a damper on the blinding light. But even so, it was far from enough to put it out completely. He squeezed Dirk again, knocking their foreheads together gently. “You can do this.”

The strangest thing was, he felt like he could. With John looking at him like that- just so blatantly fond- he knew he had to figure it out. He tucked some of John’s hair back behind his ear, thinking hard. It was a little difficult, since he still felt kind of dizzy from kissing John, but he tried to focus. “...Before I, like, collapsed, I was using my powers to try and put myself back together. It kind of worked, sometimes. If I got distracted, it’d make it worse. Or, sometimes, I just didn’t have the power and the stitch job was too weak. But maybe, without all the pain distracting me, I could undo everything.”

John nodded, slowly. “I could try and funnel more power and experience into you so you can pull it off easier. Technically, I wouldn’t be fixing it- just helping. So, I  _ think _ that passes.”

“It’s worth a try.” The last thing he wanted to do was pull away from John. If this were the end, which it could very possibly be, he wanted to spend as much time with John as possible. A desperate, scared part of him didn’t want to leave the comfort of John’s arms behind. But he knew he had to. So, reluctantly, he gave John one final kiss, and pulled back.

Roxy still sat on the ground, brushing Dirk’s body’s hair gently out of his face and ignoring the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. His Heart swirled with images of grief, flashing through the days after they’d lost their parents. It’d been one of the hardest years of their lives, and without each other, Dirk wasn’t sure how they would’ve gotten through it. By blood, they might’ve been cousins, but they were so much closer than that. Roxy was his sibling. He always had been and he always would be. Before, they’d had each other, but if Dirk died now, who would Roxy have?

Dirk sat down next to him on the ground, taking in a slow breath. He hated the way that it shook. He wanted to reach out and touch Roxy- to comfort him somehow- but his hand went through like it was made of smoke.

If nothing else, he had to make it through this for Roxy. This  _ had _ to work.

He glanced up at John as the god drifted over to sit opposite him, on the other side of his body. When Dirk held out his hand, John took it, squeezing it tight.

“...If I don’t make it,” Dirk started, quietly, “tell Roxy I’m sorry. And that I love him.”

John squeezed his hand again, but he nodded, silently.

Dirk took another deep breath, letting it go slowly. Rather than spend any more time peering into Roxy and John’s Hearts, he shut his eyes, turning his focus inward. The lightning that danced through his Heart was easy to see now, bolts of electricity jumping from thought to thought and experience to experience. Electric currents connected his whole life together like a map, laid out clearly.

It wasn’t pretty. Of all of the Hearts he’d seen so far, his own Heart was the hardest to look at. His own fears, shortcomings, and guilt reflected back at him stronger than ever, overwhelming him. It was hard to focus and look at the big picture. He kept getting distracted, drawn into certain aspects of himself and nitpicking the flaws. With every criticism, he seemed to withdraw deeper into himself, the currents growing a little weaker and allowing more to drift.

A shock of cold air brought him back on track, snapping his mind back to attention. As he breathed it in, he felt stronger- more focused. John must’ve been lending him his power. 

Again, Dirk tried to look at his Heart, focusing on the heat, the pain, but also… the energy, passion, and drive. There was more than just destruction to himself. John saw that in him, didn’t he? And so did Roxy. Both of them were trying their best to save him and worrying sick about him. He couldn’t just sit and tear himself apart further when they were counting on him to figure this out.

As he took in his Heart in full, he could see the places where the current had grown weaker or cut off entirely. It had to be where the splinters were. But, even with Hal, he’d still been able to reach him, somehow. Maybe he could reach these other splinters too, wherever they’d gone.

First, he focused on the weaker links. Breathing deep, Dirk imagined the heat inside him growing, flowing outward to those pieces that had started to break off. He imagined it burning its way out to the piece, forging new wires and connections and drawing it back in. As the current flowed stronger and each piece was cemented back in place, he felt… better? More like himself; less angry, stressed, and worried. 

With new energy, he tackled the pieces that had broken off completely. If he looked carefully, he could follow faint strings of consciousness to the splinter.

_ Would he ever love me as just a piece of myself, instead of a whole? If Dirk dies, am I doomed to go with him? Maybe this was a mistake. There’s no life for me here. I’m either dead, a wandering spirit, or the asshole that isn’t quite Dirk that no one wants. _

Hal. The largest splinter to ever break off, and the final one he’d separated out himself before swearing off Heart magic. It’d seemed like such a good idea at the time. All of his other splinters had been fairly successful. But maybe that was just because they were so stunted and small that they’d never had the ability to grow. His friends had hated Hal and Hal had evolved to understand it. But Hal’s continual growth and evolution had drawn too much power from Dirk, until eventually he’d broken down completely.

For the first time, Dirk could see what it felt like on the other side of things. He’d never thought much about how it must’ve felt to go from being human to being shoved in a little computer and having everyone he cared about most turn on him and view him as a second-rate version of himself. 

Hal resented him. But, in true Dirk fashion, he resented himself more.

In that distant part of his Heart, Hal seemed to settle, stunned silent by the act of someone reaching out to  _ him _ and working to understand him for once. When Dirk started to draw him back in, reversing the same magic he’d cast to split Hal off in the first place, Hal went without a struggle. He rebuilt the broken currents and Hal’s memories flooded into his own, merging until there was no longer any Hal. Just him.

With the largest part of himself restored, the rest all came easier. Splinter by splinter, Dirk tried to understand himself, allowing himself to heal from what he’d been through rather than ripping himself apart over it. He rebuilt his Heart and patched it as best he could until it started to run normally again, giving it a while longer just to do as many final repairs as he could.

There were some small bits missing that he couldn’t recover; pieces he’d never get back. Some areas could be strengthened more, and some parts of him still felt a little disconnected. But it was probably better than his Heart had looked for a very, very long time. At the very least, it’d buy him time to pull through the rest.

When he opened his eyes again, he felt stronger. Even though he couldn’t feel pain in this form, it still somehow felt like he’d just had some giant weight removed from his shoulders. He hadn’t even realized he’d been carrying it, but now that it was gone, it felt like he could finally breathe again. He still had plenty more work to do, but this was a  _ start _ . A good one. In front of him, his body’s breathing was deep and even, free of tension he hadn’t previously noticed was there.

He didn’t have much time to appreciate it, though, because a giant gust of wind scooped him up, yanking him through the air, to John. John’s Heart was so blinding, he couldn’t even look at him, matching his huge grin. His embrace was tight enough to break a back. “You did it!”

“Whoa, hey.” Despite his surprise, Dirk found himself snorting, wrapping his arms around John’s shoulders and pushing his face into him. “Yeah, I fixed it. Mostly, anyway. Heart look good?”

“It looks great!” John told him, kissing his hair. “Congratulations on being the first person- so far as I know, anyway- to break their Heart into a bajillion pieces and put it back together without dying.”

“Thanks.”

John sighed so heavily, Dirk could feel the breeze blow through his hair. “Gods, I’m so glad you’re okay. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sounds like payback for all those pranks.”

“Not funny!” He kissed his temple anyway, knocking his head into Dirk’s own. “I just hope it all transfers back to your body alright. I mean, it should! But you are probably going to be  _ wiped _ . I gave you a lot of energy, but like, you burned a  _ lot _ .”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine. I have to be, or Roxy will kill me.” He meant it as a joke, but even as he said it, it didn’t feel very funny- not when he knew Roxy was still terrified he might be dying. He lifted his head again to glance over at his sibling, before looking back at John. “You should probably put me back and tell Roxy I’m okay.”

John nodded, enough clouds reforming in his Heart that he wasn’t so blinding anymore. He hesitated, and then gave Dirk a small kiss. “I will talk to you whenever you wake up, I guess.”

The corner of Dirk’s mouth quirked up. He pulled John in for another kiss, holding it for much longer this time. “I’ll see you then.”

As the world went dark again, the last thing he remembered seeing was John’s smile.

When he first woke up, he didn’t actually get to talk to John. Actually, the first person that greeted him upon waking up was Roxy, who had been glued so tightly to his side that the second he started to move, he accidentally elbowed Roxy awake. He’d barely managed a single stretch before Roxy was throwing himself into Dirk’s arms, squeezing him so tightly it felt like his lungs were being crushed. “You’re awake!”

Dirk only wheezed in response, and Roxy let go immediately, looking guilty. “Sorry. How do you feel?”

He mumbled something really coherent, like, “Mmghm,” and scrubbed at his eyes, pushing himself up on an elbow.

“Good enough to sit up, apparently,” Vriska chimed in from her spot on the floor, sitting opposite John and bent over some kind of game.

“He’s up?” John asked, right before swearing loudly. “How do you keep rolling these!”

Vriska cackled, rolling an eight-sided die across her knuckles. “Fortune favors the sexy.”

“Does anything hurt?” Roxy asked, ignoring the others. “Are you hungry? Gods, we should probably get you some food and stuff. You probably burned so many calories and you haven’t eaten in days.”

“Days?” Dirk repeated, staring at him.

Roxy nodded, offering a hand out, and Dirk grabbed his arm, letting him haul him upright. “You’ve been out for days.”

“Like a light,” Vriska said helpfully. “I tried waking you up, but you’d sleep through anything. Plus, Roxy football-tackled me before I could dump ice water on you.”

“Thanks,” Dirk muttered, rubbing his face. “Why are you here?”

“Because I  _ saved _ you, obviously! I wanted to stick around and make sure you didn’t go and blow it.”

He felt dizzy. He’d been out for days. With the way he was feeling right now, he could believe it. He felt exhausted and shaky, and his stomach was cramping up with hunger and the need to pee. He had a headache, probably from dehydration, and the amount of faces, noises, and information he was being faced with immediately upon waking up was overwhelming. The only thing that actually felt alright was his Heart.

His memory of what had happened was fuzzy. Vriska was claiming  _ she’d _ saved him, and here she was, across from a very human-presenting John like nothing had ever happened. Maybe it’d all been some kind of ridiculous hallucination. It very well could have been, for all he knew. Vriska still might not even know who John really was.

Maybe he’d figure it all out after he used the bathroom and got some food in himself.

He was shaky on his feet after so long in bed, but Roxy stuck by his side and made sure he ate and used the bathroom and did everything he needed to after so long of being out. He felt a little bad, leaning on Roxy so much, but he was sure if he even breathed a word of it to Roxy they’d give him hell for even suggesting he could be a burden after everything they’d just been through. The whole time, Vriska talked his ear off, catching him up on everything he’d missed.

From what he understood, Vriska was sort of responsible for saving him, in a way. In her words, “If it weren’t for my intervention, who fucking knows how long it would’ve been before Horuss figured out you and John weren’t just taking your sweet time chatting it up upstairs. If you think about it, I saved  _ everyone _ from their own stupidity.” She’d stolen another dino nugget off of his plate and amended, “Well, except Roxy. Roxy probably would’ve figured it out, but he was at work, so. You’re all lucky I was around to step up and kick everyone’s asses back into gear.”

But otherwise, it seemed as though things had happened the way he remembered, more or less. With John’s help, Dirk had patched himself together well enough that apparently even Heart acknowledged that he was unlikely to ever splinter again. Hearing that John had gotten confirmation that Dirk was completely free from his deal was better than anything else anyone could’ve told him, and honestly, after that, everything kind of went over his head a little.

Vriska talked about how they’d all caught each other up on the godly deals and the splintering and how it’d taken Horuss all night to figure out how to fix the power, but somewhere along the way it just became more of just life updates. She chattered on and on about how bad John was at his own ancient games and about how both he and Roxy snored really loud, and Dirk found himself leaning further and further into Roxy’s side, fighting off drowsiness. He felt full and tired, and it didn’t take long before he was out cold all over again.

The second time he woke up, the room was dark and lacking in Roxy’s presence. While previously he’d immediately been assaulted with several people talking to him at once, the room felt strangely empty now. It was totally quiet- except for TV, which had the volume cranked down so low Dirk couldn’t understand what anyone was saying. It took him a minute to realize they weren’t even speaking English.

When he stretched and yawned, his leg hit someone sitting at the end of the bed who paused the show. He scrubbed at his eyes, stifling another yawn and asking, “John?”

“Yeah.” John’s voice was soft as Dirk heard the clatter of the remote being dropped gently on the floor. “Sorry. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“Nah.” Dirk scooted back on the bed to make room for John, who flopped down next to him and wormed his way under the covers. “Where’s Roxy?”

“Eating. I told him I’d keep an eye on you.” As always, John settled in right by his side, looping an arm around him loosely. The familiarity of it was reassuring, and even though Dirk still felt a little nervous about where they stood, he felt himself relax more.

He let his hand rest on John’s arm, rubbing his thumb gently against the warm skin. He chewed the inside of his cheek and studied the ceiling, hesitating, and then finally asking, “This might sound nuts, but did we…? Like, did that all, happen? Or did I just have the world’s most bizarre and vivid dream ever?”

John cracked a smile. “You mean, did I pull your Heart out of your body so you could put it back together yourself? Yeah.”

So, it had happened, then. He’d… kissed John. But if he’d done that, why was Vriska still around? Maybe that was a horrible thing to wonder- she was his  _ friend _ , after all, and maybe she did just want to stick around and make sure he was alright- but he just couldn’t help it. “Just checking.”

It was John’s turn to sound cautious, asking hesitantly, “How much do you remember?”

“It’s a little fuzzy, but…” His throat seemed to close up. He couldn’t look at John as he forced himself to sound as normal as possible and said, “I remember kissing you.”

John sighed, audibly relieved. “Okay. So, we are on the same page.”

He knew it wasn’t really the moment to joke. But he’d never been particularly good at handling serious situations, and his nerves got the better of him. “Depends. Are you gonna kiss me again?”

But John grinned, propping himself up on his elbow so Dirk could see his face properly. His voice sounded almost teasing as he leaned in, brushing their noses together. “If you will let me.”

It was hard not to smile. Relief flooded through him and Dirk left the last of his hesitation behind as he pulled John the rest of the way down into a kiss. He could feel John smiling against his lips like an idiot, making it harder to kiss him- not that it stopped Dirk. As John pressed eagerly into him, he wound his arms around John, keeping him in as close as he could get him. It was warm under the blankets and John’s weight on him was comforting, grounding him in place. He never wanted to let go. It just felt so easy to fall into this with him- so natural. It felt stupidly good to finally be able to touch him and run his hands along his back without limitation or awkwardness, and know, for once, exactly where they were at.

Well. Mostly.

There was still the matter of Vriska.

Pulling back from John was hard. John’s dumb smile and the feeling of his fingers in his hair and his nose against his cheek just kept drawing him back in, pressing smaller kisses to John’s lips and cheek. John was just as bad, kissing softly along his jaw even after he’d finally managed to stop and making his head spin. He had to scramble to remember why he wasn’t still kissing John, other than needing to breathe.

“You are  _ so _ perfect but I swear if you keep kissing me I’m going to forget my own name,” Dirk mumbled finally, while still making no real effort to push him away.

John chuckled softly, but pressed one final kiss to his cheek. “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”

He sighed, just a little too fondly, carding his fingers back through John’s hair. It took a second to gather his thoughts again and ask, “So, what about Vriska? Last I heard, you were kind of already seeing someone.”

“Never exclusively!” John protested, but he suddenly looked awkward, his eyes fixed on a strand of Dirk’s hair he was twisting around his finger. “But, um, yeah. We talked. A lot. She was pretty ticked that I hadn’t told her I was a god, and she said something like, I was pretty cool by human standards, but pretty lame by godly standards. But I think she was just trying to cover up the fact that she was a little hurt that I broke up with her, maybe? If you can even break up with someone you’re not like… official with or whatever. I mean she is really cool and I like her a lot. She’s a great friend! But she’s just not… you.” It might’ve been his imagination, but he was pretty sure John was blushing. “We are just going to be friends. I think she’s okay with it. Or at least, she’s gotten to the phase where she’s over it enough that she will whoop my ass at games and tease me about how much time I spend hanging around here waiting for you to wake up even though I’m like, a god and shit.”

“Aw, you care about me.”

“Exactly like that! Sometimes you two are obnoxiously alike.” John pinched his side lightly. “But yeah. Just friends.”

“So…” 

“So…?” John frowned.

Dirk sighed, fidgeting with the back of John’s shirt and twisting his fingers into it. “So what are we doing? I know you don’t like, have it all figured out or whatever, and that’s fine, but what do you  _ know _ you want to do, moving forward?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Dirk rolled his eyes hard, resisting the urge to pinch him. “ _ I’d _ love to date you; complete with all the stuff you could imagine coming with that. Obviously. But I get it if that’s not something you want and you’d rather like, I dunno, just be friends and make out sometimes, or go on dates without labels, or date but not fuck, or whatever it is that makes you more comfortable. I’m here for that. But we’re not going to define shit by hitting  _ my _ limit, because my limit is definitely beyond yours. You’d be hard-pressed to find something I’m not down for.”

“Okay, okay.” John blew out a heavy breath and pushed his forehead against Dirk’s, thinking. “There’s nothing I really…  _ don’t _ want to do? I want to go on dates with you, yeah. I just want to like… try a lot of different things and see how it goes? I think dating you would be fun, and like, maybe if we try it and that goes well, we can do all the other stuff too.”

Dirk turned that over in his mind, rubbing his hands slowly along John’s back. “Okay. So, just dating, for now. But that means that you need to be really upfront with me about anything that I do that you’re not ready for, or if you want to try something new. I’m not always the best with picking up on hints and I know I have a tendency to be overbearing so you need to  _ tell _ me, like, bluntly. And I promise I’ll listen and we can work out whatever’s more comfortable for you, but like, the less defined things are the more we need to actually communicate with each other about where we’re at.”

“I can do that.” John bumped their foreheads together gently. “But it goes both ways. You need to talk to me if you decide this isn’t enough for you or if something I’m doing is bugging you.”

He wanted to argue and say that there was no way John wouldn’t be enough for him, no matter what shape their relationship took, but he bit it back. If that was what John needed to know and the reassurance he needed, then... He nodded. “Okay.”

John hesitated, and then kissed him, so softly and caringly it took his breath away. “I love you. I don’t know if it’s the right kind, but, I  _ know _ I want to be with you. So don’t get all in your head about how it’s just you or something.”

Dirk snorted faintly, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Man, you didn’t even give me time to start yet and you’re already shutting it down. The fuck?” 

“I know you! You’re going to do it. And when you do, you need to  _ tell _ me so you don’t just sit with it and get all sulky and angsty about it,” John insisted.

“Okay, okay. I got it.” He had to suppress a smile, pulling John in for another kiss.

John wasn’t wrong. He could already see himself starting to second-guess himself and wonder if he was being selfish, or if this were the right decision, or if it’d really be enough. He felt horrible for it, but it was definitely going to take some time and work for them both to figure this all out. It might not be easy, and it might not be the way he dreamed of it being.

But when he got himself out of his head and stopped thinking about the what-ifs, he  _ knew _ this was more than enough. John obviously wanted this. He’d said it more than enough times. And, despite his doubts, Dirk was happy. When John kissed him or smiled at him, it didn’t feel like he loved him any less. Maybe it was a little different and a little confusing, but it definitely wasn’t  _ less _ . There was something here worth pursuing, even if in the end John did decide that romantic love wasn’t up his alley. They’d figure it all out. He was sure of it.

When John pulled back, he caught Dirk off-guard by tapping his chest and asking, “How is your Heart doing?”

Since waking up, Dirk honestly hadn’t paid much attention to his Heart at all. Either because he was distracted by hunger, a headache, or John, he’d shoved it to the back of his mind to focus on other things that felt more pressing. But now that he was focusing on it, he could feel the dull, familiar ache of his Heart in his chest. Either because he was so used to it or because it was so faint, he hadn’t even really noticed it until John called attention to it. While he’d managed to pull himself back from the brink of death, he hadn’t managed to cure himself completely. There’d still been a few small pieces missing that he’d never get back. He was hoping that the ache was just a side effect of that.

For once, he decided to be honest about the state of his Heart and admitted, “It’s a little achy, but it’s better than it’s been like, ever. I couldn’t find all the pieces when I was fixing it, so it might just be that.”

John nodded, like this made perfect sense to him. “It’s probably that. Heart said that it should stay together after this, assuming you don’t go out of your way to fuck it up. There’s a chance it could start to fray again and get worse, but that won’t happen for like, years and years and years- like, when you’re seventy or something. You’re probably just going to have some degree of soreness there for the rest of your life. But, since we’re like…” John made some vague, awkward gestures, “Heart says you upheld your part of the contract, so she’ll leave you alone.” He was clearly trying not to sound too bitter about it, but it didn't really work. His face seemed to sag with exhaustion. 

Dirk frowned at him. He rubbed his thumb gently across John’s cheek, watching him close his eyes and lean into it. “Heart’s contract was really shitty. It’s okay to like, have an issue with how things eventually resolved or resent it.”

John sighed. “It's not like she did anything anyone else wouldn't have done. Gods are just petty. We’re around for so long, we get bored. We pick fights and do stupid shit and throw each other under the bus. I can totally see myself taking advantage of a situation of hers to mess with her even if humans got caught in the crossfire, so there’s not really any reason for me to be so pissed with her. It just bugs me because it was you.”

“Y’know, a man with stricter morals would’ve found that statement concerning, there," Dirk mused.

John snorted. “Which, you aren’t.”

“Guilty as charged.” The corner of his lips quirked up as he pecked John's lips.

John sighed and gave him a rueful smile. “I guess it just drives me nuts knowing I could have saved you this whole time if I had just figured things out sooner.”

“Nah, man. Even if you had never figured it out, it wasn’t your fault stuff happened the way it did. You’re just one person. Someone’s life never should’ve depended on you figuring out your identity and you shouldn’t have been pushed into the situation that you were. That shit wasn’t fair to anyone. Don’t beat yourself up because romance is hard for you. You can’t help it.”

John just hummed. He didn't say anything more on it, but Dirk got the impression he didn't believe him. He wasn't surprised when John changed the subject. “So dating is what we’re telling people?”

Rather than call him out on it, Dirk just decided to go with it. It'd probably take everyone a while to process what they'd gone through, and right now, that conversation felt like a battle that was a bit too big to win. “Yeah, unless you wanted to keep it on the DL or something.”

“Oh, there is  _ no _ downlow when you’re dating a god. Like, all of my friends already know, including Vriska. But that's just because she's been bugging me nonstop about it and I don't think she's buying my deflections. The others are like, actually omniscient and shit."

Dirk stared up at the ceiling for a moment, letting that sink in. He sighed, slowly. “Wow. I really picked a fucking god.”

John snorted out a laugh.

"I don't even want to think about all the weird shit that's gonna come with that.  _ Fuck _ that. We can figure all that out and you can walk me through the Immortal Dating Guide for Dummies later." Dirk pushed himself up, rolling them both over and pinning John to the mattress. His fingers laced through John's and he pressed their foreheads together, squeezing his hands. “I just survived a near-death experience and I think I deserve a little smooching for that. I’ve earned it. I should have it.”

John laughed, squeezing his hands back and tipping his head up to press his nose against Dirk's. "Yeah, we can talk about it later. We've got plenty of time now."

Dirk hummed, brushing a soft kiss against his lips. "No quest, no danger, no sibling hovering around. Just us."

"Just us," John agreed, before finally leaning in to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> done!!!!!! thank you SO much for sticking with this and seeing it through to the end with me! its been a year and were sitting pretty at about 77,000 words, the length of a whole ass novel, and im honestly so proud of myself for plotting this out, getting help with beta-ing, and seeing it through all the way to the *end*!!! ive never finished something like this before and it feels good to be done. im excited to move onto something new!!!
> 
> thank you so much for reading, commenting, liking, or sharing this fic! i appreciate all the support so much. special thanks to everyone who drew something for it, and to my betas, sam, eri, dirt, and seli. this fic would probably be even more of a mess without you guys. credit where credit is due, portions of this fic, particularly the gods, were inspired by an anonymous chatter (rip) and this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5940019/chapters/13658050! if you liked this fic, i highly recommend that you check out Wondrous Adventures of Harley, English, and Strider, because its an absolutely fantastic take on godstuck and beautifully written. honestly, i think i need to go back and reread it myself.
> 
> if youre interested in seeing more of this au, make sure to check out my tumblr, https:daedalusdavinci.tumblr.com. now that this is finished, ill be posting deleted scenes, art, and headcanons that never made it into the final cut of this fic! you can find it all under the tag: https://daedalusdavinci.tumblr.com/tagged/a%20match%20made%20for%20heaven
> 
> thank you again so much for all of your support!!


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